Whoever contends with the great sheds his own blood.

-Sa’di-1258.

I am not gonna pick up the phone and you can only save yourself hand me that gun……

My scars are itching and the summer is starting to fade.

I ran into a person who kinda knew me a long time ago.After the last show at The Metro.Back when breakfast was a slurpee, a shot and a ciggerette. It was strange. I could not really place her in my hall of mirrors, my fucked up filing cabnet of a mind. I remember the idea of her. She told me that not as many people were dead as I thougt they would be. Nice to know. They may as well be though…they gave up. They walked away from a war. I remember share houses,warm beer, Black flag blaring insessantly through cheap tinny spekers in stolen cars wishing that some one would notice that I was alive. That I would have killed for one kiss and never being loud enough.So you tell Me.
Am I loud enough for ya now?

All those mad poets and crusty punks that inspired my “Will to be weird” as Jim Morrison would slur whisky and black leather through my teenage dreams locked screaming in the burbs.They all flew the white flag and limped away, Left Me out on the point, and, I guess that even to this day I dont understand. I always viewed myself as “The one least Likely To”..I never got it right…still dont… all those cool kids who dripped hip and smelt like good dope. That would not even look at me…where are they now?

Fucking chartered accountants thats where.

I just keep getting angrier. So I am a late bloomer. I am Glad that I did not burn out at 16. That I still belive in what I chose in. What chose me.

Raised by wolves baby.

There was this girl……

The 1st time that she ever saw her,she was speaking too loud and too fast. Hands like knives, lips like an independant animal.It was not what she was holding court at that cramped dirty table about,rather it was the way that she did it.Bold and sure. Feeding the faces that surrounded her smoky and animated at 3 in the morning.Their minds open like hungry baby birds starving for the words that she would spit up to sate them…to save them.

She never made it to that table to bask in that light.

I held her as she died. Her friends where long gone. She never even knew my name.

Did an interview today. I always end up feeling dumber at the end than I did at the beginning if that is possible. The best question was “What is the the biggest misconception about you?”

I told them that they did not have the time or paper to cover them all but I will tell you SF’s what I think it is. That I have a soft side. I have a good side but people get slack and mix those two up. Good and soft are two completely different things.Take my word for it when I tell you that.

Dont fuck with a headshy dog unless you wanna get bit. What the hell do I give a fuck. Its your goddamned hand.

Saturday nite at Chez Rock and I am having a hard time getting my head straight as the Brittstar is on the sofa singing White Zombie to me. There is no finer way to spend a nite in. I think about going out but there are civilians out there and I cant be assed to lock and load…..

I cannot stress to you enough how much I cant wait to play again. I expect to see ya’ll at The Annandale on the 13th. It is a Saturday so I will take no excuses.

Thinking too much and sleeping to little. Telling myself that I can get out the front door without smacking someone in the face. That I can nail that song.That I can do anything I want. The smaller the circle the more precise the rotation. I myself am a fan of precision. Within Chaos? Ah! There is nothing finer.

Got to go to Ruinations 1st show at Manly last nite. Good to see Val, Danny And Dave back up there where they belong. Manly freaked the hell outta me. All these buff braindead rejects and their bimbo girlfriends. Could make for some nice target practice given the right vantage point. Solid show and good company. Lotta metal heads out that way so I think that I will rolll my circus into town. Why do I judge them so?

Why not.

I wanna know why people think that they have been given some fully sanctioned right to get up in my face and tell me what they think of Me.

to whit…

What do you think would happen if I went up to a civilian and told them that I thought that they were…fat/ugly/tall/short/weird/the wrong gender….I would get fucking arrested,that is what would happen,yet,day after day these gormeless fucks do this to me. I wish that I was shitting you. My own fucking band members did not belive me but at one time or another they have all seen it.

Do you know what I want….I want more.I shit you not. I want more and more and more. I want them to fuel my hate. I never want to get comfortable. I never want to slow down . I want to get therm right in their stupid bovine faces just by existing.

Do you know the power that they hand to Me? To you? They fear you. Never, what ever you do, even at your darkest point and lowest hour EVER fucking forget that. Arm yourself with knowledge. That is why they fuck with you. They dont have the guts to go against the pack mentality so they take their weakness,their latent seething envy out on you. Because you have the guts to live your life.

You know that saying about marching to the beat of your own drummer?

Dave Lombado Motherfuckers! Bill Motherfucking Ward!!!! Big Gene Hoglin! Igor Cavelera!!!!

Said Me a few more good byes this month. Never give yourself away. Not even to your own platoon. It will not do any of you any favours in the long run. No matter how much you love or belive in a human I say 60- 75 % tops. You would not hand your car keys to a theif. Why hand your heart to another?

You can always replace a car……

Bitter? No. I just dont fuck around with the drama that people seem to think constitues a life. Sue Me. I am like Scarface on this one..Remember the restarant scene?.Thats right…Everybody look at the bad guy.

I think that it is a bit to far into the game to be messing with the rules….or maybe that is why I win every time no matter what I loose . Rules are to be followed. I follow nothing but myself.

The sofa is now silent as the Arsenal- Charlton game is on….. Two / nil.

Natch.

So off into the US summer to show em’ how it is done.Gotta an album to give ya’ll before we go. There is so much hard work between now and getting on that bird outta here that best I keep my head down.Thanx for reading and for all that you do for the band. You are of great value. Never forget that.

Stay strong and take shit from no man.
SF4L.
Michele.