26/02/04
It is when ever that niggling voice inside tells Me “You really shouldnt be writing now….” Is when I KNOW I gotta nail it……
La sottise, l’erreur, le peche, la lesine,Occupent nos esperits et travaillent nos corps,Et nous alimentons nos aimables remords,Comme les mendiants nourissent leur vermine.-Baudelaire.-1855.
[….where ever he is right now I hope that he forgives me for my crappy handling of his work and of the French language in general. Pardon. Merci.]
I should be in bed. I gotta get up and do shit tommrow but my fragile [snort] self does not wanna go out and mess with the masses. This is the 1st access that I have had to the computer since the B* got hooked on “My space”. That shit is like computer crack! She is up for 50 hours at a time. She must have known that I was writing about her cause she has just come down for a ciggerette! Spooky.
Wish that I could have one….hundred…….through my trach tube…dying in the hospital laughing till I choke. With Jenna Jamerson wailing at my side…cool.
Looking foward to playing the Annandale. Looking foward to torching everything I own, burning my fingertips off with lye,shaving my head and getting in the van forever to be a motherfucking noise machine.
Go look at yourself and ask yourself what it is that you really want.Now fucking do it and dont worry about what it will cost you.The really good shit will cost you everything but the gift in that is that they can lock your corpse into a 9 to 5, a fucked up marriage whatever…add your version of living hell here…. but there is purity in giving yourself what you want and if you want it bad enough you will get it.And it is yours alone. No one can make you give it up. To crib off TS Elliot [ Very badly may I add as is keeping with my usual vampire hours….]”Liberty has its own pain ” But to quote, in retort, one JC Mellencamp ” Hurts SO good….”
Fuck your car repaymentsFuck your fake friendsFuck your fat feeble unused brainsFuck TVFuck playstationFuck all the products you are force fed in the name of “efficency” that keep you dumb and lockedFuck you if you ever fucked with meFuck your trendsFuck your truth avoiding tacticsFuck your “2nd best is good enough”Fuck your “It will do ” ethic
It wont do.It will never do.But if you stay stupid you will be “OK” It will be “Nice” and no one will ever question you. Hell!. You will be so bummed out on beer, backpayments, breeding and bullshit that you will never come up for air….You will die where you festered being nothing but a “Coulda ,shoulda, woulda….did’nt”
It is your call, so what are you gonna do with it?
Just somthing to think about,
Have a nice day now.
Later.
SF4L.
Michele.
