The head is always fooled by the heart.

-La Rochefoucauld.

R.I.P Dimebag.

Where has that year gone where the hell did I put it? Been listening to Pantera all day. Looking at my tattoos under sweat at the gym. How fucked up can it be? Bout as fucked as getting shot on stage. Still messed up about it. But in terms of the big picture I am residually royally fucked up over a whole mess of shit.

I was unfaithful last night. I cheated in public and id be lying if I told you it wasn’t the best thing I have done in a while. I was all pirate girl velvet and top hats . Significant other has nothing to worry about. I was unfaithful to my BAND. Sitting in with Miss Maggie has opened up so much inside me that had been put down one too many times. We grooved and it was heaven.

I just looked up at the wall.48 days until the BDO and Miss Lilly says that I am a hero for training every day. No, I am a fat fuck up who wants to get it right for a change, No 1 son is as lax in getting to me as I am to him but I have to rope him in this week. Porn and me are printing stickers and shit before Ross gets home some time around Xmas.

I FUCKING HATE XMAS.

My 3rd grade teacher told me that I couldn’t write it like that because “The “X” is crossing out the “Christ” in “Christmas”” Fucking Catholics. The only thing Catholicism ever did for me was gimme an interest in kinky sex and a nun fetish. I think 999 % of Catholics find guilt sexy.

I find pain sexy. At least you know that you are really feeling something. I am going to get around to being my own Tyler Durden and invest in the lye kiss. Just don’t ask me what that mark on my hand is when we meet and all will be well.

I am fully bracing myself for the band shitting on my ideas for the BDO show. I would be having myself on if I were to think positive. More on that when it happens I guess. Looking forward to this last show at the X and then onward and upward, I am going to have to hang round and keep training. Been too slack for too long. Ran into miss holly today while doing my helmet less suicide run down Cleveland st from the Gym. She got a high distinction on the interview that she did with me. She looks very fetching with her new auburn locks .

Miss Lilly just informed me that John Lennon was assinated today and that Jim Morrison was born that and Dime . strange days on the snake upwards to domination methinks.

My long suffering big brother wrote to me about a show in sub zero temperatures in an asbestos ridden squat and told me that he has a pathological desire to train and is envious of my gym exploits. I can’t wait to see him again. I think that we are doing one of The Hard ons supports in Jan. We better be, I have yelled at Dave batty enough about it.

In non-related news I had a really rude dream about Henry Rollins last night. Me the teenager, god! Honestly . and Alice coopers “Im 18” was playing in the background for what ever that’s worth.

Ms Metz and Lill little tiger are coming up from the ‘gong for the last funeral next week, which will be cool. Miss M invited me to hers for xmas.Thanx, but no doll. I think that Jr is heading back to the pile.
I am going to go for a big run and then go and read in the park languidly watching cars full of red faced brats and harangued parental units filled with too much euro fair distinctly unsuited for this hemisphere and temperature, shoddy toys and glitzy wrapping staring at my solitary form with envy.
I gently burp and wave my middle finger as they glide by hermetically sealed in their 4-wheel drive that has never been off road. An honest one-gun salute.

It’s hard trying to explain my stance to significant other. Quel sigh.

Porn just tells me that he has set up some live journal shite on Sydney gothic please god no . The horror the horror.

Summer and nag champra. I wish that I was back at the beach but there’s something primal and dirty about any city in the heat. Not bad at all.

Fuck it. Im going out.

SF4L
Michele.