See.

A blind guy flirted with me on the train this morning.

This is not a euphemism.Kind of like the time when a hooker gave me a sun lounge.That wasn’t a euphemism either.She really did.Its out by the pool.

Back to the train.He was also blind drunk.Double blind.He fell over me,recovered his poise rapidly,deftly folded his cane in two and then proceed to chat me up all the way to Riverwood. It was cool because I could keep reading my magazine as we talked and I didn’t feel rude in the slightest. It’s rare that you can study someone at great length and not offend.So I did. Or I shut my tired eyes and then we were just two sets of sounds.I tried to imagine how he visualized me from my voice alone.I also realized that my voice is kind of sad sounding but not in a bad way.

Just low and blue.And exhausted.

He took hold of my elbow with iron fingers as we left the train and I guided him into the lift.”I trust you” he smiled and I gazed into his sightless eyes,the corneas thick and opaque.I like that he didn’t wear dark glasses as not to offend the masses with his disability and how no one knew where to look. Good on him. Fuck everyone else.The tradesman in the lift looked uncomfortable.Me and my new friend chatted about shoes in great depth.I dug that.I told him how tall I was and that I am addicted to high heels and he laughed.

“Bet you must stomp guys!” he crowed.”On occasion” I smiled as we made our way to the bus stop.He then told me about the trip that he is taking to England with his cricket team and how drunk he plans on getting.

He is a blind bowler for the Australian team.Really.I love my life,I really do.

He said that I sounded pretty.A blind guy thinks I am a fox.Is there some deeper meaning in this? That you would have to be blind to think I was a looker? Not surprised by much these days.More resigned.

Elvis,Gladys and Vernon! As if my  confidence wasn’t shaky enough as it is.

I called Miss Emma as she had been up all night wrangling tickets to Coachella to get her take on my journey home.She said that it was flattering ,that even the blind could sense my charisma and zesty hotness.Pft! I told her to go to bed.She then informed me that as she is going to be away for her birthday she up and bestowed her ticket to go and see “Jay and Silent Bob” live at the Enmore theatre on my grumpy old self..

I had a sneaky cry in the shower over her generosity.

That was after I wasted somewhere in the vicinity of half an hour using the hand mirror to see if my ass has shrunk anymore.Let it be never be  said that I don’t know how to wisely use and delegate my time. I then sang “Total Control”  by the Motels with a German accent into a half empty tube of body scrub.Do I know how to party or what?

So…..

Waving,rather pointlessly,to my new blind buddy I got off the bus.

I then walked home from the station with the sweet obese girl who favors perilous and lurid tube tops and lives a few blocks north of me.The walk home slays her no matter how slow we go.She is free of ankles.She is a night shift cleaner in the city who admires my false eyelash prowess and my recently unearthed Fleetwood mac tee-shirt.(Yes!) The sky is leering cloudy and mean as we reach her gate.She wheezes a sweet goodnight and I head home at a rapid clip to the hovel and lament my lack of training over the last few days as my gym membership has lapsed.

So now Monday means not only picking up my new cop boots,Gareth Pugh’s limited edition M.A.C miscellany and a fur coat but also a trip to up my torture tenure.I shoot in two weeks so it must be done.Many protein shakes and miles ahead.

I have plateaued on the weight loss front and my sleeping pattern is all over the place so time to harden the fuck up and get my now fetchingly auburn-think-Stephine-Seymour-in-the- “November rain”-film clip head in the game.Getting in touch with my inner Ava Gardner.

Nice.

I meander to my in-box and…….

Oh? You remembered who I am?

Staccato messages from the trenches free of friendship and emotion.Cold  dire dispatches to the last solder who defended you.

6 long weeks of radio silence after dreamy,delightful daily contact and then a few words,a shitty one line salutation to the new year from the west coast and then nada.Sweet fuck all.

The heroin hindered set up roadblocks and lay in opiated wait. Some people make it so hard to care for them,so very difficult.You don’t have to sell it to me any more son,if you say it ain’t worth it? Well then, who am I to argue? .Some people have to try to break anything good that comes into their self hating orbit so they can tell themselves that they knew it wouldn’t work out.

Saboteurs my dears.Plain and simple.But you don’t stop caring.You just do it at a distance and under glass.It switches from hot hearted alchemy to bare numbers and sterile science in the shake of a lambs tail .The picture fades and forgets its origin.It has been traced so many times with a poison pen that its hard to tell what it once was.You fill a Ferrari with water instead of gas?

Well.

Still waiting for the magic pixies to arrive and build my wardrobe.And the liposuction sprites.Well,I figure now that I  know that the shoe angels exist what is the harm in putting out the feelers…

Blackie is picking me up at some ungodly hour on Sunday but as I never get much time with him  its so worth it.Sing fat girl sing! I half halfheartedly worked on a new song for the 28th.Its nice having new subjects and muses.The ones that I happily discover frolicking in my frontal lobe make me smile.They are lovely.They have no idea that they inhabit my imagination and it is there that I can enjoy the pleasure of their company unhindered by reality,time or the churlishly adult restraints that keep them from me.

Oh ho! So much for my “I am not going to get into any fights at work” resolution. Pft! I lasted 15 days.A pitiful effort,I know…

Kicking ass.And in a halter neck top and high heeled boots no less.

Oh well……

Elle a du chien.

Avec  moi.