Talking to myself all the way to the station.

-NIN

Im immortal when Im with you.
-PJ Harvey.

You might suprise yourself….
-FNM.

I should keep a pot of hot oil on the go at all times to dump on shouty junkies outside my window at one in the morning.

Just a thought.

Feeling it all over Me.
The grind.I dont know why I chose to write at times like this [“Cause thats what you always do you self important asshole.” Inner self.] but its better that lying on my bed going mental staring into Steve Tyler’s smoke shrouded eyes burning down at my lazy self from the poster on my wall.Ross and I ran a thousand cirles last nite and I had a terrible sleep so here I am ,awake and online trying to let the world know that my band exists.

Today is akin to pushing a mound of elephant shit up Mt Everest with a chopstick while a pack of angry midgets attempt to set fire to your ass.
Its one of those days when it all seems bigger than you could ever deal with.
And here I sit,weird as hell knowing that I am stuck in a place that thinks that pink shirts with scribbles on them are the height of fucking fashion.Where only the medocre and recycled safe are embraced.On a good day that is a call to arms…today its a reason to put my head on the tracks and wait for thre 6;15 to Redfern [all stops] to make it all go away.

So tired.
-Ozzy Osbourne.

Delux always brings up a million points,all sharp…I can see him so tired and so I am just gonna do my thing and hope that it helps.He said in a recent interview that its about being sold.Am I unsaleable? Yep,I am.
Is that a bad thing.
Hell no.
Destined to be exiles? I dread to think.
Not that it matter,not really,my brain is just farting away and I write on….

Its not the point.I like it when they all sniff around when you are high.We get close to fuck all support from radio.Sikfuks telling me that Rosie wont play us on JJJ.So much for an open minded youth network.Cock sucking pigfuckers.No one wants to take any risks anymore.As for the Metal scene? Jesus! Talk about beating my head on an ignorant wall.There are a few people who have given us a shot but all in all they are never gonna deal with us.
Give a fuck factor?.
Today?
Mild.I thought that they were “Open Minded” Thats why they got into the hard stuff…. What the fuck ever.
Rednecks in band teeshirts.
It feels good being low and venting this shit.Am I gonna sit around the whole summer after we have worked our asses off and pretend that this is not happening? I dont fuckin think so..We have done more in 5 fuckin years than most bands on this scene will do in a life time.And I dont plan on quitting.We didnt rip off some band from Sweden and call the sound our own.We are and will always push it.
You wanna be a fuckin clone? Jesus H Christ, I dont know how you look yourself in the fucking eye.Me and my boys are gonna be here long after you have faded away.

There are a few of you out there who belive in it as much as we do and I need for you to see this as a call to arms.I know who you are cause you didnt walk aways when the going got tough.You see it for what it is.The life line that runs through it all.I gotta tell y’all.I am fucking wrung out at the moment.Still going but fatal.Bored with my humanity with an itchy trigger finger.Can you see it?
Not pretty.
Yawning will cutting heads off…..I am giving myself licence to not care.

Somthing good out of everything one way or another as Miss Debbie Harry would sing.

Its not all bad.Far from it.I dont think that any of it is bad per-say.Its ass kickingly real above all things.Low clouds and my boys in seperate corners and I better do somthing real clever real soon.Fuck,I can hardly reassure myself.Newtown puts me in a bad mood.I text Miss Terror 10 blocks away ,both of us not wanting to venture outside our gaffs, my shaven armpits stinging,I dont look like me in this new clip…

What a gift.Now I am not me….if only we could do it all the time….

I went to the beach the other day and as I sat on the sand with George the blind dog and my mates I got a small sad feeling.The ocean makes you aware of how little you really matter.Kane tells me that nothing is real as we sit up all night talking and I accept happily all the old band shirts that he was gonna use for rags out on the boat anyway.In a rotting White Zombie shirt rolling joints with the TV picture rolling drunk in the background I add to the million late nites on dirty lounge room floors that I have under my belt and look for clues.

Isnt that what its all about?.Patching a picture together with found objects.Frank Black makes me wanna hold your hand daddy and watch the world fall away.I said that nothing felt as fatal when you were around and I ment it.Under your gun I am blooming wet and distance shall not break me on you.I got a thousand red candles waiting for your green eyed return to my side…..

Ash and I.Dont think that he is real fond of Me right now,not the first time..I know that he is gonna make me work like a mule to get back in with him.I hear what we do together and its worth it.
He will drag me over the coals for being distant.Sneer at my efforts.Thats what brothers do to each other I guess.Its always gonna be somthing interesting with us.Two self lothing wankers.Except that I admit it and he dosnt. Radiohead makes my ass ache.

So we got the new filmclip done.As soon as we saw the paddy wagon circle we knew that we were gonna cop it.Delux out the back of Michaels panel van at one in the morning ,his fresh tattoo throbbing sweet talking,Me trying to stash a beer down the side of the seat [?] waiting for my cue to get out of the car…

-We are just doing some filming for our band….
-Hi there!
says me in a Red wig and skin tight everything.

Much laughing and good luck wishes.Ross has gotta be the smoothest dude in the world.The lady cop thought that I was a statue as they were driving by.Once you see the clip you will realize why.

By the time the sun was comming up I was beyond wasted but the 4 of us got it done with as little fuss as possible.I shredded my voice on playback after playback and all the words turned to mush.I had no idea what I was on about by the time we were done.Its like when you say your name over and over.Stripped of meaning and we are all monkeys really.

Thank you Mark,Delux and Michael…xxxx…I finally get to make all my manga porn dreams come true.

So our last show at the Surry Hills X tonite and then in the van and on the way to Brisvegas for a few shows.An all ages in Nov and then thats it.Ross and Ash are long gone till after the new year as far as I can work out.I was gonna do my usual trick of fucking off and surfing for a few months but I think that there is more to be gained by hanging around in the smoke and staying plugged in.I can always pass out in the yard with the dogs when I feel like I have lost that summer lovin feeling.I had it in spades when I got back anyway.Ok,ok…I AM gonna do 10 days out on the water with the Leefish.We need to have a break away and I need to feel the sand twixt my toes for a bit…snigger…I will limit myself to a fortnight….hehhh…

Monkey is addicted to the Buzzcocks at the moment and its rubbing off on me.I am all about the double live G’n’R .The Hard-ons are doing a big Show at the ‘dale before they go to Europe so I will be there having my faith in all that is sonic restored.

I read once that things are always beautiful if you love them,if they mean something to you….So for what its worth right?

Later.
SF4L
Michele.