…………….Survive Your Life…………..
There was a time when I was so broken hearted love wasnt much of a freind of mine…..
-Aerosmith.
In the dark of night,those small hours ,I wish you were by my side…
-INXS.
Reach out and touch faith.
-Depeshe Mode.
We’re setting sail to a place on the map from which no one has ever returned.
-World Party.
Tearing Me apart…
-Rollins band.
Later Los Angeles…Its been [sur]real……. Packing and its a bit after midnight on my last night in the city of [fallen] angels for a while…bummer in the summer…..I just wanna crash out…
Slight of hand?
Slight of heart……
I wandered round Hollywood,our new album providing the soundtrack…sweet glory after crooked battles ,ya gotta belive me on that….
Guess that I got sick of looking at the bad copy of someone I knew,a shadow of myself and saying “Who are you and what have you done with my battle plan???”
I am not gonna have a TV where I am going…I hate that shit…The 3 months I have lived here the fucking thing has been blaring non stop…I have got my well read copy of “The art of war” and no commitments till August…
“Michele who?”
Exactly.
I was nodding my head as I tapped that last line in so its sinking in…ohhhhh baby……
You dont want to know but fuck it, I am gonna tell you ’cause I know that I am one fuckin’ inch off loosing my peanut mind dumping all my shit in the cactus garden out the front of my dogshit covered abode, dousing it with lighter fluid and….
My clothes have been fucking while I sleep and multiplied…nah…they have been binge eating…I was reduced to a shadow of my former self, weakly beating my loose fists on top of my backpack, my vision bluring…I gotta tell you, I dont know where the fuck I am going and I can say 110% that I dont care anymore.
I have seen tooooo much this time….
Now, the trick is to get it to serve me and not on a platter if you know what I mean.I went and collected Ross today and we got a bit angsty in our favorite mexican cantina
[“You have to ask yourself…are you a mexican? Or a mexicant?…”]
Just the usual…no funds and all the keys to all the doors that you want are held by flaming cocksuckers of little and or no destinction.Color me butthurt and swinging.
Makes me go harder
The damage is beautiful….BEAUTI-FUCKIN’-FUL….and I tell myself as I roll on to London that you dont lose anything you cant afford.I need to tell myself that right or wrong cause if I dont?….
So,I didnt see that awsome someone that I wanted to see before leaving California as I am sure he was hanging his head somewhere..After waiting 2 or so lust laden years as well..Bad dog for fucking round with my sister while I was out of town…My pain is so hot…it makes me holy…I carry round everyone else’s fuck ups…. If I love it? Well then I lose it…
silly…tsk…tsk….
Trix are for kids…..
Feels good to type it.I am sick of protecting people who hurt me…I am sure so many of you do…I am amazed at how many of you read this…Thank you.I dunno why I am thanking you but it feels good so what the hey…
I no longer think that ignorance is bliss and for the perve that I am ? Take your hollow boned beauty and shove it up your ass.
Rot with a straw up your nose.
With your crappy promoting….
Do you like my wings of fire?
Do ya?
CAUSE I FUCKIN LOVE THEM!
You cant keep up?
I am talking to fast?
Didnt kiss your ass ’cause of good DNA?
Didnt jump when you called?
Not my problem.I am sorry! See this fork sticking out of my ass…you know the rest…..
I didnt know if anything good was gonna get shaken loose out of me on a personal level but as I sat in a bar with delux I reved up and spat it all out and all I could think was “Where the hell have I been hiding???”
What ever the last small internal year has been I must have needed to see it.See the other side of my bolshie war games.To be beaten by my own hand and ask for another lick…Please sir may I have another?….
You dont know how much you can take untill you really push yourself.The people that messed with my atoms have never set themselves that challange.
So I let em go.
I know that I lernt more from them than they will ever learn full stop.You know how I know this? To learn you first have to be able to think….
“Steeeee-RIKE!”
Felt like shit at the time but now I am thinking that it just might be the gift that keeps giving.
Big old scar covered mile a minute me…with my tiny black heart pinned to my rotten wrist…. me who is always gonna fall short and never forgive myself…me with too many questions and too many years sober…
Take it or fuck off.
I think that I am gonna ask myself on a date…I told ross that I have written “That” Album and I hope that skin crawls…I am gonna sing my cursed romantic nature and hate machines out on stages all over the world.Big rotten corpse tied to my touring back….
I think where I am a bit letdown when it comes to my emotional adventures in retrospect. I let a real pack of tossers do the honors ya know? I look at the ones who caused such disarray and such great songs and they are pathetic…I am bummed…They look so small away from the burning moment that we shared and that affected me so.
Remind me to fire my casting agent would you?
Cheers.
Today I am not of service to the people around me so that talk over and around me…I am starting to think that highschool never ends…it give me the giggles now which is peachy keen….
shake off these chains…
I keep dreaming of cold grey oceans and being very loud and alone…clean and spare and that gets me hatching plans that may gimme some very cool foundations…
[We were all gonna get the same tattoo and the plans fell apart….and they tell ya that everything happens for a reason….]
So Ash is riffing…playing…I am writing and reading my dictionary…these are good things,very good things indeed…I dont really want to leave Hollywood… But there is much to do.
I almost shat when I saw that The Hard-ons got a mention in Spin magazine out here…its the small stuff that makes you smile…
So many cirles…I hooked up with a few really sweet people here and that gentle readers is no easy feat…I did a kind of,I guess you would call it a platonic courtship….
Its feeling like too little too late right now as I was crippled with shyness everytime I saw her so I would make a cock out of myself to make her laugh.Big doe eyes flashing behind a coal black fringe….
We will have the joshua tree my friend and I will give you all I got just because..small hand in mine and sometimes on the freeway god is in the tips of your fingers.
I liked the AA meetings here.I like all the survival.No one is gonna plant me till I am done.I like the sidewalks and talking to the hookers outside the car wash on Santa Monica at 2 in the morning..
I like more and more now the things that make me feel good away from my former self.The cunts I had around me….
I have also in my divine feedback soaked wisdom decided that all ,well at least most of the shit that people want to hang you out to dry over is the shit that makes you great….so fuck em’.
I dont want to edit or say sorry.So I wont.Why start now? I am better and faster alone.
So thanks to the princesses who break good hearts
Thanks to the boys who make pain an art
Thanks to the liars who came on like a friend
weaving their poison that never ends
thanks to the break outs and wanton break downs
thanks the the wanna-be time wasting clowns
thank you my detractors and haters all
thanks to the biches who tripped me to fall
thanks to the bands that lied with such grace
go run your small town circles and stay the fuck out of my face
thanks the the liars and theives and their kin
you made me so strong ,please, come on in
thanks to my family
bitter at best
thanks to the fuckups and all the failed tests
thanks to the shallow the drug fucked and false brave
open your dead jaws as I piss on your grave….
The palm trees
the skaters knees
the aa meetings
the strained greetings
the betrayed that wove the tale
that im gonna sing till i die
why try
when it all gets delivered right to your door by
junkies and hustlers and two bit whores.
I got my discman and my deck
I got the best band I know
wilt while I grow…
I have no idea if I am gonna be hitting y’all up while I make my way back around the planet to God-knows-what but know that I am out there.I will get back to y’all sometime but I have to do this for myself.You guys are the heroes of almost all of my crooked tales.All that you have given me? I hope that I have given it back somehow…Take care of yourselves cause we are gonna go for days when next we meet.
see you on the other side
SF4L
Michele.
