Gonna send you back to wherever the hell it was you came,
Then im gonna get this tattoo changed to another girls name.
-The Cruel Sea.

Dont be so reckless,
Throw down your gun..
-Australian Crawl.

Be direct,usually one can accomplish more that way.
-My last fortune cookie.

I cant remember if I have given you this one yet so I am gonna blame it on my looming insanity and the fact that I live in a country that has spray on fake butter.
I rest my case.
Now read on.

The beginning of this song was written while I was loitering round seedy places in St Kilda on a Melbourne tour on my shitty birthday in 03′. I found it ,or some of it written on a menu when I moved into The shed and thats when it came to life.

Ash was pushing these huge Sabbath tones and I was of the mind that slower is heavier.

It took from the get go and it has become one of the best moments for Me live.If ya dont know what L.A.M.F stands for? Ask me next time ya see Me…


When the dust clears
and you come up for air
through the carnage
guess what?
I’ll still be there.

Hammer your drugs
drink your beer
beat on your bitch
guess what fucker..
Im still here.

Im more of a man than you’ll ever be
Keep your bouquet of bullshit
You only get one hit for free
I could walk away
and let you think Im done
well thats a nice theory tiger
But guess what?
Im not fuckin done.

White wife beater
religious meet and greeter
What sharp teeth youve got
All the better to eat her

Kiss the girls and make them cry
smile its easy peasy pie
hit me again
I wont cry

Born to live born to die

Is that all you got???
Is that the best you can do???


There are no veiled references left in Me.Miss S of the tundras tells Me the reason that all the people I know fuck each other in leiu of me is some twisted groupie thing which made me smile.In my dreams find myself with her being un PC and playing with glass,spicy and adored.I miss my frozen friend.

I thought that I was burnt out but its only a scald.I am not dumb enough for California.It does keep my hatred nice and sharp so I am looking at that above all.

….Down on La Brea the barista knows my name and my order and I pollute just by existing,just like all the other kamakaze human roaches on the Strip.The most shocking thing that you can do is be polite.Two dollars by The Music box gets you the best re-fried beans in town and as we sat at the bar with our huge tangled joint existance, Skynrd told us that “Tuesdays gone with the wind….” I stared at our reflection between the dusty bottles lining the mirrored wall and belived for a split second with my brothers I can never die…

There are people who are aware,Who have listened. [Pony up to the truth/An honest buyer needs a liar.] The tattoo on her ass reads “Slave”.
Its a long story she tells Me.I think to myself That most of them are but its the one liners that own me.Fit my skin.I could carry a perfect paragraph into my daily war like a sheild.

And I do.

Before I dont adore…. I want you to know…Before I get mean…I want you know…

Vancouver September somthing 04′
[On the floor at The Brickyard listening to Gene H do his soundcheck]

Bah! This pen is shit and I am hungry horny and aggro in that order.Shouldnt be.I beat off in the shower this morning…oh well…G’s drums are too massive sounding for this room…wonder where my band are…

Ahhh! The object of my blind affection.

When you play I watch your arms,your hands.The sounds that you choke out of your Gibson the sea of fans parting at your feet.I ride the wave and belive. We write and I spark like the 4th of July.I dont know why it means so much comming from you I just know that it does.3 years I have indulged my missguided longing for you.Your confidence,your sand dry wit,worlds move,plates shift and as empty and stupid as it can all get,I belive in the effort of wanting you.
I like the shape,the texture and the color.
The last time you played a big show in my old hometown I wanted you to roll home with me.
I could have sat with you in the dark,the gulls stoned on trash,pulling blind figure 8’s over the Glebe point bridge framed by the window that sold me the room in the 1st place.I could come to the image of kissing your palm,wet open mouthed,tounge pointed and curious against your lifeline…..
Pupils dialated.You sweat pure THC and I pull the phone out of the wall.

We are infinate and feeding on the inevitable.

I just saw a rat run over my backpack and we dont play for hours.I would send him this but I dont have the guts.I am far too in awe of him.Wonder what hes up to? I am gonna have that visual in my cracked fuckin head all nite.Gene just pointed at me and winked which he knows always cracks me up when he is playing.
Now back to LA meantime shall we?

Hey Rock star?
Issue monger?
You are nothin’ special
And you sound dumb as dog shit
When you attempt to elevate what you are and do
You are not holy
You are no better than me
Than him and her get up there and do it Make it real I want to belive you but your press blows dogs You are not a “Conduit” An “Artist” You play in a fuckin band and I paid 10 bucks to see you do that. So fuckin do it and fuck off…….

Nothin’ worse than whining musos.You have got the deal that I would kill for and all you do with it is hang round drunk.I watched you as you signed their CDs…you never made eye contact with them once.You put the “Hole” back in “Asshole” thats for sure.I am not gonna name you cause you are comming undone anyway I just feel sorry for the kids that fell for you.I will pick em up after you drop em with your self indulgent shit…If I had a 100th of the resourses that you fritter away on a daily basis I would own you.

Sure,I whine.But NEVER about the sonics…My life ? Sure.
But never the road..never the shows…never the tribe…
That is the only good thing that I have and if its all to much for you?? Step aside and make way for the real deal.I have more time for the road crews and tee shirt vendors than I will ever have for you.Do you even know the name of your fuckin driver? The people who get you there?.

Burn on it.

Fuck em……back to my other useless shit….

I was a shoo in to be the next Pope I tell ya! I was so sure of it…The envoy rolling into Dukes on the strip while I laboured over my hello kitty note book listening to Coltane do “My Favorate Things”…

Do you have any idea how much cool shit the catholic church hides from the rest of the world???.And they reckon that the Nazis did a number on art treasues during the 2nd world war? Novices compared to what the last 10 pontifs have kept under their skirts thats for sure.God! I havent thought about this shit since drunken fights with irish uni students in NYC.

Why am I on about this?

I have no fuckin idea.


Nope,nope…no fuckin clue.

[What would I return to?]

I woke up to a conversation about ingesting a small ammount of mushrooms [ count me out…] to go an see “Hichhikers guide”
[ “Not enough to make the walls melt or nothin!”]. It was Sin and my Sister.
Yes…The sister who was ment to be in London right now..sitting on the end of our bed???..let me back up a touch…and how did I get food on this CD??….Hold on….

I passed out yesterday round noon ,sick and blah blah blah…my most mohawked roommates roll in 2 hours later and woke me up via x-box,silly voices and happiness that I did not begrudge them cause they have been having a rather crap time of it all of late…..

So I passed back out for a little while longer and woke up when the door opened.We all looked at each other like “No Way” when in gangled the B* all blonde and dark glasses and totally pissed off….

” Dont fuckin ask….” She intoned from the doorway.I didnt! I was too shocked and I knew that in a few cones time she would inpart the whole sorry tale…

She blames missing her flight on the fact that there are no loud speakers in The Burger King at LAX “I am never eating chicken tenders again” she glowered darkly as I looked up from my nest of blankets and filthy teeshirts slack jawed and Sin packed her a bowl.

My sister is a Diva.
We are talking about a woman who will not board a plane till she hears her name..She is more of a fuckin rock star than I will ever be..Fast foward….It was all too much for me so I passed out again and woke up at 2 in the morning thinking that it was much earlier and she was off again…off to Dallas to spend 10 hours with her suitcase and then onward to London.

I feel bad for Sin and 3 cause they are stuck with the boring sister now….

Ross seems to be on the up and up which is good…I told him that I was gonna be in Hollywood last night but when this broken machine decides that it wants to sleep about 3 times a month? There is not a damn thing I can do about it…I think the dog is eating out of the trash again and I cant be fucked doing my hair….Listening to The Angry Samoans and the rest of the house is passed out.

First gig on Friday and I have been waiting so fucking long. Ross is a bit pissed at me and my health I think. We have that in common.I would hate being in a band with me no doubt…I have been hanging for this [playing again..] after that fat fuck in calgary lied about so many shows…So I am trying to stay cool…Never one of my blinding strong spots to be sure…I dunno who we are on with and this point I dont really give a fuck…I cant even remember what I am doing….

Lets hope that its like riding a bike…some one told me that sex was like riding a bike…Lets hope not cause the last fuck I had was a shocker…and I can still ride..a bike?…huh.Excuse all this drivel…I feel so fucked up….and I didnt even get to have a good time to get here.

Drugs I miss:-
1] Lust
2] Ignorance
3] Morphine
4] Jack Daniels
5] Beauty
6] Ciggerettes
7] Chalk
8] Coke,sometimes….
9] Dream free sleep
10] Pills
11] Money

Got an email from my long lost baby brother Jr who you may remember was given the nickname “Hero” by his mates…He is bumming around in Orlando I think..Then somthing about the wilds of South america…happy trails…I like him alot because we dont pretend to be what we are not…On the family front I have not heard from my big brother in a while so I dunno what he is up too…just know that I miss him and his spitfire wife….Saint Tina is well…and I am now listening to a dub reggae mix…

C-Dub is bestowing some of his dreads on me.Fuckin cool! He made me swear not to so any crazy voodoo shit on them which had not crossed my mind untill he brought it up! He is one of the most solid people I know in LA and he said that he would keep an eye on me while The B* trips the light fantastic all over Europe with the ever suave Cary.

Hair is pretty powerful shit and for some reason the people who are dear to me keep giving me theirs.I just dread em in with the existing mess on my head.I really have to get my visual shit a bit tighter.

Steve-O is really nice and I dont think that he knew quite what to make of Me.You cannot sway Me on my “All famous people are tiny” Theory.

It has been well over a year since I spoke to my former best friend.I was listening to “Roots” and it hit me like a shot gun blast.His girlfriend and my long suffering St Tina tried to get us to hook back up but he has the Madden slackness running like poison in his veins.Sure,I miss him but you roll on….

I am sick of beautiful skinny people complaining.I have been slapping them silly.I like it…The belting them part I mean.

Leif is finally playing again.I cant wait to be in the front row for him someday just like he has been for me for so many years.

Tattoos…You will just have to wait and see wont ya…

Q-Why does Snoop dogg carry an umbrella? A-Fo’ Drizzle.
[Told to me in a parking lot off Sunset by a hot drummer boy]

My new sunnies rule.They were the biggest and blackest ones in the shop and hide more sins than the guards at The vatican city.

3 just walked out and scared the crap out of Me on his way to work.I sit here typing with my disc man on full blast so that may have somthing to do with it…he has one of the all time coolest jobs if you are into this kind of thing…he works for x-box and sits around playing games all day…for money…I guess my version of that would be to own a second hand book store and be totally rude to people all day.I would settle for just getting paid to be a cunt…

Which is ,I guess what I am aiming for…Get the deal that we want and get paid to do what I do.Mikey has another tour to do in June through Australia so I dunno where I am gonna end up…It dont matter ,not really.For all of the shit that goes with it? I would not trade my pirates lfe in for anything. Look at it…I answer to myself and my 3 brothers who make me come true in vans and shitty venues,3 men who give me the only reason I will ever need.I own nothing and have no ties.Live on my dim wits and stolen produce.Got a hot sister who everyone wants to fuck so they are nice to me and do all they can trying to get into her pants so I use em up faster than rubbers at a gang bang.Back stage passes…No kids,no car repayments….

No hope at four in the morning most nights as well but I know where I am gonna pitch my tent…I will let them raise the bar and I will kill myself getting to it.

At least when my number is up I will go out knowing that I followed somthing that make me live my time out swinging.

Got some pix back from the last show in Australia and I was a wraith! Fuck it!!I have finally got the monster body and cant get laid! Nowhere near as fat as I was pre LA.I have lost the equivilent of a 2 year old since I fled Canada!!!

I do think about what is gonna be like to get back to Australia.How big it is down there.Giving you guys the tour to say thank you.Just to keep it all rolling and growing.

Just bit my lip so I am tasting copper and my ass is numb.

Sorry if its taking me a while to get back to y’all.I cant get Hotmail at home so I have to wait till I get up to Hollywood and shit.

Gonna go and Pass out with the dog and dream on.