So, where was I?

Mmmm! In the pit…… Like I was saying, by the time The Hard-on’s got off stage I should have been in traction! There are only a few bands that turn Me into a Ritlin baby on red frogs and those boys, needless to say, light my fire…SHAME on all the hipsters that take home grown talent for granted saving up all their rock love for the internationals..See me after class! Took bloody ages to get a drink after that so Me and Fernanda stocked up.I turned around only to be confronted by the one person who is more rude and crude than my Whitetrash self…Enter stage right, one Mr Nik Troppiani,Mogul, mover, motherfucker and shaker. We have a charming habit of screaming total and utter profanity into each others faces no matter who is around,whenever we meet..the object is [ that is if there IS one..] is to be totally shameless, a task that neither one of us have a problem with.!! After the screaming comes the random violence of which I am a BIG fan.Poor Chris, the most dapper drummer from Turbonegro got caught in the middle of our male bonding session and made a break for the backstage area looking quite shaken, poor lad.Dont blame him to tell you the truth. Nik and I can be a Wog whirlwind at the best of times…He went on,fearless, into the nite, pinching boys asses and going bugshit in the mosh. I got a great photo of him from the balcony where a friend told me upon seeing my sweaty self hanging over the railing that I “..was doing my metal Juliet and giving the royal wave”…Cheeky git! My Reply? I then gave him the royal finger!

So down into the bowels of “Pick-the-riff” heaven!!! OH! But I havent spied that many sailor caps off Oxford St in my life!!! Nothing like a bunch of hefty blokes in eyeliner kicking out the jams on a Friday night!!! As I squished my way onto the dance floor I was swept off my combat booted tootsies by Flame Boa Dave and CARRIED! No less! into the eye of the sonic storm!My hero! It takes a brave man to attempt to sweep Me offa my feet but he has been getting away with it ever since I worked the door at Cue in the bad old days [” I dont give a fuck who ya sucked off last week girlie,if you dont have a badge stop wasting my time.”] As you can imagine I didn’t make many friends in THAT job…I digress…We are flailing around when they start playing “Get it on!!” It is, at that moment, that I cop a burbon and coke in the face,have what Hank assured us was “Dolphins blood” smeared all over me and being the tall fucker that I am , catch the feather pillow that has been tossed from the stage and swing it round my head cackling like a witch covering all and sundry in white feathers…blood,burbon,feathers and rock and roll? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh……. Colour my ragged ass sated!

The nite, as all good things do ,ended.I caught up with heaps of people that I havent seen in ages![ Mel & John! Good ta see ya! Shoot on Pittman,See ya at BDO Ben.Tim and Tito!My fave gay lovers!….] Got to meet the band and make a simpering tit out of myself as always…yup!…fanboy strikes again. Took heaps of photo’s that I got back tonite.[Including damming snaps of the last run to Melbourne and Bris-Vegas….half of which I will destroy when I get back to Chez Shed], Dropped a quadbox on my foot because I am a tool and got squried home by Sir Scotty only to find a car jacking taking place out the front of my abode!Now THAT is how ya have a nite out!!!…WAIT! THERES MORE!!!!!!!

I think that I got some sleep when the phone rang..My Brother reminding Me to remove my head from My butt and to make my way to the MECCA that is The Annandale,where, I am informed, my snotty- wanna-be- rock- god- name will be on the door for…MASSAPPEAL! I did NOT hafta be asked twice.Sighhhhhhhh..under-aged- goonwine- mean-skinny-high-school- joint memories swiriling through my motley head as I made my way gingerly across the room due to a very stiff neck and an epic case of mosh-itis.Doing the sniff test through the mountain of long sleaves that I make my way over every day to get to the bathroom,I threw on “Funhouse” by the Stooges and proceeded to rev myself up.Picking the least stinky T [Dont lie!! we all do it!!] And strapping myself back into the combats,I made my way out into the trenches for another offensive.Lock ‘n’ load! Ahhh, Massappeal, when I was young and my heart was an open book…Hold on! Wait a sec..ahem!!….When I was but a minor stain on the duvet of cool, I saw these guys tear a long forgotton venue apart in my less than hip hometown.Jesus wept and I very un-suavely spewed on myself BUT kept on moshing SO, as you can imagine it was with a tear in my cragy bad tempered eye that I showed up tonite. And by the state of it I was’nt the only bloody one!! Must be some kind of joint collective fucking memory that one!The place was packed to the fucking rafters! So glad that I got to see them tear such a good room apart! I was fading at the end so I went and lay down next to a heavily pregnant woman who I informed was “Gonna have the COOLEST kid!” Looking rather pained at my unwashed self and acompanying enthusiam, She smiled wearily and folded her hands over her bump and it was at that moment I was re- reminded of why I think that children are a bad idea….

Ahhh, The opening act…. Blackie had been chewing My ear off for some time about these guys and I am a convert to be sure. Check out the Stockholm Syndrome ASAP. Good God!I even got the 7″ and I dont have A RECORD PLAYER!!! Me being the Drummer fan of hell had my jaw flapping like a barn door! As a unit these guys are peerless. HOW fucking GREAT is Australian Music???You dont have to answer that Oh mighty sikfuks…just keep turning up to the shows!!! This sunday is gonna be a blinder at The Annadale yet again when My Fave Riot Bitches take to the stage at 6 sharp…Mz Ann Thopik with their new bass queen Kirsty. I will be there with Fernanda who never says no to a farewell tequila as she is jetting to Brazil next week…sniff! Soooo That was My weekend! Impressed? Well ya fuckin’ autta be!! I bloody am!!!

Poor Ross! I sent him these missives and he cleans up my dyslexic mayhem before it makes it to White trash for your voyeristic reading pleasure.He should be knighted for his efforts…and as for the “No boilers on the bus” rule. Its Ok big fella…We have all done it at one time or another.Rest assured that his other half thinks that I am a total bitch now.[” We are not a fucking taxi service for disenfrancised youth” muttered Heirr Stormtooper Madden from the shotgun seat while her trusty Bassgod gripped the gear stick white knukled and squinted into the cruel Queensland sun……] I will be passing on the photos of said jaunt this week [ shudder!] so they will be up real soon. Got some great snaps of the Preference boys inc. one Of Tim Hanging off a fence like a posessed monkey and NiKko jumping on top of me while running round the room playing his bass…Oh Darlin’s! I know its holy rock’n’roll bit I SPIKE it!!! Hehh..Hehehehh….

So Ash finally got me on the phone after I had been practicing the little-known-cause-I-am-making-shit-up-again ancient zen art of avoidence…We had our manditory “Fuck you.” “NO! Fuck YOU,Man!!” for round about 20 miniutes and then we decided that the only way to get me over this writers block thingo that I seem to be having [..”There is no such thing as writers block Michele, you are just fucking Lazy..” “LAZY!Fuck you Manning!!Some of us have to work for a living…” “NO FUCK YOU MICHELE!!This album is not gonna get made if YOU keep fucki….” add lib to fade….]Was to lock me in .Damn.See! Just like family really!! We love each other like…um…the Hatfields and the Mc Coys?.Hell! It works for us.You can see why Quiggs and Delux tend to avoid the writing process, huh!….We start again on Monday.Bugger. […”Cant trust that day,na,na,na,na,na,na..”.] I will be fine once I get in there and that pointy bearded bastard knows that AND Me far too well…… I have been keeping My head down, [well outside of big rock weekends that is!] I think that everyone is well over getting my answering machine.[ “Michele,It is time to let Johnny Cash Rest in peace…PLEASE!!”..Blackie on my machine.] I am really looking foward to playing at Candys next week.It will be cool. Miss Karen is down in Melbourne putting the wheels in motion for our next jaunt down to Smack central in november..Ross is plotting our next film clip for “Damage” You guys have NEVER seen me like this before! Christ! I have never seen Me like this before!!!Its gonna be different thats for sure! I think that he wants to get that rolling soon and as you can imagine I have got my knickers in a twist, [well, I would have if I wore any!] Over METAL FOR THE BRAIN!!!! Ohhhhhhhhh!!! I am dripping like a busted fridge with sheer metal LUST at all the bands that I am gonna rock out to that day!!!WAHHH!!! Big cheers to Adam and Co. for getting the show back on the road.Remember why you are there and what it is for and then go as hard as you can!!!!

Thanx for all the mail that you guys fire My way.It is always cool to hear what you are all up too. Well done to “Project Mayhem” Sikfuk’in it all over Old Blighty as I tap away and to the splinter group of “The Mischeif comittee” who have let me know who is who on the “Rage” Page…I am touched! Mike V and the Melbourne sikfuks who are doing a great job with the chatroom and the down south street team. Skot and the Sydney crew and all the new family nmembers in Brisvegas who have taken to us like a fellon to hard core porn!!!…Like Al Jolson woud say…..
“You ain’t seen NOTHIN’ Yet!”
Stay sik and I will see ya on the 31st at Candys…
Michele.