Show me the way to go home..

I’m tired and I wanna go to bed
I had a little drink about and hour ago and its gone right to my head.
-Trad.

I use my mistakes against you.
-Tool.

If they fell into a barrel of tits they would suck their thumbs.
-Jasco SF.

Before I really get into it?
Fuck you.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Isn’t that better?
You try it. Say it like you mean it and say it to the one that you know deserves it’ cause really?
Who cares?
Do you?
If you do it will pass…. you can push it as well…. feel free to liberate yourself With every breath.

Caring, especially when indescrimatly and unwisely will cost you. Trust me. The interest rates are a cunt and the bills keep on a-coming.

I can’t be bothered. Why harbour almost rans and mediocrity? The lame, the ones that are not going to come good. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Inhale and on the exhale?
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck you.

It’s all about balance and how dramatically it can veer within ones self if you let it. I find myself muttering the serenity prayer like the old addict that I am and trying not to completely lose my mind. I was addicted to trying to find the right ones to have around me. It was a need. The need of need, the worst drug of all.

I died and was resurrected time and time again. A Las Vegas Jesus 3 shows daily watch me roll away my rock and get fucked by my 12…. free popcorn. And voucher parking.

Fuck you.

I go to bed dizzy. Every muscle in my corpse hating me, burning.
Hating me as much as I hate it. Knowing that I will be pulling my stinking running gear back on in 7 hours to stumble over the frost crusted earth. I don’t wake up till 20 minutes in. Everything killing me and I fucking love it.
I love it like I would love a whore; like I would love all the ones that don’t love me…they will never love you back. They don’t even know that you exist unless it serves them. I am bowed beneath a hateful thing a pain divine and I can’t get enough.

I am blown away by how little gets done in the music industry. I laugh now. It’s a cruel sound; one that I wish didn’t emanate from me but what the fuck am I ment to do? I am yuckkin it up cunts.

There is nothing ever set in stone. Goddamn nothing ever set at all and I am down to a fine art here.
Zen for the terminal and trust free.

Hateful fucking creatures that we must deal with….all of us.

I am set in good ways here so its not fucking with me too much but my anger is being kept on a steady and productive boil. People never fucking cease to amaze me. People who I thought were more stand up and are so patiently fucking not. Talk shit to me about some one and then go out to dinner with them where you are more than likely talking shit about me.

See this? No, beyond the middle finger that I am holding steady about an inch from you nose you dumb fuck…this! This is me giving up on fucking all of you. You lying traitorous bastards and I feel all the better for it as y’all suit each other into the fucking ground.

How is Germany?
I don’t know…. I could be anywhere really and I think that is a redeeming feature of my somewhat meagre coping mechanisms. I have my thing and I stick to it. Run morning and night the wind so biting that my fingertips and nose are numb by the time I get to the back of the Reperbahn. I have lost alot of weight and am 11kgs off my fighting weight now.

I feel like I want to kill everything that gets in my way but for the 1st time it is quiet. It’s not flying a flag. It sees annilation as a task on its path to somewhere else. I think this is good. Its not making me happy per say but it does feel correct and in this shit storm that is going down smooth with me.

Why do I bother? No one wants to be fixed…they just want you to listen agree and make sympathetic noises in all the right places.they go back to the bottle, return to the one that beat them, that hurt them all while you were there for them trying to help.

Fuck help and fuck you.
If you cant help yourself fuck you.

I will be over here watching if I can think of nothing better to do

I hate all my own weaknesses so what makes me think that i am going to be privy to yours.

Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you

I would rather be alone. The days that I want to name names? Oh darling…. so many of them

Don’t you DARE get up in my grill and look at me like I am the little man while you pontificate half pissed again. Too fucked up your whole life to even try and see what you would be like with out all the shit that you hide behind. I fucking hate you.

I have track 7 on Doom Saloon and more balls than you will ever fucking have. Cross me…go on…see who walks away. Vestiges being stripped. I don’t fucking care. I watch the world roll by out the window of a rented van with nothing but rock and roll on my side.

Fuck you.

You have to decide if you are going to be the fucker or the fuck-ee so to speak. I know where I stand. I just broke the earth for my empire.

Fuck you.

SF4L
Michele