Reunited.

A girl can dream can’t she?…..

It is blast furnace hot. Death valley. Crematorium. Hot.

The days linger late lolly-gagging and unwilling to leave the perceptual party,children sulking at their bedtime,grizzling with hard earned exhaustion by the foot of the stairs.( “I am going to count to three oh fruit of my loins and if your not in bed by the time I am done..one…t-wo……) It is the molten middle of summer and I am in my fleet footed,long limbed element.Festival season has descended among the heartless heathens once again so I find myself surviving on very little sleep,minor chords and plundered backstage catering.There I go, luminous with noise and just the slightest pinch of cunning, my hallowed name graces the list at every heavily guarded backstage door and harried festival box office.

And so it damn well should.

Sun smacked skin,caramel limbs and when we are this loud brothers and sisters? We are flawless.Beyond reproach and mortality lo!.

Wooo-wee baby! Ain’t life grand? You wanna dance pretty mama? Wanna hold my hand?

I dress my mean lean length like its 1978 and I sing back up vocals on long languid cocaine powered sessions for the copious cornucopia of raw talent signed to Capricorn records down Georgia way…( “Duane said my pitch and my ass were perfect…”) ..Behold as the ugly masses part like the Red sea ,slack jawed in my lion maned, chiffon swaddled,aviator shaded,stack heeled wake ,only full of dumb-asses rather than the chosen people.The magic pass that accesses me to all areas swings like a metronome keeping time from the strap of my low slung leather  bag and removes me from the unwashed masses all of whom are green with envy,sunstroke and alcohol poisoning.My lariat grins like an open wound under the weight of the stack of laminates that will be the size of a baby’s head by the time autumn rolls her red and gold brush broadly over the calender and the circus has long left town.

I am made for heat and fury,constructed for sonic mayhem and hotel trouble.Built for the rigors of Rock and Roll and ready for my close up motherfucker-best-you-believe-it baby.…The increasingly rare air trapped screaming inside the club is meaty with spilt beer and dishonest sweat,my twinkle toes stick to the tacky carpet and I hear my name called happily from at least a dozen directions.The Sonics bellow from the sound-system and it puts some pep in my sexy step for sure. Pressing flesh and kissing silent screen worthy glitter marred cheeks I make my way laughing to the bar where a Red bull,already open and pierced with a straw awaits my anticipated arrival with a dishy wink. Panting slow peeling posters of shows long past sag like sad girls with empty dance cards from the pockmarked walls due to the blast furnace heat that no air conditioner can dent nor tame no matter how hard it tries and the music is obnoxiously,fantastically loud.It permeates my every pore and I am lit with it.High on it.Sell the car,sell my clothes, I ain’t never coming home…..

I press the icy tin to my sternum which causes my nipples to stiffen.

I have prepared myself for you,almost tied a big red bow around my fine high steeping thoroughbred ass. Bathed and scented my every inch,pampered my every pore,an amoral architect.We like temptation don’t we daddy? Preparation for that  is what I must do or you will slip away.Into safer harbors and calmer tides.What the hell do I know? A regimented life and wife?  But here I am,right where you left me starving for the pleasure of your company,no handle, all knife.

Tonight you will surf the big waves and there is no lifeguard on duty,your leg rope severed.I am the siren that calls to you .Come wreck yourself upon this.

Born beneath a bad sign and self created I dipped myself into black water like Achilles.Tonight,if you want me and I know that you will,I shall be immortal ,you by proxy  and we will never die.There are starved,greedy eyes on me ripping the flesh from my silver soldered bones but I ignore them because they are not you.I sense your presence dear,my radar goes wild and know that I must ignore you too.

Smiling as I nod along to “If you want blood” Bon wailing and me agreeing.

As you do me. La-de-fuckin’-da…I know right? High school never ends.We are all bound by desire to do this dance over and over till the day we die…I find it so hard to believe that everyone in this grotty big nowhere inner city shithole can’t see my fifty foot neon hunger for you,smell my desire as I feel luminous with it.A bustout bawdy beacon of lust.

And the dogs,they lay panting at my feet.

I feel the five second delay motion of the tassels trimming  my knee high boots as I stalk the perimeter and we pretend that we just don’t care.The hottest little two-step in town and tonight we are Fred and Ginger,our choreography  is Taylor-Burton diamond flawless.Everything has the amplification of an acid trip by way of MDMA  and it is a genuine wonder I don’t keel over in a dead faint.

Look-a  here baby…My thighs long and lean, my crotch chewing on the seam of my tiny distressed denim shorts like cloth gum. Tattered Stooges tee-shirt,gossamer thin torn exposing my gold dusted shoulders,just so,white lace bra and tiny panties making my skin darker by negative comparison.I gratefully accept a cool drink from a friend on my way to the dance floor and with my spare hand lifting the hank of  heavy hair from my tattooed neck,I shut my million mile eyes and dance alone in the eye of the storm.

I feel the sweat bead and run down my ink bitten flanks,running a liquid grand national down the sound bent beads of my spine.The air throbs with the scent of full tar cigarettes, dope ,illicit promise  and unadulterated filthy funk.This is a forever night and the moon knows my name,calls me sweet baby…..Opening my  heavy eyes,shuttered by glorious midnight lashes I glance up from under at the band before me bathed in wet blue and red lights. My friends,my talented,vain glorious epic friends .They are all stealing glances at me,thieving looks.I poke my tongue out and waggle it lavishly and the shaggy haired guitarist laughs.They speed up and I move slower because I am mean and determined,the undertow has claimed me and I willingly drown.My best friend, wanton and desired by the boys in round about a million or so bands at last count is all at once by my sweat shined side,her pale arm snakes around me and I sigh leaning into her alabaster orbit heavy with Tom Ford’s black orchids,red lips and Dos Equis.

“He is here!” she yells in my ear,the words coated with smiling triumph.

“Ma Perdita corozon,via con dios!.” I yell back with a wink and she throws her head back with a great big peal of  amethyst laughter that has been known to cause hard-ons and heart attacks ,we kiss quick like  butterfly’s and proceed to dance like dervishes we are,locked forever keyless by sonic solidarity.

You utter bastard.You Fucker….

I feel you at the base of my spine,in my hips slow aching like food poisoning.I feel you where my pulse meets my blood and shimmy’s in my veins doing the bassline for “Dirt” .It has been so long since I have felt anything at all that I feel unhinged.I didn’t know if I occurred to you like you did me during the time that separated us,the life and ocean that held you from me but here you are again and not a damn moment too soon.Your passport stamped ,your calender cleared.My punk rock prince,the kisser of scars,chevalier noir.

Mine,mine,mine.

And you knew that I would not stay away,that I couldn’t if I tried not that I ever would have tried real hard mind, it would have been easier trying to get toothpaste back into the tube….I kinda hate you for that you know. But why of course you know,you read my beads way back didntchoo lover? Had my dystopian culo tagged and bagged from the get go,oh yes you did...My sorry assed sordid lack of control must be written all over my fevered face right about now,damn you to hell and back! You knew that I would be here at the height of my formidable femaleness.I have no doubt that you would have hunted me down had I stayed away but as time is of the essence we need to suck it dry,no time to mess around,got to drain the marrow from its bones,sew its orifices shut,throw it in the hole and fuck on its grave before the headstone has even been carved.

I avoid your eyes knowing that once they lock with mine we are utterly done for.Cactus.I wanna draw it out long and sweet,like fuck flavored taffy.Savor this filth.I have waited so long….And here come our  magnificent mutual friends to make much of me and my joy is honest at their presence and attention but still you stay away.Many hugs and semi-salacious salutations,our hectic laughter coats the smoke stained air and hitches a joyride to the stars.But you and me cowboy?  Tonight we seal the deal that was made the first time we met with spit and friction.Tonight you will tell me of all the road weary nights spent in narrow bunks still buzzing from the show that I came to you,that you dreamt of me.And in return I will give you the three am’s that I called your name when I came beneath my own talented hand.

I can wait.I excel at it.Do your thing baby and I will do mine….

Tonight we own the world and all that it entails.

I have been here,to this room at the end of the world,many times.The owners greet me effusively,bells and whistles, treat me like rock royalty and I always feel treasured.Drink tickets flutter in my wake like ticker-tape.All rise.I wave to the sound man,compliment the door-girls new haircut and am told at the bar with mock severity that my money is no good here.

I want to feel like this forever.

I extract myself from the packed dance floor as the headline act has now sucked every sound driven soul into the churning pit and the front bar is eerily deserted and at least ten degrees cooler.It is time. I am ready for my close up Mr DeMille….

Grabbing a water from the cooler by the side of stage, I make my way out to the smokers court yard where I stretch  laughing at the sudden abundance of warm semi-fresh air,solitude and the ringing in my ears.Cracking my neck and tying my hair up in a loose knot ,I ease into the shadows and pull myself up onto the open tailgate of a friends truck in the parking lot.Candy colored lights are strung like a carnival midway above and the bass strains to hook me back in again muffled though many stone and baffled walls.My feet ache and its not to hard to resist. I can hear the traffic bitch and whine on the main road.I lean back crossing my arms,fingers laced beneath my head,smell the jasmine perfume and sweat emanating from my armpits and proceed to get my flirt on with the low smog slung yellow moon.

It is here that you find me.Where I lead you.I sense you before I hear you and I hear you before I see you….

“Nice boots mamacita.”

“I know”” I reply softly without sitting up.You laugh that laugh that makes me feel like the wittiest girl in the room wearing invisible clothes and I smile that crooked fat lipped smile that you made fun of the very first  time we met  no less. My terrible,terrible heart is now in my fork tongued mouth mixing with the Niagara of saliva that has just flooded it and cinnamon gum that I chew incessantly bobs like a buoy.I shut my eyes.Your step amplified by the loose gravel beneath your jet-lagged feet.Slow.Savoring it all knowing that this scene of anticipation will be played back over and over again until the next rare time we belong to each other,until the sprockets tear and the negative scratches.

Tonight?

We are all we have.You are all that I want.

Together we are dangerous. Pheromones.A pornographic chemistry set.Narcissists delight.

(Darlin’…come closer.)

The truck bed shifts and sags under your welcome weight.You lie next to me scant inches away and I promptly  proceed to have a coronary in the grace of your long longed for company.I can smell the heavy exhaustion and nasty sweet sweat that lightly coats your pale skin.I’m imaging your tongue on my spine,in my mouth tangoing with mine swapping secrets surfing on spit,tasting of sin and burnt sugar,your body wrapped around me and shiver.My scenic skin is throwing off heat like confetti at a wedding.I am the Cult’s “Electric” sleepy eyed and faux- mystical resplendent in a coon-skin hat and a knowing look.The Stooges “Raw Power” wrapped in skin tight silver leather burning cars in Detroit.I am AC/DC’s “Live-wire” drinking Stones green ginger wine with Bon backstage into the wee hours.

I am all this and more and I am yours.For as long as you want me,I belong to you.

I dare not turn my head.I want,I need you to think that I am the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen,The Taj Mahal with tits.I want you to want me,crave me till the day we die. Drink my profile like a slow 40 ounce ,teen-aged and teetering on the edge.Seer it into you memory,brand it into your brain to keep you company out there in the big bad world.You turn towards me,on your side.I can feel your breath on my shoulder,your eyes tracing the hard pollack lines of my profile.Sometimes, I think we look like siblings.

(I want you to touch me,don’t touch me….)

“Are you going to open your eyes?”  you ask smiling.

(We think we are so damn cool…)

“Hell no!” I laugh and they spring open despite me,traitorous things.

You take my breath away and you can keep it,I don’t need it I swear.I can’t move.I want to devour you.We stare at each other in shock our cool game playing banter and bullshit blown off its hinges.

“I have missed you so much.” you say just as I had daydreamed it endlessly,like I willed it to happen and you place the tip of your string callused finger on my full lips.I deflate,my eyes swim with tears.

“Don’t” you say tuned to a low E and pitched right at my pelvis.I vibrate with your every word. “Plenty of time for that later.”

You are right for you will go,I will be left behind but before that particular cruelty comes to pass ,you seal me with a kiss.

and the band played on.………….