Kid.

The full moon was definitely fucking with my fickle atoms and high strung tendencies as I manned the door with my usual dashing aplomb on Saturday night.

Easter long weekend and can we get a fifty foot fluorescent emphasis on “Long” please ? Thank you.It was fucking heinous on every level.Behold the majesty of  my infants all high as string-less kites and pumped full of coca, Elvis bless their pill pulverized and only just post-pubescent selves.

“We heard your show was amazing Seven!” they cried gamboling around my rotund form like PCP fueled puppies promising to be there next week as I handed out flyers to all and sundry,pressing them into sweaty hands and hoping against hope for mass attendance come Wednesday night. I am quite snotty and panicked that my sinus infection is returning,in fact I am sure of it because that’s how my life tends to roll.That with my aching joints due to me being a big fat pig makes me a real catch don’t ya know….

There is a certain strain of sunlight that is exclusive to California that makes me feel like I can do anything,it gives me superhuman strength ,a place that I finally belong and being a bonafide fuck up and a foundling that ain’t no small thing.This light is a wonder to behold.Its lazy and shot with possibility.The air is luminous, model thin,high on magnolia blossoms,wildly enabling and I sing like a Bowie/Bolan fed canary.

I miss being that alive and that beautiful.Of being woken up with kisses and passion-fruit tea.Love.

Can you tell that I am homesick? That I miss my life,that I miss being an almost wife?

Just spoke to Miss Emma while watching a special on Bela Lugosi and eating apple licorice and she was relating tales of her hurt heart .She is super strong but it comes in waves as we all know.Big black crushing waves of fucking misery.I told her not to sweat it as I have been writing the same heartache hosanna since mine got beat down broken.Music and words people.Men don’t want goddesses.Point blank.I would love to see someone prove me wrong.

Winter is falling over the country like an iron shroud of misery.I had no summer and I feel totally ripped off. Although living inside will be a lot warmer this year,granted.The old house has been torn down and it makes me so sad that I haven’t even wandered by to take a gander.Oh asbestos shack! How I miss you so,vale.

Got all angry and cleaned up my room today.Well,half of it anyway.I just threw everything down the side of my bed and now we are ignoring each other,works for me.My room bears a startling resemblance to the trash heap in “Fraggle rock”.If it starts talking back to me I am gonna have a fit.I folded a a pile of tee-shirts that came up to my thigh and can we keep in mind that I am six foot three.Who the fuck has that many tee-shirts? Well,me I guess.Quel sigh.I think that I second hand shop to replace my relationship but you cant shag a lamp that looks like it was made of gummi bears in 1973 ,endless ropes of fairy lights and a hatstand.Well,I guess you could but I can’t say that I am up for it.Last time I coughed a tumbleweed fell out of my snatch…..

I am imbibing antibiotic pills big enough to choke a horse.My sinuses are shitting themselves and my hearing is suffering mightily.Sang along with the best of Fleetwood Mac while dancing on my bed complete with much hair flinging and flirting with myself in the mirror to test out the machine and I think that I was in tune.I hope that I was.I didn’t hear the dogs next door going batshit so I guess I was hitting the mark.I need to be ok in time for tomorrow night.

I still do good things for terry toweling hot pants so its not all bad…..

Still thinking about selling a kidney to fund my next bass rig as I read on Nine MSN today that a rather enterprising Chinese boy did just that to fund the purchase of an i-phone and i-pad.What is the going rate for a kidney anyway? I have to look into this.My kidneys would be the Rolls Royce of organs being that I don’t drink and all.What a fucking sexy scar and an awesome war story that would be.I would be like Captain Quint from Jaws with tits,only without the shark and stuff.”Yeah,see this one here? This one is from an Ampeg!” That does it! Yet another stupid idea I have sold myself on.

Reese designed me some beautiful cherry blossoms with skulls in their centers a while ago that would look absolutely pants around a 14 inch keloid scar….

I was going to sell my eggs at one point and then I read into what you have to do to yourself pre-harvest.I would rather knock over a servo for ten grand thank you very much.Vaginal injections?? Let me get this straight,you want me to take that syringe and what?!... My point exactly. And the fact that I am a homicidal whack job is not as tempting to the average egg shopper than say a collage graduate who is good with animals.

My room mates 4 year old son is saying with us for the week end.I have no words….that’s a lie,I have plenty.I am never having kids.

Ok,first off,childbirth.Its like pulling a wet Saint Bernard out of a plug hole.A pot roast out of a Pringles tin.Utterly disgusting on every level.Like being a woman is not hard enough without ruining one of the only things that gives you pleasure ( Your pussy,duh!) outside of spending your rent money on secondhand books and knee high boots.Children.They never stop.You cant take the batteries out and I don’t know how to talk to them so I just act like me which tends to go down like a schooner of cold sick with their parental units.We freak each other out ,lets just leave it at that.

Good grief.

I think that I will stay in bed tomorrow and drown in snot while practicing my guitar.In honor of Sir Nick Cave being on this weeks flyer I am doing a song by The Boys Next Door.I pray that Lilli doesn’t put  Malmsteen on next weeks effort or I am fucked.Doing a few more of my own,the skeletons that they are.My liquid bones parading round like the kinder-whores at the Zoo station in Berlin.My babies.I always feel a lot more confident before the show.Get up there and just feel like a retard.Story of my life really….I choke when it comes to playing what I write.

I am strong, never ever said that I was tough.

This is forcing me to get my shit together to a degree so I have to be happy with that.Nothing else was working that’s for damn sure.

I don’t want to know about Friday the 13th…..

Legs crossed.heart broken.Any questions?