“To many teardrops for one heart to be cryin'”

-? Mark and the mysterions.

Nothing is more expensive than a start
-Nietzsche.

Bordom; the desire for desires.
-Leo Tolstoy

So we are gonna jam a song today that I never thought would se the light of day. I wrote it with a severely broken heart.
Its called “my Issue” but from the amount of ribbing I am getting it may as well be called “Get a tissue”

The boys insist on calling it my great ‘emo” effort.

I cringe.

We all hold our hands over one eye,as a fringe and pretend to cry.

Ross did one of those nice “This doesn’t mean that im SORRY or anything like that” gestures. I came home from hours of msn madness to find a paper bag full of pulp novels outside my bedroom door.

Being that I usually read a book a day back home and have been starved for the last month this is a godsend.

Ash got all his pedals fixed today for the sum of 22 euros. The dude gave him a saint Pauli beanie and a beer while he worked on them. Gotta love the way that business is done in Hamburg.

Me and [sm] ash share the dininggroom as a workstation since Ross lost it at him for humming continuously while playing guitar. It doesn’t bother me none. I just put on my Discman and drift away.

Turns out that the asbestos drama was urban legend so I aint moving not that I was gonna anyway.

I talked briefly to saint Tina today she sounds good, I attempted to get all the feelings that ding around in my empty head like an sorrow driven pinball.She dosnt need that from me but never the less.

I have my headphones on cause everyone is driving me spastic again.Don’t want to listen to ash rewrite history.[“That’s not how it happened man!I was there too….”]

Pointless really.

I have started this a few times tonite. Can’t pin down what I am feeling the hardest, memories and what not are fighting for supremacy with in me and all I am is a scar covered flesh battlefield.

People are falling away again and I am not doing a goddamn thing

It all seems to go on a 5-year drop off.

Nothing is too personal. And like Perry said nothings shocking.

Once again I can’t be bothered with myself. Just fall asleep cause then you are not here and here is where you are.

Skoota wrote me tonite from Nz.Full of kindness that I hardly knew what to do with. How has it been so long? So many years bleeding together. The last time I saw him at manly fishos he glowed. The ranch a million years ago. I was disposed of neatly.

I wish that there were a net connection in the compound. When we were in Calgary I would go 13 hours at a time in that craptacular net cafe. Here I just count the cracks in the ceiling and try and redeem myself.

Fuck it, my brain is skittish like a goddamn colt. Going to take it into the back paddock and shoot it.

SF4L
Michele