Predictable.

I was told that I hadn’t changed.This was said with bitterness and vitriol meant to hurt me.Quite the opposite.It was a bunch of flowers and the homecoming crown as far as I was concerned.

Change? Fuck it.I am down with evolution.

I wear my convictions priceless and princess cut baby.It annoys the would-be-if-they-could-be alphas who knew from the get go that they would never be able to keep up no matter how hard they tried or faked it.I tend not to measure myself against the pedestrian and the lackluster.I have far more important things to do.Someone asked me to break it down for them the other night.

Here it is.

If you are not for me you are against me,if you get in my way I will run you over.

Simple,poetic and just a muy bit sexy.

I dig economy.I dig precision,my thesaurus,Dr Pepper and bullfighters on black velvet.

Why should I change? I applaud the animal that I have become and now I want to get better  at being me. Physically and mentally.You have no idea how much this threatens wanna-be contenders but their lack of foresight and courage is not,nor will it ever be my problem.I am not wearing a porters cap and no one gave me a dollar so I ain’t gonna carry your bags dig?

I think I put it on the gatefold for Tourettes second album and I still stand by it. “Everything that they love you for in the beginning they will crucify you for in the end.”

Let ’em whine and post their veiled references.Go for it son. You feel better now?  I just don’t care. People can push me only so far. What can I tell ya? Whining non-starters just don’t crank my engine. Nothing but landfill and fertilizer that hasn’t had the good grace to die.

These fools don’t even have the credentials let alone the necessary balls it would take for me to view them as worthy adversary’s. Its a shame really….

I got told that I am predictable.Heh.Whatever gets someones loser ass through the night. I have and will be called worse things,no doubt there. This is it.This is what I am. I hone and sharpen it. I am a bit too salty to let the opinions of almost-rans and bitter self indulgent fucktards get my long limbed self down.

Pioneers get the most arrows.My ass looks like a porcupine.

And I make it look good baby.

Starting to get really excited about wrapping my residency up for a month and writing my ass off with Marcus. Finished an amazing track called “Napoleon’s horses”  last night .So mucho bueno kick ass. I think I want to keep it really sharp and mean in terms of how long it goes for. I err around the 45 minute mark.I love albums that leave me hungry and wanting more. Miss Nina is recording my solo stuff soon as well which is going to be cool.

Focus woman! As your girls would tell you wrapped in fur and velvet “Its all happening” And thank Elvis,it finally is.

This is the year that I thought would not happen.That I would be in a band again and doing what I love once again. May is a hard yard .All I can think of is that it is four years since we lost Michelle and Skoota and that the lack of them never gets any easier. Being in St Cecilia heals a lot within me,its the band that I was bound for from the very beginning. Meldrum being on hiatus as Gene is always so damn busy I am glad that I have something to claim and call my own in its absence. I miss Michelle endlessly.I am here and she is not so its important that I honor what it was that brought us together and that is the music.

Skoota was such a cheerleader for me and what I do.No matter how low I got he always believed it me relentlessly.

So how come the good ones die and I am left to navigate the mongoloid minefield day after day?

I’m flattered…..

I smiled when I saw the songs on the new Mondo Generator album and not just the tracks that I sang on. Some hard words but we always inspired the hell out of each other so I guess that’s something. There are two St Cecilia tracks that are about us and they are good,really good. I still miss the great parts of what we had together because we made such an awesome team. I am so proud of all that we achieved together and view it as a highlight in my personal and professional life.I always felt the weight of our friendship in all that we did and were and it kept me happy.Just lying around playing guitar together and cracking up over shit that no one else understood. I really miss those times.

I always expect to see him walk backstage and sweep me off my feet on Wednesday nights with that look on his face that lead me to call him “My hand-full” He was so happy living here.I was so happy that he shone bright away from the Hollywood take downs and ass clowns.

I miss my best friend.

You know,I would rather be predictable to the ones who never and will never make the grade and want the world to pay for it than lie to myself. Rather get my life all over me than master the art of passive aggression. Be definite in what I am and continue to educate myself and be open to the world and all that I can give and take from it.

If that is predictable? Well then, I am the goddamn CEO.

Stick with you misery and small ponds.I never said I was the big fish motherfucker,I just swam.

I don’t do things because I think that someone is watching,to court approval.I do what I do because it drives me,it sustains me.I cant imagine living any other way.I may end up living in a doorway with thirteen cats and a bottle collection by the time it all plays out but I kept my integrity and I delivered to the best of my ability every time.I was relentless in my pursuit of the sweet spot,I raised the bar for myself every time and continue to do so.I gave my all.

Can you say the same?

I lost some of the things that meant the most to me and I survived it,I plan on surviving and thriving till Elvis calls me skyward to sing backups with The Jordanaire’s in heaven.

I let my life speak for itself and just like Jack Kerouac said I am going to love my life out.

In conclusion?

Eat me.