Bless.

You know that its not going to be good…..

When I saw the message on my phone I lay in bed for half an hour looking at the ceiling, my whole body liquid nitrogen numb.I didn’t want to call,I didn’t want to know. My brain locked like brakes on a wet road.My theory was that if it was as bad as I thought it would be at least he would be alive in my head until I picked up the phone.

That I could have him for just a little while longer…

I called and came undone. Hospitalized with concussion and bleeding on the brain but still alive.

Still alive.

When I saw him in that hospital bed asleep the anger and sorrow fought it out in my blood,a plasma UFC bout. My Big Brother. My best friend brought to deaths door by a couple of fucking kids while he was driving his cab. I felt my marrow start to boil as my eyes followed the line of crooked stitches coming out of the side of his mouth. All the years that he has devoted to music ,the fact that he is a punk rock icon ,that I have so many friends in California that make a living from their music but here a guitarist that Joey Ramone  (!!#@#$!!!) once said it was a honor to play with has to drive a fucking cab….

Wednesday night was to be our last show of the season before I took a break to write and record with Saint Cecilia. He was meant to be on stage singing with me.The man who gave me back my voice when I was heartbroken and never wanted to play music again.The last eight weeks have given me some of the best shows that I have ever played and to the sweetest and most diverse audiences that I have ever seen.All my beautiful fresh faced Club 77 infants sitting down the front on a sea of sequined cushions, faces tuned up towards the stage like sunflowers to the cream of the punk rock royals,fervent fans of my mental metal years willing to evolve with me…its been great and best of all I got to do it with someone that means the world to me.

Someone who has saved my skittish and rather scant sanity not to mention my life on more than one occasion.

I go mental in a skirmish.Gimme a war and I will do the advance and then proceed to capture the flag.I went into instant overdrive.I would like to tell you the details but I cant remember them.I just went into battle stations.Endless cans of Dr Pepper and no sleep.My irreplaceable team,Sue,Rickards,Richard and Lilli all in my corner.Tony at the Sando giving me what ever I needed including the big room to play in,Mo Mayhem stepping up in Blackies absence,Marcus de Pasquale my amazing band mate and Simon Day from Ratcat.

Oh and round about 250 of you.

I knew that you wouldn’t let me down and you didn’t. I said that every cent raised on the night would go to Blackie and between the raffles and my amazing girls running around with buckets for donations,the keg that my mate Oscar from the Hell City Glamours donated and the door take? I walked to the bank in the rain today with a big goofy smile plastered on my fat head and deposited $3850.

You did good. Know that when Elvis greets you at the pearly gates that you will get an instant upgrade which involves rhinestones,quaaludes and a lot of pork products.You shut down my cynical heart for a whole night and that right there is one hell of a mean feat. You stood and you delivered. You were present and accounted for.

Thank you.

I was so fucked up with relief and gratitude that I messed up a few times but it was raw and I  gave you all that I had. The last song was so great.You overwhelmed me.

All you need is love indeed.

I spoke to Blackie this morning and his entire focus is on recovery,wellness and getting back up on stage on the 4th of July. He sends his love to all.

As do I.

Bless you.

I thank Elvis for y’all daily.

See you in a month.