Ive paid my dues,time after time.

-Queen.

Jesus come close now,i think my time is near.
-PJ Harvey.

Can you hear them?,they talk about us.
-The Go-gos

Of course I have a head cold on the eve of rock bailage to kroutland.
Got tattooed today for a few hours and I couldnt feel a thing.
Told you it was gonna be all about ink and fuckin.[Not at the same time,like.]

My heart hurts along with my rubber bits.[ Due to an enviable and fantastic ammout of desperate overuse thank you very bloody much.]
I just lie there and watch him sleep like I will be able to pull on it like a reserve while I am gone. Me ,Miss Kitten and flame haired goddess Raquel,well,we all know that time is running out and no one wants to cry.
I have no fucking idea what I am doing.
Besides beating myself up for never being grown up enough to pull it together.
I will be dumpster diving thru the continent. Fuck it.

No one is in touch with me at the moment.

Saw the beloved Saint Tina and my pirate brother Jr.A festive dinner and much evil gossip was had by all.

I dont know if I cant get it together cause I keep telling myself that or what? The house is asleep and I was an idiot and missed my window to pass out and hence? Writing shit that is in no way evocative of the inner terror that is looming within once again.

Failure is in no way an option though.Be warned,I am gonna kick so much ass I will go down a shoe size by the time I am done.I am always gonna be insane that is just a fucking given so I gotta keep going. There is too much that wants me to stop.All the little net cowards and my zillion detractors my 8th grade Nemesis and more than likely the monkey hiding in my butt.

I just have to get real and hit the high seas again.the funny thing is is that getting up there and doing ma thang is the fucking least of it.It is the other fated 23 hours in the day that give me greif.I am proud though,zen packing at its finest.I have one change of clothes and a fresh journal to defile…..oh…..and no money.

ahem

Just gotta piss in the wind I guess.I mean,we cant stay here its too depressing by far at the moment as a band.No one in this whore of a ringmeat addled scene wants to take risks and as shitscared as I can get at my lowest I know that that is exactly the path of action that needs to be taken.

Fear is one fuck of a motivator thats for sure.

I cant stop now.And what praytell the fuck would I do?.I win,I am always gonna win even when I think that Im not.So fuck off.

sigh.

So there I was loading stripey homeless person bags of ratty clothes into Jrs car once again thinking about when and where we would all meet again.Saint Tina protective of all my journals in their shit Hello Kitty school case,back into dusty storage for fuck knows how long this time.

Its gonna be summer there.I am gonna stand on the side of the stage and watch Moterhead.Point and laugh at hippies,sleep on the ground.We are all ment to be at the airport at 9 on saturday morning and my stomach is curdling at the reality of it all.Its the getting there that kills me.

I have not seen Ash since we played the last show.The boys tell me that he is good and we are jamming on thursday.Why do I think I am not going to sleep till I get on the plane?Hmmmmm?

Wish I still smoked.

Nah.

I guess that I will hit you guys up after the Rose Tattoo show.Thanks for all the good times at shows and shit since we have been home.Really,you dont know how much it keeps me going when to tell the truth,I could not be arsed.

see y’all next summer.
SF4L
Michele