I master in the art of tripwire.

I am a God of sabotage.I lay them lovingly, years in advance and then spiral into paranoia of remembering to remember where they all are.I am good but NO one is that good….I open a book and out falls a photo of “Ago” when I had the option of being somebodys someone.Friends and lovers long gone and faded.It hits me like a one inch punch.After I get My breath back, I congratulate myself on the best laid plans and 110 % success rate.I trip them when I am weak.My lazy feet find them when I am alone.When I stray off the path I detonate and shatter myself back to the truth.

Not a breeder,not a pack animal and not in the habit of giving a shit.

No extra ciricular corpse is ever gonna make anything better or easier for me.It is nothing but a band-aid on a bullet wound.

My failures keep me true more than any of my triumphs could ever hope to.

People complicate themselves with other people.Spiral into drama and malignant fucking.Blues and bullshit.It was always under glass for me.I fail myself everytime I get my hands dirty.When I get human.When I am aware in my darkness that I am letting myself do it…

No one is gonna save you.

The way I see it? If no one has the balls to say anything to my face well,then I guess that no one will have the balls to stand in my way.

I think that you can be betrayed so many times that when it dosnt happen you are so shocked that you run on regardless.I used to sign off letters to a friend “The headshy vigilante”. I have a new justice that suits me down to the ground.All are guilty untill proven otherwise.There are not enough hours in the day to convince me that I should cut any sucker an even break. I dont expect anyone to do it for me…..and if they did? I would decline.

You will pay.

Nothing ever comes for free and when it comes down to it I dont have the Mastercard of mass disrespect that passes for payment in their bullshit low rent reindeer games.

Every body wants somthing even when they say that they dont.You are made to pay over and over so you would want to ask yourself if it is really worth it .Can you afford it? I have known that it is not and that I couldnt and yet gone on regardless for the fevered contact high of the moment.What ? Did you think that I was gonna come on infalible? I tear myself apart. Never ask Me why I dont sleep….

I wonder now what I was thinking would happen when I went to Metal for the brain…I had a good time and as always think that I could have done better up there. Caught up with alot of people that I had only ever seen on stage and got to thank them.The Roadburn crew. My old pick up buddies.No questions and you re-tie the thread that could have been cut the week before or a decade ago…summer time and sonics for a good cause..A fine way to spend a day…

The crowd around me happy and high,Forte on stage.. George gurning and playing for his life.Dion drumming his ass off .And there I am ……

Surrounded alone.

It didnt solve anything for me.Nor did I have a moment of clarity but the gift is that I am not looking for the epihany anymore.Thank fuck for that! The more I let go the more I get.I have very little magic in my life.I am pig headed, rude,blunt and stubborn as all fuck.But I never claimed to be anything else.It takes along time to trust your self.It is a test that I fail on a daily basis.Some days you win others you dont.The trick is to stay aware.To watch your internal weather paterns and know what to tie down when you see the thunderheads rolling on the horizon.What is worth saving.Weigh it up.Get clean under the downpour.Work with the deluge.It is always gonna be bigeer than you so get smart and stay alive.

Every day I let go. I give it away.Sometimes I fuck up and throw the wrong stuff but what are you gonna do?

People always ask “What do you want?” . Hear it all the goddamn time. I try not to think so much about what I want.I get het up and the lines blur and I think that I have pretty much always been single minded enough to know what I want.I live it everyday… but I tend to look at what I dont want. What is it that they used to say about keeping your friends close and your enemies even closer?.

Giving up can be the greatest gift.Hate to give the Catholics any credit but they may have been onto somthing with Lent…..

Look, There is a bigger chance than you are ever really gonna want to admit to on any level that you are gonna get royally screwed by your life and everthing in it. Get your rocks off at every available opportunity. Regret takes up too much space and smells like an open grave.

Freak flags are ment for flying.

SF4L.
Michele.