Sleepless in Southern California.

 Your body is as vivid to me as ever it was; even more.

-Adrienne Rich.

I had lines on the table so baby c’mon.

-Dern Rutlege.

I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there.

-Thoreau.

Gah.

Like this wasn’t gonna fuckin happen.

I have meditated [ Vanilla candle from the dollar store, good intentions,mild headache,horny….],Read a book on the Elephant man given to me by Lisle from Long Beach  [ My “Brother from another mother” ‘cept that we are both chicks.] ,eaten 2 apples and whacked off so hard that I almost kneed myself in the head when I blew but do you think that I can sleep? Do ya??  What do you reckon? This finds me sitting up at the studio desk some what out of sorts,moist and mildly angsty in lime green hotpants and a 120 year old White Zombie tee-shirt that I have been wearing to record till it gets too hot which then ends up in a steaming pile on the floor and I wind up yelling take after vein-on-my-neck throbbing take in my underwear.Ho-hum.Its 1:54 am

So now you can put up with me.

It was Mothers day today.

Now,If there was a “Motherfucker day” I would be on the head float waving like a princess every year…Oh yeah, Mothers day….I have no idea where Saint Tina is right now.I am guessing on a camel somewhere outside of Broome.She called me on Xmas day once to tell me she was on an elephant in Thailand.I had just woken up and thought that she had said that she was “In” an elephant and I marveled at the great phone reception she was getting.So a camel would not be too much of a stretch at this point.

Broome [ If you are not from Australia or if you are but were smoking cones behind the detachable classrooms instead of sitting through geography,look it up ] Its as far as you can get from anywhere in the history of ever. [ Cones ] That’s where my intrepid ma said she was going and I have no reason to doubt her.Just miss her is all..Got a pang tonight when we all got back from sushi and sent her a email that bounced back.

Oh well.

I still sign everything that I write to her “The Bad Seed”.

Went out with Michelle [ The other one! I aint talkin in 3rd person…] Before I get onto my night out I just want to say that anyone who is NOT Mohammad Ali and decides to speak of themselves in 3rd person should be shot.I mean it.You stupid self important deluded tools….

Anyhoo.Dinner.With Michelle, her son Jake ,old mate Leisel ,who ,by the way, post dinner hog tied me with packing tape on the green shag pile covered living room floor and abused me with a couple of the aforementioned child’s power rangers and then spanked me with a brush,which,I don’t think had much to do with Mothers day but was a shitload of fun ,Put it this way,I didnt put up much of a fight.I digress…and her parental units Bob and Marily.Who is just “Ma” to me.

Has been since the day I got here.

You have never seen open arms like this….

Why I fly China air I don’t know [“They are cheap,have fuckin hot hostesses and you are always broke.” Inner voice] I spend a shitload of time stuck in Taipei drinking Starbucks chai and mooning over the Hello Kitty 747s on the smoggy runways.Well as soon as I burst through the gates at LAX [ “What are your plans in the United states?’ deadpanned the tired customs agent as I was wondering if that smell could really be coming from my 24 hours in transit self..In a word ,yes. “Well” I smiled while looking at the camera as directed while pressing my finger onto the print reading panel “Planning on seeing Iron Maiden again and picking up a vintage Fleetwood mac tee-shirt and making an album with some mates”….] and saw Michelle , Jake and Gene its all been gravy.

I get to feeling that I have won life’s loudest lottery.

Home,full of sashimi salad and its hot in the studio.Which,by the way,  is nicely built into a large garage.I wonder if I am destined to live in garages forever at this point.Ah! The glamour! Peeing in big gulp cups or on the lawn at 4 am, sneaking into the house like a thief to bathe and eat.Its kinda cool. Like being a pirate. Without the boat or the booty. Or the parrot,eye-patch or wooden leg for that matter….Hold on..Fuck! Its nothing like being a fuckin pirate at all.What it is and does though is suit and soothe the eternal adolescent within  down to the ground . Can I get an Amen? Fuck yeah.

Sleep is not my friend the past few nights though. .

Big involved dreams and I am forever looped to my beloved big brothers cerebral cortex no matter where we are in the world and it seems that he has been having a few clangers of late as well.So I blame him.Ner.

But not for the rude ones though.That would be wrong on a myriad of levels.The rude ones blame lies equally as far as I can assitain at this point, with Aerosmith, a “Slip and slide” that Leeroy had when we were kids ,sunburn,a talking fish and a crush that I moon over.A Talking fish? A fuckin “Slip and slide”?? Jesus.! Like LSD was such a great idea hindsight.

Back to my Brother and out ,out, OUT of the quagmire that is my pants department. A-hem.

He works far too fuckin hard.I don’t know how long I am gonna even be away for at this point and the freedom is soooo intoxicating…But in my heart I return to my shack on the coast and I want to steal him away and do an album there when I make it back. It would be killer.Like The Carpenters!

On my last night in town he dragged me home to his beach side top secret lair and cooked me a great feed all the while telling me that he had a surprise in store for me later.I didnt care.I was just happy to be with him as my last night at home always seems to brew nothing but an internal shitstorm in me.He knows it too and saved me from myself.Bless.

So we pig out and watch a really cool docco that some one made on the Hard -ons and debuted it recently in NYC.It was ace.Blackie has been doing his solo stuff of late and is a recent convert to banging round on an acoustic.Moi? Dirty old hippy from way back so I sang him one of my pop songs and then in return he wooed me with a really sweet duet.That I instantly claimed the girl part on…That’s why I wanna kidnap him and do this thing.It rules.

He is the Brian Wilson of punk.The end.This is not open to discussion.

The surprise? oh man….

I have ,I admit,had my head firmly inserted in my anus the whole last few months at home.Sensory burn out.And I don’t really like people very much.And I didnt dig what some of the few people that I did like [“No more, No Morrrrree!” Internal Steve Tyler ]and been saying about me in my absence seemingly forgetting that my flying monkeys are not only ninjas that can see in the dark but are also equipped with high definition recording equipment that transmits back to me 24-7. So, needless to say my dance card was somewhat empty this summer and I couldn’t have given a flying fuck.Ho hum…where where we?…Like I said ,cant sleep…rambling, frolicking even , through the windmills of my mind,in lederhosen and a red satin….gah!.Rollins! ROLLINS!!! He scored us tickets to watch the man that I love in a somewhat saint – like religious but still hand down the pants kind of  way even though he is vertically challenged and once wrote that he is not so keen on tall women…this I overcome for I  j’adore his pint sized super smart ass, for imaginary hot monkey love, for the brain and wit that tickles me in places that I cant and dare not even attempt to reach without a pointy stick,a dim lit room,a copy of Black Sabbaths 1st album and an issue of Hustler…it was 3 hours of total bliss.Sitting beside my brother the whole time. A perfect 10 right there as far as a night out goes….

Cool huh.?

I have been bothering PC from Bloodduster again.I want to do a song with them so much.He tells me that we will make it happen and that they are coming to the states to do a grand total of 2 shows.”Be in LA” I mutter over and over being the ‘duster zealot that I am.He has already scored Van Halen Tickets.I am hot as mustard on the same idea.I need to see them play before I die.Diamond Dave? Oh fuck yeah.

I always have a dream list of shows that I wanna see out here but the album is all that matters right now and we are going as hard as we can.Because we can.

I am doing so many new things [ Like being gaffer taped up by a hot lesbian Jewess and abused…] Well yeah there’s that but I was kinda talking about the recording.I am playing guitar again. ALOT.I am running scales off a chart that Rossco wrote out for me last time we were tapped out in London and I dont know what it is but its all flowing and feeling amazing.So yeah, now I wanna be Izzy Stradlin.

Alas ,the “Easy” and “Flow” bits don’t have much to do with what I am sure is a vast reservoir of axe mauling talent thus far untapped within me.No,what it IS is the guitars that I am mauling.I have been favoring a ’74 Gibson today but my rubbery bits have been in a somewhat royal panic over the bulls-eye Zack Wilde custom [Camo,natch] that I have been shamelessly fingering for days….That was given to Mish by *gulp* Zack himself.Meldrum have toured a lot with BLS over the years and they are like siblings….Sometimes I feel like I have been catapulted into a fans wet dream,sans knickers.

I don’t think that I will ever get jaded on this stuff.Its the only thing that I think I am still a NOT jaded about to tell you the truth.Ok,ok…to whit.I was lying on the floor the other night messing around on this really sweet nylon string that seems to beg sigh and comply when ever I feed her Zepplin riffs, so ,there I am murdering,”Thank you” when I clue into Mish being on the phone.She laughs smiles and hangs up.”Phil said to say hello and welcome” she grins “That’s sweet” says moi “Who’s Phil?” .”Phil from Motorhead”  She said as she raised an eye brow as if to indicate that I should know this stuff….No shit,its a head fuck.

And then there is the live thing….Just knowing that I am gonna be in the middle of my dodgy homage to Sir Iggy Pop doing that snake hipped weird thing that I do and I am gonna turn around mid song and see Gene shining and grinning behind his monster kit makes my knees go weak.Think that there is a prett-y good chance that I am gonna freeze like a deer in the headlights and then burst into tears.

The spell check on this think is a steaming pile of crap.I guess that is my come uppance for absconding from the moorings of formal education at 14 and having the typing skills of a xanxax dependant mildly retarded monkey.For shame.

Lili Whitetiger is attempting to set me up a Myspace.I cant even get into it.Access it I mean. I tell it my email address “Fuck off clown!” it retorts. Password? same deal .In the immortal words of WC Fields,”Give up! No point in being a damn fool about it!.” So for today I have……[ Ref previous sentence.Key phrase “Retarded Monkey” thank you. ]

Its late now so I am gonna try and pass out.Full on run in-store for my fat ass in a scant few hours.

Nite.

M

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