1:37am

Men don’t make passes/ at girls who wear glasses.

-Dorothy Parker.

Well that’s just fucking GREAT isn’t it now ?

-Michele Madden.

Why am I doing this?….I am beyond fucked.I mean, I can hardly keep my peepers open.They are all sore and gummed up.Went out in some kind of fucking sympathy motion with the rest of my addled corpse.We did the shoot today and truth be told I don’t know how the fuck I held it together as long as I did. Johnny from Coffin Case gave us full run of the warehouse and was a complete gentleman to boot.

I wanna be a Coffin Case vixen when I grow up but quel sigh,I am not a Dracula biscuit which is the look du jour for them…. Although I looked like one when I was hanging about trying on all the wigs that they have hanging about there. Huge black beehive number and Gene was laughing ,calling me “Miss Winehouse ” as I started singing to my reflection all Miss Pouty Mc Eyefuck “Toooo-nite your mine completely…” Laura just smiled and shook her head….

You know,I don’t think that I opened my eyes once on the trip home I was that fucking destroyed.Gene took Laura and I out for Denny’s being the doll that he is after it was all done.There was a dude in a zildjian cap sitting across the way from us whose eyes were bugging out of his head.

The coolest thing about Gene is that he IS as cool as you think that he would be. I still remember the 1st day that we met. Me sitting on the floor up in the nose bleed section of the Metro in Sydney counting all my blessings that I was even there let alone in the opening act for the mighty SYL that night. I had no idea that that one twist of fate was going to lead me to one of the dearest friends and staunchest supporters that I have ever known.

It was so fucking great to walk back into his arms today.He has been on the road with Deathlok since I pretty much got here.That was why we totally had to get the photos done today no matter how fucked up I was.He is coming by to listen to the stuff that we have been working on while hes been out and to be quite frank if I may, I am shitting myself. And that’s not the last of the food poisoning either. That gentle reader, is fear.

I know he will dig it….*gulp*

Its such a strong and strange time for me.I will tell ya one thing for free,I had a BALL rockin out in front of Roberts camera today.It has taken me so long to get that part of me back.I mean,I knew that it was in there but there was this thing inside me that told me to pay my dues as hard and as genderless as possible.

That was for me.

So that when I got to the point that I am at now I could do what ever I wanted with my corpse,ie; rock the bejesus out of it and know that I had earned the right.That the way I looked was not what got me to the level that I am at.

Glutton for punishment huh? All those catcalls and years of abuse telling me I looked like a dude. I honed myself on it. It was the greatest training that I ever could have hoped for.

Satori once again….

It was something that I wanted and needed to do for myself and its feelin’ damn fine.

The Tattoo cover was a big start point for me and I don’t plan on stopping. An ex never should have told me that I was ugly as well.”Fat and” I believe it was?..He said that ” I was drunk at the time and so it didn’t count”….

Well,here I am, thin,In La and shooting with some of the best photographers in the world.I think that it was Cilla Black who sang it but “Who’s sorry now?”

Ah me! Revenge.Is it the Italian in me or just the cunt that I am? Who can say. Don’t panic,there wont be a test. We were all gonna go to the Rainbow tonight but I had to beg off it was all too much. I have to get my head and health back in the game as I think that I have another shoot this weekend as well.

Thank god I have the support team that I do in my megalomania and empire building. Miss Karen tempts from paradise with a new baby lap top. I am smitten.It is the chihuahua of computers and to sweeten the deal she has shown me all the Hello Kitty crapola that I can get to stick all over it. Sold to the dipshit in he Skynard tee shirt!

I have these women around me who know that I am useless at so much of this stuff [ “Whaahahah!!!! Metz! the font has fucked up on my….”] but they walk me through it again and  again.I finally got into my myspace as well that Lili Whitetiger has adorned with pix of my beloved Rollins. Bless.I may as well throw the address up before I forget .

myspace.com/michele7x

So yeah,knock yourself out.

I think that I am going blind in my right eye.It hurts so bad.That means no contacts for DAYS which means I have to wear my fucking glasses.

“Its not all bad.” I tell myself….Yeah,right…whatever…

“Try this…” I say to my squinting myopic asshole self….

Picture me in a cream silk blouse and tight fitting pencil skirt.Let your eyes drop to my killer heals and note the pearls around my neck as I come to your office door,yellow pencil behind my ear,hair up with a lone tendril that I keep pushing from my eyes.I lower my glasses a fraction as I lean, harried, hip cocked like a pistol, against the door jam, arm full of well worked heavily marked papers.

“Mr President” I sigh extravegantly “The fucking photo copier is jammed again”

That, or I am a shrink on the upper east side who charges 120 dollars an hour.I am fond of Jung, Suede boots and my french bulldog Henry. I smoke filter-less Gitaines in an ebony holder that once belonged to Josephine Baker. I enjoy indulging in rough sex on my priceless Persian rug that rolls like a red ocean acoss the floor of my library that is crammed with infinitely rare and valuable 1st editions in my 5th ave apartment .As you recline on my leather chaiselongue I take my seat behind you in the dim light shed by a jewel like Tiffany lamp ,adjust my Stern black glasses and say softly “So John…We were talking about your mother……”

Oh lord! The shit that I tell myself to feel better about having to deal with face furniture.

Got me hotter than a murder weapon though…..

Night.

M

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