Summertime and longing.

What the fuck is this?

-Pod People.

Wait,they don’t love you like I love you.

-The yeah,yeah,yeah’s. 

 I am doing my utmost damnedest not to be in a stinking foul mood.I am failing with fireworks..I am not gonna be here….

In fact, in my imagination I am hanging out with Lester Bangs at CBGB’S and flirting with Debbie Harry while Chris Stein is in the bathroom.Lester and yours truly. Man! That’s a bonafied  laff riot guaranteed.Yeah, riding outthe sweaty summer of 77 black outs in NYC. like a punk fueled stallion.We are a little bit in love.Drink cough syrup and argue all night about Lou Reed’s “Metal Machine music” and chain smoke till the dawn cracks like a fire egg over our bursting speed addled heads……

Nah,I am on the Deck of my shack on the Me-kong delta looking out past my Vietnamese issue palm trees onto the million mile ocean clad in my tiger-skin bikini,my Ak-47 and an Errol Flynn smile,No action on the perimeter but I note that one of the trip wires has been detonated.A dud? I radio for back up and wave to the Huey as it makes its way back to the DMZ……

Or?

I am front row as Bloodduster who, after years of dwelling in the fringe are catapulted onto the main stage at Ozzfest,They dedicate ‘DFF’ to me and I cry like a bitch…….

I would settle for anything right now.Its raining a refuge of assorted retarded animals out there and I am eating salt and vinegar rice cakes which have caused my mouth to pucker up like a cats asshole.The fat heifer who sat behind me on the train today smelt like 3 day old roadkill and I would drown a bag full of kittens in front of a class of 1st graders for a licence to kill and Brad Pitts abbs in Fight club.

That all said ,bogged in the mire of the midweek blues ,I did have a stinky sexy brilliant week end.I got to see Chris Haskett play some really cool slide blues  songs about pets and hear him call my Big Brother “The Man”by way of introducing him to the stage. 

Blackie thought that he played like crap but as he sang songs that make you feel like you are in the John Hughes bit in the movie of your life and are just about to  get the kiss that you have been waiting forever for or get dumped or even worse, get the kiss and then get dumped, Evan Rox and I sighed  simultaneously and swooned.

He’s fucking brilliant.

Then we hoofed it to the Landsdown for the AC/DC launch.Complete with cover-band.Me in the worlds flimsiest excuse for a skirt and knee sox.It was ace.I told Blackie that I would flash my rack if they got the breakdown at the end of “Whole lotta Rosie” right but they didn’t do it and so the pub was denied the majesty of my cans.

I have been writing heaps of new songs that I am hopefully gonna sing when I play in a few weeks time.Back to my stinky nylon string roots! Weeeeee!!!!

And back to another installment of “Michele bangs on about Sex”

I think that I need a fuck or a fight.Or maybe I could have a fight with —— and its is so good right,that we end up just doin it on the floor. ( Oh brother) I have not had a good carpet burn for ages.I would say that maybe I need a hobby but I have plenty of those so yep,its a root that I am lacking.I will just end up going and getting more tattoos in lieu of.

Well,I was gonna get more Tattoos any way but,you know…..

I am happy to be home but I feel that something is amiss.A bit spooked.At least I have a road-trip to look forward to.Something new, even if it is just for a few days.Its still pissing down out there.This is my summer??? This is what I fucking get???

I want sweat and incense!I want,nay! Demand 100 year old blues filtered though a broken gin steeped heart and a emphysemics lung ,direct from the cross roads.I desire a devil wind blowing through the gold,purple and green beads from my beloved New Orleans hung over a nail by my silver 7 branded door.Heels on dark roads clicking like dice in a skeletons hand.Gimme danger and leather hipsters and secret love affairs ,Gimme Dante and Beatrice and 10 large in unmarked bills…….

I want a bacchanal.To be panting and somewhat out of sorts with my knickers in a twist.(“Miz Skarlett! Miz Skarlett!!!) Well,that would be if I had any on at the time.Hark! I think that the deluge had ceased. I will swim out to my room in a moment.

I cant wait till Metz the Diminished gets home.She is ordering me my full head synthetic haired Chewbacca mask.See? That’s the kind of shit that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.She’s communing with nature some where in Buttfuck Utah at present.Gold tops have been ingested.Spells have be cast and I was informed via text message that Fleetwood mac had been reverently played at the pub at the end of the universe in my absent honor.Bless.

I am gonna keep rambling as Lilli whitetiger moved a lounge chair to the computer area which is where I find my fat ass typing this in relative comfort for a change.Ner.

I have decided to throw a big party.I want to see the people That I love and who love me in return all in my back yard getting pisssed on cheap plonk to Led Zepplin under Jasmine and fairy lights.I want to tell them all what they mean to me before life tears me away again.I would give anything to see Mish and Skoota walk through my back gate that day let me tell you.That’s it really isn’t it? Let people know while you still have the chance to do so.

So yeah.My yard is gonna look like Marrakesh and I am gonna look like a heavily tattooed Stevie Nicks and my birthday will be celebrated at last.

The underwire in my bra is trying to stab me to death.The front of my AC/DC tee shirt looks like it has dandruff (See:Rice cakes) My ass is fat ,the surf is flat and no one calls ya baby when ya need it the most.

I’m gonna go and knock the top off it in the shower and then go to bed.

M

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