When I heard about Charles Bronson I knew there was a bitch wind blowing……..

To early to be late,September 3rd 2003.

Some shitty net cafe…….. Sometimes,no matter if you think that it is you writing the fairy tale or not,the bad guys win.You just dont hear about it,and nothing much changes except for those that are left behind……for them?The poison gift given by a leaving hand…. that nothing is,or will ever be the same again and the lack of what came before?

Totally endless…… What do you do when it is really all too tiring and you discover that the dark was never out there but in you all along,that you carried it like a rotten bouquet down a glass strewn isle at the end of which was the only truth you had ever known?The one that you had run from from the day you were born?Let Me tell you what you would you would do…

Relived,Greiving for us,the ones who would play Wendy to your Peter Pan left behind… forever in your choppy big hearted rock and roll wake ’cause thats just the kinda dude you are and that we all love, You, soles bleeding and eyes leaking mercury tears….. you would lift her rotting veil,see yourself in her kind eyes,sigh with the weight lifted and kiss your self good bye. You gave it away to all that were ever blessed enough to know you…You shit.

Im telling you,where ever you are out there tonite.You didnt just touch people,you Nalpalmed us!..Man,If I still drank I would hit the beach with a bottle of Mother Russias finest and drink myself to a blind- drunk standstill toasting your life as the sun rose over Bondi….I am seeing you in the lane way now,The last time.

Remember?..We were all so high on the show that none of us wanted to leave.Did you know then? It was gonna be the last time? Flinders st alley in the middle of winter,You making Me,the whole band feel like we could kick a hole in the sky and that you were gonna be there to see it all come true…

You were leaving us then weren’t you? I am SO pissed at you!!! There is no good bye big enough.You told me the 1st nite we met that I”….had to keep going,I see the dark in you,I can hear it in your music….”.I was gobsmacked! Seems that you had that effect on alot of people cowboy and I am glad I was one of them…I digress…I thought you were the cheekiest fucking lighting monkey I had ever met!!I looked into your eyes and said that “It takes one to know one!…you are gonna have to keep running too man!”

We both laughed and introduced ourselves……………….I was still sniggering in the easy shade of your friendship,patched and erratic as it was,the virgo vibe….untill I got the call today………….

The way you believed in what you believed in was both awsome and blinding to all around you. It is late and I am full of bad salt and disbelief,I dont wanna stay here and I dont wanna go home.

I dont hold with religion so I am just gonna keep singing and remember that last show in Melbourne,You and Karen right in my myopic eyeline beaming at me,giving me my only childhood friend back.Believing in my sweaty broken loud mouthed self like a demented father..there was always magic around you, you fuck!…I know that you had to go but goddamn! I wish that you could have stayed…It is all just starting to get good and now you’re not gonna get to see how it ends!

I am gonna go home and pretend to sleep,you asshole…..Miss You,Just like the Rolling Stones song…..I got the memory of an elephant.I will never forget……anything.No love was big enough in the end was it?

You will always be Gatsby via Keith Ritchards to me Ash…..Looking out to the green light shining across the bay where you believed that it would all be alright…………..

Zebra skin red lights and Rock and roll……

Go easy into the tide friend. R.I.P Ashley Cocks…. September 2003. Michele.