14/07/03
…..All I can remember at this point is comming to in the back of the van still swaddled like a rock’n’roll newborn in the layers of sweaty Black Flag t-shirt and Helmet long sleaves that I had seemingly only Rocked out in scant moments before.Who the fuck is driving!!!???Hold on lemme sit up…Mikey? Yeah!. Phew. My mouth tastes like Ive kissed the wrong end of a baby and its 100 miles to the border. Whats that?![….”take your earplugs out you tool!”] Ohhhhh!Strapping young lad! Cool! A full moon and stale farts……Tourettes are on the road. “What happens on the road stays on the road” “Close to something is somewhere near the middle of nowhere” “What the fuck are we listening to??!!”…….. Good Question! Never let the lead singer ride shot gun as there seems to be some fault in our DNA that makes us unable to listen to a CD all the way through…Lets just say that I dont even think a commune of acid casualties have clocked up that much Led Zepplin since the heady summer of 68′.[Nice one Rossco!] I think they wanted to throw me out of the van when I decided somewhere near Gunning[Fucking TOP Cafe Dave…Just tell ’em Tourettes sent ya!] that Skid Row was a good idea…um…and Europe?..Oh what ?!Like you didnt dig it!”The final countdown”went off!!! I am still trying to work out what the fuck Joey tempest was on about! Heaps of Sabbath. And I noted that Mikey sped up during “Vulgar Display of Power” That album invites speeding tickets! Ok…So we rock into Melbourne to only to foist ourselfs upon my long suffering Godmothers Jen and Kate who then proceeded to be their ever excellent selves and hose us down in the front yard,feed us a most stellar rissotto then chuck us all into bed. Ahhhhh!!! First gig day! Paper down for Michele! Enter the most Cool Big man on Campus,Ash Cocks,complete with coffee jones,hangover and fully done worksheet! Ya cant ask for more than that. Ahh, Melbourne! “Smack one day rehab the next!….” So out we venture to stick our name up on any thing that doesnt get out of the way fast enough, Meet and greets,Breakfast….soundcheck when? Ok…So I get the boys to dump me at my Fave Hotel in St Kilda,I love em’ but I am not gonna sofa surf if I dont hafta! WOOO!!!So off I sod and sticker the bejesus outta the prom and all the way down Ackland st. I feel like I should be cannonised by some religious order for not Jumping the counter at The Monarch cake shop and eating all that lay in my path…Cool! Netcafe!!Shit!…Thats a heap of mail!Cool!…Ahhhh!Skot! My sweet Sydney sickfuck! 100 points and running for The Germs Trivia!Gave you 100 ’cause even I didnt know that his mom hadta get the body shifted cause of crazy fans….Im gonna hafta make em’ harder!…Ummm..Miss Maggie,The B*,Blackie the great,My Mom telling me to cutsick!WAHHH!!!Fuck!Soundcheck!The Tote!….. As my brain is now totally broken I am gonna leave you hanging for the rest of this fable…Note to self:Do NOT attempt to blueflame at 100 miles an hour….. Ok Sickfucks,riddle me this, 1]Name Debbie Harrys 1st band… 2]The film in which Divine eats dog shit… 3]The day and year that Kiss took off their make up… 4]The movie in which Paul Newman eats 50 eggs.. I gotta sleep ,We are playing in Newcastle on Thursday…More of my shit tommorow…. Over and out. Michele.
