Promise.

 

I mean,I work hard. I train everyday. I pride myself on this.I don’t like the condition of my condition.Never have and at my advanced age I can pretty much safely say that I know that I never will. Its taken me a lifetime to get even say,3 good days out of 7 ,where I can even bare the sight of myself ,let alone like….

Tonight is one of the 3. Which is nice. I look hot,I feel good and walking to the station I have to contend with a bunch of cunt Lebs who make it their daily mission to give me a raft of shit. I usually sail on by. Every goddamn  day….

 “Usually” being the operative word here.

Now tell me,have you ever had one of those days when being the “Better man” doesn’t seem quite so appealing?

Intimidate. That is the part I am going to focus on.I walk past them a-way’s, them cat calling and laughing at me.Some are calling me a fox,the others inquiring to my cock size.

I stop.

I put a little extra swing into my hip as I turn to face them ,smiling. I think my hours of running are holding me in good stead. I am  rock steady. They are shocked. Its a good start I do believe.It sure as shit shuts them up as I walk over and stand about 3 feet in front of them.

I get comfortable as I settle back into my right hip and look at them all.Shaved apes. The ghost of teenage acne still visible on the planes of their  virulently unattractive faces.I am met with silence .I smile.A fox smile,Tight and full as the harvest moon.A look that will give deliverance.That will provide the bounty of carnage.If they are not worried, they should be.

I’ve always fancied myself as a giver.

A few relax,a few tighten. Eight of them. One of Me.

The big one is in front.The advance. The mascot.This turn of events is paining him.Poor thing.I can see him trying so hard to think of something to say.A crack to lay at the feet of the alphas that he serves. To be retrieved and re-spoken when they relate this showdown back and forth after the dust clears.Post battle.A violent jewel to place  in the crown of shit that sits atop of the crooked head of the golem that  constitutes their limited lives.

Bag is always on the left shoulder.Heavy with Promise. Promise wants out and who am I to argue? I draw her out  just as he steps forward.I throw my hair and laugh as I see the look on his face.The pack pulls back.My hand faster than a thief. Their’s are up and mine is steady as granite.

Guess they have never met a pearl gripped .45 before.

“Whoa,WOAH!!!!” moan the pack swaying and salaaming wildly. I spit my strawberry flavoured gum out and casually push my sunglasses back  on my head. I want,nay,I need them to see the emptiness in my blue eyes.I am spite-less.I am cute as a bugs ear.

I speak softly so they will have to focus and concentrate on every diamond that spills from my clever carnal lips.I address them clearly.

“I’m sorry,did you have something you wanted to say to me?”

“You fuckin’ bitch….” he starts. Their dog.

I shoot the ground a foot in front of him and raise Promise back up to his chest. The tar explodes with a dull pop.

“Excuse me? ” I giggle.” I missed that,you were saying?….”

The piss stain on his shorts is in the shape of Africa. His peanut gallery silent  is as the grave.

“Get on your knees and put your hands on your head.” I intone bored as if stifling a yawn. He is frozen.

“Do it.Do it or I will be back to blow up the house I saw you in front of before.Is that your house? Doesn’t matter…..”

He drops.Heavy as an anvil.

“Good dog!.”

I turn my eyes up to his pack for a split second.

“Now,do ANY of you have anything you want to say to me?”

The floodgates open. “We didn’t!…” “Just foolin!”  Blah,blah,blah. I yawn luxuriantly. Thought as much.

“How would you feel ” I say, locking each one of them by the eyes in turn “If some one spoke to you sister or for that matter your mother,for no reason ,like you did to me? ”

And wouldn’t you just know it? None of them say a fucking word! Surprise,suprise! I got me a clam chorus.How very quaint.

Back to monkey boy.He,I have decided,is the star of the show.

“No matter what you do” I begin ,softly,evenly,as I step towards his kneeling form dipping Promise down to  his crotch. Instinctively his hands flutter atop his head wanting to cover his mosquito cock.

“Uh-oh,Simon says hands stay on head bitch.”

He’s starting to shake now. I love my life, Elvis, fluffy bunnies……..

“No matter what you do ” I repeat “No matter what you minor trifles you achieve,you, my piss stained friend, you will always be shit. Comprende? ” I smile. He smiles back weakly.I tell him to repeat back what I have just told him. He stutters like a b-b-backfiring car. I cruelly impersonate him.He finishes and shuts his eyes.

“Hell!” I whoop “Why dontcha all SING it to me!”

Discordantly and flatly they do. No discernible tune.Why, its almost avant garde! Me ,the sun setting outside a gas station in the suburbs,The weed choked blacktop, my itchy trigger finger,my swaying chorus of 8 wanna-be gangsters who still live at home with their parents. Its beautiful ,just beautiful.

I start conducting them with Promise , my one eyed baton.I’m laughing. Its positively joyous I tell you,I’m having me a great old time.They are sneaking  sneak looks at each other. Mustering their pack power by way of secret communication. I let them have it.I clap my hand to my thigh like a redneck retard. I coo and flutter my lashes.

This is what is known as lulling the enemy into a False sense of security. Thank you Sun Tzu.

They sing it again and again,getting louder,cocky.I see them tighten,align,send signals.Getting ready to take me out.

“We are shit,we are shit” they drone, sweeter to my ear than the angels on high.

Take me out then.

Think that they have a chance.That they can.

Hee,hee,hee.

I wipe the smile from my mouth and  pump two shots in succession into his bovine head.It explodes magnificently, a pinata king hit by Mike Tyson. He falls on,what was once, his face. I hear a thin girlish scream that,I must admit, fair warms this cold heart of mine.

“Shit.” I tell them. “That is all you are and ever will be.” I point the gun at them in slow succession, squinting like a kid playing cowboy, “Pow,pow,pow” I mutter as I pretend to fire into their terrified faces one by one. The thick pool of blood is advancing  from monkey boys stump, taking cigarette butts and bull-ants out in its crimson tide.

“Don’t forget now” I say, as I stop at the final rat-faced fuck . He meets my eyes. His face wet with tears. I wink and blow him a kiss.He sobs and looks at the expensive trainers on his feet soaking up his dead friend.

“I will find you if you attempt to find me ” I sweetly sigh as I flick Promises safety on and tuck her into the waistband of my skin tight daisy dukes.Her chrome barrel pokes out the bottom.Freud would have a field day with me.Like I care.

I turn and leave without a worry in the world.

I’m gonna go get me some sushi.