November somthing [Rain?]…..late-ish.

RIP-John Peel.

I should be running towards disaster.I cant just play it safe anymore.
-Chuck Palahniuk.

The end of laughter and soft light.
-The Doors.

Comming at ‘cha from the basement of doom on Deluxes computer.I cant afford that fucking netcafe.Built for rich gamers on the highway to hell.I wrote Saint Tina a 30 page letter last night Waffling on about ‘Transending” and how,no matter how much I try I cant get around to dealing with 99% of humanity.

I attended a bithday party for a one year old today.I know,the wild uncharted plains of rockness.One of those not so cool times to be in a band.I wonder if accountants get asked to balance their hosts books after coffee?.Point being?I am not gonna sing happy fucking birthday Ok?

Mikey starts going for the killer drum sound tommrow.Ross woke me up today which I found quite astounding as he hates my room.I just kept moaning “Why?Why” while clutching My Louisville slugger.Boys upstairs watching war movies after Sue hooked us up with cable.Mike said “I can never relate to anyone in these films” while inhaling another loaf of bread.I then took my blushing leave of loungroom company thinking that they are the ONLY movies and characters that I ever fucking relate to.

“Things that Ash has called me”

Um? Duh.

This house is ratshit for loud farts,fucking or talking to yourself as their are vents everywhere due to the heating.I can hear everything….so can they.Shudder.

Still trying to get the album art up to scratch. I want a pastel orgy scene with Care bears,My little ponys ,Strawberry shortcake and Alf.As always, no one is into it.

I am having one of my “Anti metalhead” days. I know that some of you mean well but please dont send me links to chatrooms populated by zit ridden ass wipes who secretly want to be me or have the crap beaten out of them by Me.They are the music worlds version of Bush supporters and I got enough shit to deal with if y’all know what im saying.My hannuka wish? That one of them would step up to the plate with Me when I am having a bad day.Mick Jagger told me That I cant always get what I want but I just might get what I need.And I NEED that.


Today smelt like Xmas trees and bordom.They call ciggerettes “Darts” here and I figure that I should throw myself to the lions again.

From here on in I am only interested in true feeling.
-Lester bangs.

Well buddy,from here on in I am only interested in pissing off as many people as possible and lasting as long as I can.I know in my black heart that I would rather be hated.I will die by the gun and be honest with it.I cant not hate the way that I do.Its not blind….

I got bigger shapes on my hands than these uptight punk and metal purist fucktards would ever dare to throw.

Hold the grenade and toss the pin you fuckin bitches. I take risks.You hide.Generic pap dealers.

I just wander round thinking when I am not needed which is often.I will be lying in fucking bed doing much of the same now seeing that the ass has fully dropped out of the weather again.You walk half a block or in my case tonite,slide in ill equiped converse,and you can no longer feel your face.The boys are fast becomming big glove fans.We get back into the studio and really have to warm up again.

It was the most pat sad assed scene.There I was standing in the snow offering myself one last chance to get through at 4 in the morning.My air turning to fog.This is where I hate myself the most.Weak and fucking tired.For being the fool who comes back for another beating.
That is the place where I want to die.

Phone Box-0

My levels of social retardation are hitting new lows daily.Ross and I went to a friends wedding party at the Barfly a week or so ago.Matt and Tam were happy that we trecked it and Stinkhammer played.While my ever hip bassplayer ran around getting together the makings of a joint,I sat at the bar with a painfully beautiful lad attempting to engage me in some kind of banter.I couldnt meet his eyes. Any words that I may have once possesed curling and dying on my tounge like a salted slug.

Walking home over the Bow river coulda been a rock past the surface to the bed below.Ross ever steady in my despair. Totally naff really.

[“It never would have worked” she sighed “He liked The Smiths more than he liked me….”]

Living on 13th street babe.”Gonna come round at 12 wit’ some girls that are just dyin’ to MEETCHA!” Keith Richard-itis without the good smack and Anita hangin’ off My skinny arm.Wanna sail into the sunset on “The Mandrax” Wanna hang with Gram at Nellecote.Call it “Some Girls” cause “We couldnt remember all their fuckin’ names man!”Altamont and the bottom of a swimming pool…..

[recomended listening for the last paragraph.”Wild horses”]

Note to self:try not to live downstairs from a drummer.

Ash just fell down my narrow stairs with a bucket of tea and a cookie. The battery on this thing is about to spit so I am gonna go and listen to “Exile on main St.”