They are able because they think that they are able.

-Vergil

In a band with people who hate my voice.I move to Canada and the Hockey gets cancelled for the season.Its me isnt it?

-Journal entry Sept 15th.

Do Me a solid…..
Dont ask Me how I am .You will not hear what you want to hear so why bother.I never want to see the land that sired me again.The fuckers who wasted my time with their civilian ideas.The packs that they run with.The hollow tipped lies.
I want to get leaner.
I want to run myself to death.Stop padding my life with comfort,conversations that dont aid and arm Me,food,new,clean.
I want to starve dirty burned.
One day out of ten,tops,I understand myself.The whys and wherefores.
No one else does,can and nor would I expect them to.
Weakness kills.Kindness blinds.And the ones who wanna love you….OH SO UNKIND.
trust?

You have gotta be shitting me.

[Im your hero?………….thats why you hate Me .Idiot.Even I can see that]

I wish that it was confusing.

I wish that it didnt make as much sence as it does on a bad day.

Shit in one hand wish in the other and see which one fills up first right?

When attraction and beauty fade you are gonna want someone to hold your hand,because when you remember with someone else well,thats when it means somthing right?

Bullshit.

I am enjoying watching the bitter old people when I am out.The ones who sit there at the same table and dont even talk to each other.There is nothing left to say….

Not me buster.I will stay alone and bitter thank you very fucking much.I bear witness to my own bullshit and failures.I dont need a fucking side kick.

Oh man.Miss Karen wrote me and asked how to relate to the human race,how to see the good in people….I shot back asking why the hell she was asking Me of all people!!! Talk about unqualified up the yang!

Ash says that my pain hurts him.Peh! My pain brings songs to his feet like those chicks on the cover of “Distroyer” by Kiss.He is so misguided.He thinks that I am going to have a moment of clarity and forgive the ones who crossed me.Must have been the brain tumor that he had for breakfast.See where hippy pack mentality gets ya? Woodstock was 3 days.Flower power failed.

Mikey is on the phone trying to get out of here for Xmas as I type.I think that they hate me writing about them all the time.I will be sure to get my PA to file that under “Give a fuck” when she gets back from lunch shall I?

All I know is that this band would be up shit creek without my crap to wail about.They hate it and me when we are not on stage and I think that is great cause at least I know where I stand.

Veins burst in my eyes/ ears busted out like a jailbreak/ head throbbing/ I tell it /kill me you pussy faggot /Nah…./ Shit.

Back to relation-shits.

I dig what is unrequited.What takes place in my mind alone.

Make -up- break- up- shmake -up…dont you have anything better to do with your time?

The best relationships I ever had never happened.

Ross tells me that I spend to much time talking about the shit that takes place between us all on this page.I will leave the meat and potatos reporting up to his bassgod self.But I will take a leaf out of his self congratulatory book and I will give you a manafesto.Been a while hasnt it?

I figure worldwide right now that there are roughly 12 or so people who have got some kinda hold on me.I will not bander the “L” word around when it comes to corpses that are still moving.It always gets me in trouble.none the less,12 or so.Today I would give a limb not to know any of them.

I go out of my way NOT to connect.Sure I blow out at shows but no,you cant call.

It must be the way that I am wired but the whole shitck makes me ill.It has done nothing but waste my time and bring me pain.I have just written a whole fucking album about it.Oh! I may be crap at lovin’ but I am A-1 when it comes to longing…..

I know what I am good at and I know where I suck.I wanna send out a sorry to anyone who ever dated me.I told you what you were in for…tools….Heres a dollar….go call someone….I love the shit that my spies send me from chatrooms….Erm? Duh? do I look like the cake baking sit my ass at home I love Lucy type? All you bitches? You WISH that you could do what I do…same to all you dickless dudes….I am more of a man than you will ever be…an’ I got the cunt to prove it.Please dont stop.I really dig that I piss you off so bad…….

There is no practical bone in me when it comes to the day to day grind. Never let anyone tell you that you have to be with someone,that its a bad thing to end up alone.They are just pissed bitter that they ate the lie with relish.Just because you have mates or family members that are dumber than dogshite dont mean that you have to throw your chapeau into the same ring.They want you to be as locked down and dire as they are.No more no less.

Great big shining lie built to make you reproduce.

Every day I try to tell myself somthing true.Today it is that my band cant stand me.This is not a bad thing. I think,in fact ,that they go out of their way to fuck with me and you know what? Good for them.What would be a “Bad thing” is if they acted like they did like me..

No lies.Nice.

Just cause someone talks real loud dont mean that they are smarter than you.
I am surrounded by yelling twats.
I am gonna find more silence and then just up and explode.
Make sure that you have film in the camera…it will be good.

Everything is fucked.
What?
You really think that I am gonna start lying now.
SF4L.
Michele