Letter.

Michele,

This is it.You stupid fucking cow. I am honestly asking you right now,did you really think that there would ever be anything good for you? A happy ending? I hate you so much today and every day, you make me sick,huddled in your room in the middle of nowhere. I hate you.I always have.

Even the people who made you wanted you gone..You are fully aware of this.You know that this is a fact.

You are a fool. Please don’t sing anymore. I am begging you,you are dreadful and quite frankly, its embarrassing.Its painful to listen to and to watch. And while you are at it,stop writing as well.And it does not matter how much you run and train and pluck and brush you are still going to be a lanky fat disaster. Don’t you think that its time that you just gave up,I’m sorry to be so harsh but what are you trying to prove here?

Do you even know anymore?

Did you ever know in the 1st place? I cringe with embarrassment when I remember how much you tried to please the one you lost.How you wanted to be perfect for him,an equal,not to make the mistakes he had complained about in the ones that came before you. You swore that you would let him do what ever he liked. And where did that get you my girl?  Exactly.

You fucking fool.

You were so pathetic. You still are. If I could be bothered I would destroy you but your not worth the fucking effort quite frankly.I’m just going to sit here and watch you fade away. How is it that you loved him but never yourself? At least he loved himself enough to survive .I don’t know what the fuck you think you are doing. Oh so frail and sad. Boo hoo. Aw, your widdle heart is all broke up. Poor you.

Asshole.

You think anyone gives two shits? The answer is no.

So eat your clean food and over-train.Starve or binge. Or sit around staring at the walls for weeks letting all that hard work go to waste.Whatever.Go and see your fucking Dr’s and shrinks. Try and unravel all that ails you ,crying your big blue eyes out all the time.Your so fucking dull. Oh yeah! So strong avoiding being medicated. Ohhhh! A  real fucking hero. You idiot. Nothing is gonna save you. They could pump your sorry self  full of pills from now untill kingdom come and you would still have to wake up and look at that face every day.

What is the fucking point? Your sorrow is killing you.The one that you miss wasn’t even real. He has replaced you. Just like he said he would. You are nothing and mean much of the same. You don’t have any band to play in.Your solo stuff sucks. All your supposed friends are sick of your behaviour and have rightfully deserted you.

And you watch it all fade away.

You know that there was nothing you could do to make him believe in you.He was wrong about you but that and 50 cents will get you a phone call. I really wish that you had more guts than this,that you would just finish.Big tough you.What a fucking joke! That you would end. It’s the loss isn’t it? That you had your hearts desire and now its gone.Its the lack that is the cancer that eats away at you day after day. All you do is write the same things over and over again.

And for what?

No one is out there dipshit. You were in a  band million years ago that never made it,you are not going to make it now. The end. And what did you think was going to happen? You just a small town loser. Remember all the things he called you that were not true, that broke your stupid little heart? All the things he accused you of….

You were faithful then and you still are while he is out there living a great life. Just like you wanted for him.

You are faithful to a ghost.

God, Just die.

It makes me sick looking at you,shrouded in misery. And sad. I can see that you never loved anyone as much as you love him in your life.And there you sit hour after hour re-reading poison letters.You read them.You are hated. Give up.Throwing up your stupid vegetarian food into the green bucket by your bed.Lighting incense to get rid of the smell of bile.You are fucking pathetic.

Why do you keep hurting yourself? You are unfixable and unworthy of saving. Its all lip service ,its all bullshit. No one fucking cares. Fuck you and fuck this site and your delusions of being a writer. Your not a fucking writer. You are a failure with an 8th grade education. If you can try to make peace with this your decline will be a little easier.Just shut the fuck up.

Give up.

Your best years and one love you ever had are behind you. Its fucking done. You make me sick.

The sun is coming up and I am wasting my time writing to you. You fucking Rollins wanna be.You fucking wish! You are pathetic. A novelty act past its used by date. Its all gone .All your supposed mates in LA?  Gone. Your friends here ?  What did you think was going to happen? That they would be loyal to a never -was like you? Yeah right. Sure.

You trying to do shows.What a joke.Have you no shame? You are dreadful and its embarrassing to watch. Your never gonna be as good as the ones you worked with and its like watching a bad comedian tank,a car crash. Its gross. People put you on bills out of pity,you do know that right?

You are such an embarrassment.

For all I know you will wake up tomorrow,make your bed,run,do all the things you think will save your little life.Stick to your tight little loner routine,try not to scream when you recall how amazing it was at the start and what you lost….but remember,I am here and I am watching.

Remember this……

No matter how thin you get,how many miles you run,how many hours you get through without crying,how many weeks you spend in therapy,all your crappy little victories…. Remember that I am watching and that I know you are and will never be great.That it was a fluke. Anything in your life that was good? A fluke. And that good things only ever happened to you so you would feel the loss even harder when they were taken away.

I hate you.I despise you.And I am watching.

Keep trying.I like seeing you trying to believe in hope and happy endings.Its the best laugh I get all day.You ugly excuse of a woman. Its a shame that you have so many dead friends that were so great. Shame that they died and not you.Just goes to show that God really does not know what he is doing.

Keep failing.Your good at it. Its good to know that you are good at something. I have no pity for you whats-so-ever.

I hate you.

I despise you.

And I am watching.

I hate you Michele.

I despise you.

And I am watching.

Sweet dreams asshole.

Love, Me.

xxxxx