When I die,bury Me on My stomach and let the world kiss my ass.

-LL Cool J.

-I need a saga…whats the saga?.

Blah,blah,blah…….If I keep up like this I am gonna shave my head,buy a black hoodie and a new wallet chain, cry in public so people with think that I am sensitive and start a fucking emo band with some spaced out name with too many words in it.[“And by the blood on the trail of tears she died” ect…whatever.]

I will snap out of it.I HATE this time of year.I am so totally sure that I am the result of a drunk New years eve fuck. I bet she didnt even come.Another year closer to death.Great.Woo.

Haunted and hunted.

I sank like Ophilia in chlorine and piss at the pool last night.My hair like seaweed drowning me….Lasted about a half hour in the Jacuzzi.Would have been longer ‘cept all these old dudes were blathering on and I was trying to re-read “Hearts of darkness” by J.Conrad.
Books tend to wilt in the steamroom, clock that one up to experence.
I walk home, the night air slapping me silly.Stuck in my rotten brain….
I think about everything that is poison
I think untill I cant see.
I never seem to resolve, to let go.
At least my memories know my name and what I drink.
There is perfection there.
The kind that is unachivable here.
3 blocks home and I think…

No more salt for you.For what you did and caused.No more salt wasted for how I felt.Memories of you writhing like maggots in my chest cavity.Leaving bones white and clean.Free of your red tipped sinning harm.I will be a mobile cathedral.A wanton saint devoted to the loss of you.
Touch my scars and see.
The sweat that heals.
Heres a wooden nickle……

Ross told me that he would not love me after I get all my back and arms tattooed.


As all readers of this endless pap know,I always need a coffee shop to camp at and volia! I have found one.Corrine and Ashley at Blends are so cool.I mooch in looking all drained and suspect after yet another killer work out and like magic there is everything I want.I dont even have to order.


The locals are trying to put the fear of god into me about the inpending winter.Ner,ner,ner! I called Gooch and if it all gets to much I am heading for Tucson with my frozen tail wedged between my legs.

The weather is also endevoring to drown my most beloved city in the world before I have had a chance to buy a fucking house there.Any of my New Orleans crew reading this? Get the hell outta dodge! Please!

Got an email from my big brother who told me that The Pod People show was one of the best he has ever seen…..sigh……Fuck y’all who got to go! Green with envy.Go and Checkout Nunchuckka Superfly at the Exclisor.I think that they are playing every Wednesday.

Been in a weird mood for the last few days.trying to get back inside myself without damaging anyone around me.Never an easy task.I lay in my bunk last nite blinking into the dark till about 2 in the morning.Not even a hearty dose of Sam Elliot could calm me down.Mikey rolled in round then and then Ash at 4 somthing.

On the bright side its not as if we are all gonna go crazy because we already are.

Most of what I am writing and thinking at the moment is pretty bleak.That dont mean that I am fucked up.Just in my natural state I guess.If I am ever really happy? That is when you should worry.And call a priest….

Its amazing the things that you let consume you.They just spring out of your locked chambers at the most itchy and unwelcome times.

Here I am on the other side of the planet.Stupid with obscure longing.Dirty and Flawed.And then there is you as I see you.You, in an easy time.Caught in a blameless place in some far away past.You…ago.

Clean and fluent in perfection.


Try as I may to hate you ,you motherfucker….

I make myself sick.I would not know me.Nor want to.I could lie and fake some kind of modesty and say “Im Ok” then do one of those sick smiles.Not my style and I am pretty much as far from ok as you can get.

Save your lies babe.

I am outta here.

[ did you notice? was there a lack….?]

I want to be greater than the sum of everything that ever fucked with me.

I will die trying.

So much of me wants to tell you exactly what I think of you.What you mean to me.All the details and sleepless nights.I got this fucked logic thing going on that tells me that if I did then it would be your issue.A passing of the buck.Your problem instead of mine.

And then maybe I could move on.You would not always be there.

You really have no idea ,do you?

I think that the relief would be tangible.

I also know that I have made a big enough fool of myself and that I will keep my mouth shut.

You are perfect and I see you in the weirdest places…..

I hang out in the park across the way.Hang upside down on the monkey bars forever plugged into my discman.Feel like an 8 year old trapped in the wrong body.Free clothes thanks to the spoilt kids who play football in the park and leave their shit behind.Hell! I am shameless I will take what I can get where I can get it.

The hockey was a blinder and Canada won.Natch.3-2.

Ash is banging away down in the basement till all hours.Such a strange pointy headed little man….he is on a real jag and I know that will bode well for me once we get back from this next run of dates.He wont let Me hear anything yet and I totally respect that.


So yeah…..I got this Nikki Sixx action going on with heaps of new silver adorning my wrists.Sweet.

The B* is still in LA as far as I can work out.I cant wait To get down To California again [hmmm,shades of Zepplin yet again…] Heres hoping for Xmas cause by then I would have had sub zero temps up the fucking wazoo.

Thanks for all the mail and dirt from home.
I thought that I was having a stroke and then I realized that y’all made me smile.