There is a part of me that tells myself that I shouldn’t be writing so late ( or is that early?) It’s somewhere around five in the am and seeing that I only have myself to answer to and it’s not as if sleep comes easy anyway,well,what the hell.Live a little!


It’s cold here now. Really cold.As I lie here typing this self indulgent dreck it looks like I am exhaling great drafts of smoke.I am all rugged up under the covers but with a cold face and hands. I can’t be fucked changing my habits and sleeping in the house.Why bother? It’s gonna be summer again in about five months anyway right?

Oh my sides.

Yet another punishing workout.I have to smile. All the dudes at the gym ponce about in tiny hesher tank tops and short shorts checking each other out and I am covered,literally,from head to toe in my gnarliest old sweats.A burka of sorts.Blessedly invisible.Four days of brutal sprints and foul distance running coming my way to cut as much fat as possible before we shoot on Sunday.Then comes the seven hundred layers of fake tan.The nails,hair….it’s a strange kind of beauty these days for me. The art of artifice. There are four girls in the clip.I am the Victoria’s Secret angel gone wrong girl so its kind of cool high glamour.

But not.

Ah, but planet rock is so very small. Allow me to illustrate. Jeremy is directing this magnum opus.Jeremy first met me when my old band was opening for Strapping Young Lad in 2003 I think is was,He was assisting  SYL  drummer Gene Hoglan who cherry picked me to join Meldrum about a million years later,Devin Townsend did a stint in and English band called The Wild-hearts whose lead singer was Ginger who got booted out and went it alone,Ginger, being whom this film clip is being made for on Sunday. Solo album and such.

Spooky non?

I will look good.That’s the job and the point but it’s for shit now.All on the outside. I hit my peak when I was loved.I was a constant fresh fucked bonafide knockout.There are picture’s,there is proof. All it is now is putty over the cracks. That’s where I got to thinking about soul. My esteemed and dear friend Miss Bliss informed me the other night that one has more that one soul mate while I was busily inhaling yet another boring as bat-shit salad.

“Egad!”  thought our shell shocked heroine “Can it be so?”

Sadly the answer is no.

Not for me.I have only got one soul.

Or should that be “Had” one soul ?

I didn’t tell her that of course. She was trying to cheer me up.Lemons into lemonade and so forth.

Too cold,fingertips are now numb.Much like heart,brain,aforementioned missing soul,genitalia and life.