Nerves.

Can’t sleep and I am done trying.

Well,that is until I try again.This is not looking good.

Its gonna have to be a red-bull kind of day.My heart is doing a foxy mambo (…Aaaaaa-nd,one,two,cha-cha-cha!) and believe me when I tell you, I don’t feel too crash hot right now.The bastard hamster of panic is running the minute mile on my ribcage..I should have passed out hours ago and as it stands I am getting picked up in a few hours for what will be a brutal day of shooting and I am meant to be ready to rumble.

But my brain won’t let me be. Went to the movies tonight with my brother.That was cool. Got into bed when I got home and have been lying in the dark having a conniption fit ever since. I think its when I know that I have got to do something my brain strips a gear and lands me in this shit in between grey area where all my insecurities rise like curdled cream. I should try and sleep right?

Right????

FUCK!

I hate this !!! Every time. I am thinking that I am not thin enough,not camera ready, that I am fooling myself. I remember the shit that was said to me,the undermining that took place that made me feel that I was not up to scratch.It still fucking hurts.It’s no fucking wonder I am cutting myself off from the world and any kind of relationships. I am such damaged goods now it’s beyond a joke. Its fucking sick.All hail the human punch line.

I don’t know how the hell I am going to get through this clip on no sleep.I have to do it.Bottom line.

It’s ten past five in the morning. My alarm is set for seven.

Doomed.