18/01/04

“They’ll talk to ya and talk to ya and talk to ya about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it’s gonna scare ’em.”
Hopper/Fonda.
Easy Rider.

Sitting in a big room by myself.So late that it is early.So,Nothing new there..I got a new Cd from Ash and my voice is driving me crazy…I want it to sound like it is clotting in my windpipe.I want it to sound sick and dying.I want to take up smoking again.I also want to run away from home at the moment but due to the fact that I am broke and would have to take myself with me I think that I better stay put.

…mmm…mmmm…MMMM!!!

I am NEVER disapointed when it comes to people fucking me over and letting me down. But on the filpside you Sikfuks never fail to amaze me so I guess that it all evens out in the end….

Strange to say but jaded ranks are closing and I am shaking hands with hatred once again.I have decided that I dig the things that show the truth.The emotional litmus tests.Unlike The Who I DID get fooled again.The burn on my cheek? Ahhh! The scar of the judas kiss.Fetching non? ,p>Do grudges have a used by date.?. Nah,I didnt think so…..

At my worst and lowest? I keep going for two polar reasons. For the Sikfuks and the love of the game and because I am so hated. Heh! Pft! Like that is anything new to Me? Like that is gonna ever stop Me? You have GOT to be joking!

Only a few more days to go till the BDO…I get waves of “FARKKKK!!!!!” breaking on my barren shores at pretty regular intervals at the moment.It is breathtaking. I am not even gonna attempt to be cool about this cause it would be bullshit. I wanna get out there more that I think I have ever wanted anything in my life. I am over ready and underprepared…or maybe that is the other way around?. Cant say anymore.

It is bend over and kiss your ass goodbye time! WOOOO-WEEEEEEEE!

Song? “Freefalling” Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers.

I am gonna get to watch Metallica by the side of the stage..ARGHHHHHH!!!….sob!….It is moments like this that make up for all the endless 3am’s and the self abuse and internal slave driving that never stops. The times that you wish you could bottle…..and some how you do…..

Had the best show last Wed nite at the very sweaty Surry hills Excelisor supporting The Hard ons.I have a line of mottled purple bruises across my shins from slamming into the stage.No aircon and the greatest Australian punk band of all time mixed with 180 people in the middle of summer made for one very fucking happy me! I got to tell my oft trotted out finger fucking fable and lashings of thanks to Blackie ,Ray and Pete. I know that I harp on but just imagine being able to hang out,work with and be friends with people who changed the path that your life took…you with me here?…..That is where I am at.

Lucky….. with a hellhound on my trail…….

Gotta say thanx for all the mail. It is so cool to me that you can all fire off and tell me what is happening.I dig that the communication dosnt stop once the gig is over and that so many of you are such a creative force in and around the band.I was lucky enough to be sent a preview of the Sikfuk site and it blew me away! Putting faces to names after so long and the way that Miss Shelia has set it up…Damn! I have been told that it is gonna be up real soon so keep an eye out. I am lucky enough to be a fan of our fans.SF4L.You better fuckin’ Believe it.

Rossco spent an obscene ammount of hours in the yard of Chez Rock with Quiggs and Ash over the last 2 days.To whit….
1] 300 Black Tourettes “Sikfuk” tee-shirts.
2] 250 pole posters
3] 350 stickers
4] 300 “Sikfuk” bags.

What did I do?
I stayed in bed wracked with fleeting guilt.Then I fell asleep.Here is the deal…you are only able to sell one item at the BDO.Why not make it a show bag! T shirt,Stickers,Poster,Cd….. No shit! Hes an “ideas” man is our Rossco! I am gonna be flinging a few into the pit and My aim is shocking so beware!

Had a top time playing Detour to hell again.Awsome to catch up with the Brisvegas crew again.Thanx for the fireworks! See ya in March.

Our bass god is doing a runner to the hills of Spain and welcoming arms for a month after the BDO so be sure to give him any messages that you want given to Posh and Becks [snort!].Delux is the captain of The SS Tourettes and he has plotted a true and excellent journey thus far but you can only put up with being in a band with me for one and doing fucking everything for 2 years straight without needing help or a break. Me? Hell I am only the Lt! Delux is the big man on rock and roll campus!

Stay safe tiger and we will see ya in March.

Ash is gonna do a runner to Perth for a few weeks to drive his olds batshit.Quiggs is gonna be doin’ his jazz thing with effortless cool.

Me?……..

I am gonna be a grumpy cunt and write more songs for Ash to reject when he gets home which makes me angrier and write even more songs. Belive Me.I have got PLENTY of ammo at the moment.When I second guess myself and go to edit and yes,that DOES happen, not often but enough to piss me off,I think of a line that I wrote on the wall at The Ranch next to the porthole [I shit you not!] in my office. It reminds me of the obligation that I have to myself to cut in as deep as I can.

“Art is meant to disturb.Science reasures.” Georges Braque,pensees sur l’art.

I failed science with flying colors.[ Mr Mc Dennis? 7th grade? You are a stone cold asshole! Blow me!]

The sun is comming up so could you excuse me for a moment while I make a cup of tea ?Ta! The coolest drummer in the world [ TM ] is up and will be needing coffee as well..grumble…grumble…..

I have been a blight on everyone that knows me even MORE so than usual [if you can belive that!] over the last few weeks. I just wonder why all the cunts that I hate are still walking around clogging up the dermis of Mama earth and the good guys are six feet under when they should be here to see me piss off all the sad metal heads who cant handle the devistatingly suave mix of a bad attitude,armpit hair, 4 octaves and a cunt.All in a Tattooed 6’3 whitetrash package! [Some peoples kids huh?]

It hits me the hardest when I get to the points that I have set for myself for years.Like now I guess,I miss the good guys and smirk at the memory of all the human speed humps that I had to get over to get this far.Ash Cocks is the one who is really at the front of the line for me tonite. Miss karen is gonna be on hand and that sets a calm in me that is needed right now.

Most of the people I dig the most are dead.Saves you alot of money at Xmas but makes for shitty dinner parties.

I must say that I am a card carrying fan of things working out just the way that you knew they would. Most of my relations and I use that word lightly [as I am sure many of you do] would not have pissed on me had I been burning.But here they COME! Ok,ok….. so it is somewhat akin to shooting heavily opiated retarded fish in a barrel…but!….I waited so long!

Its not just family.It is amazing [ You gotta take my work for it if it has not happened to you yet…dont worry…it will!] the people who decide to remember your name when you start hitting the mark for the 1st time in your life.Oh Man! You wont belive your fuckin’ eyes!The ones who tittered as you walked away making your ears burn and your heart sease.The ones that you wanted so badly to share yourself with,to be friends with,The ones that never returned your calls and ignored you in public,made you feel like that 13 year old ugly kid who never quite hit the mark all over again….

Thanks for the call…um…ermm??

The guns that you stuck to Oh mighty sikfuks? Fire at will.Let em have it.

Petty? SUE ME! Like you wouldnt? Gimme a Break! You and Ghandi! Shallow? Hmmm…Maybe? But I am feeling my feelings and I am being honest with it….

Maybe if you get burned enough you become fire proof. Who can say?

No one is talking to me cause I wont lie. I built my own tribe.It has one lifetime member.Me. Why hang with people who only see you as a whipping boy and target. The way I see it is that family are just people who have known you for longer than anyone else. This time,as always,I have gone too far.I would be lying if I said that I gave a shit and/or asked for forgiveness.They only way to never get lied to again is to never belive anyone in the 1st place.

Some of my Xmas list came true! Nah…didnt get the car worst luck! Booked in for more ink! [Mr Adam! Hurry up and get back here!] Which is always a good start to the year. Still waiting on the head of Alfredo Garcia…just trying to remember what else I asked for..YEAH!!..I saw———- again! and that was the thing that I wanted and needed more than anything! A little bit of truth…fleeting but cool…

Thanks to all that are comming from all over the place for the BDO.See ya at Bar Ace on thursday.

Thanx also,before I jet,to Craig Hickey for giving us “Ep Of the year”.And to the readers of “Fiend” Mag for voting me Aust Female artist of the year.I have never even won a meat tray so I am beyond stoked! Later.
SF4L.
Michele.

“Why humanity gives Me the shits”

What kind of a way is that to start a New year hmmmmm? Well seeing that I seem to see in every one of them with the same thought, darting like a coke fulled goldfish in the un-cleaned bowl that is my mind I guess that it is a legit one.Or Way, or whatever….

I was touched by Rosscos drug takers remorse in Uprooted. He is sooo sweet.Gets all torn up every time he get loaded. Quite frankly I dont give a shit about anyone taking drugs.Do what ya gotta do just dont get in my fucking way.

4am at The Four seasons with Destruction. [The hotel not Frankie Vallis band…] Fat chicks in glowmesh tops sunburned to the color of pork and office dwelling civillans asking me if I knew where to score…Ryan and I talking massive ammounts of crap and laughing like drains..Hutch ever the gentleman of sonics and goodtimes..Brody and Josh fit sooo good…and deli trays…I was right..He got the tattoo….

Rock and roll eh?

I dunno why I am writing today as my mood is below the blues and has now hit what Holly Golightly would call “The mean reds”. I can live with that. I find anger to be more productive than most emotions excpt when I turn it in on myself which ,By the way,I have won medals for. Ash is at me to go and record.The band never seem to belive Me when I tell them that I have got nothing left in Me some days.I envy them and people in general somtimes…They get to break down and stay down and people buy them fruit and shit and listen to them…What the HELL am I talking about!!@!#!1?

You are only worth what you can provide I belive this to be true cause I sure as fuck would not hang out with Me.

People lie and lie….I get told by all and sundry to “Edit” myself which as far as I can see is a lie.People place sooo much onto the truth…And then dodge it every chance that they get.

I think that the one goal I set for myself at the beginning of every year is to get and remain as fearless as possible. If I even began to consider other people and what they think about me at this point ? I would be dead in the water.

-You dont know who is reading… -Why do you have to tell everyone?… -Some things are best left unspoken…..

COWARDS…I am surrounded by fucking cowards…What do I have to loose that I have not already lost?.I love all these motherfuckers with their rocks poised…LOVE IT. Look around yourself right now and show me one person who does not live in a glass house…JUST ONE.Keep throwing you sad fucks…I never rebuit..I am set to roam….

So I guess tonite that I am gonna avoid picking up the phone and head for some shiity all nite cafe with a copy of “Heartattack and vine” and try and write.I am looking foward to playing the Detour Bar tommrow night where Ceasar and his crew always make Me feel like royalty.Gonna be good to catch the Bris-vegas crew as well.Great! I got a killer nite ahead with my anti-social meter hitting the red. Always the way…

Shit! Its Thursday! Im getting Tattooed again.

“He knew that those on his side were not.That they would fall away as the pressure increased. That he had wasted too much time on folly. The damage that he inflicted on himself for such stupidity was breathtaking and he found himself in the dark.The solice that he gave himself laughing and blood soaked in the forever 3am, was that he did it better than they ever did.Faces and names carved on this heart,seared onto his mind.He had,in spades, what the Judas breed did not.He had all the time in the world.”

Damned if you do.Damned if you dont.

For all that I have? I am greatful and I will fight to the death to keep it.This is not all mine.All you sikfuks are neckdeep as well….Every day I get word from all over the world that we are infecting the airwaves slowly and steady.Ya’ll write me and tell me what you are up to,How you are getting the word and the name out there……

I am as serious as fucking cancer and I wont stop.
See ya in the pit.
SF4L.
Michele.

My rotten heart is trying to punch a hole in my ribcage.

Sydney is in heat and I am blind with circles and hours. I stood at the station while they wept on the train and I waved untill my hand was a cartoon blur and I loved it once and once was not enough to save anything.Not really.Not if you want to look at it that way.

Freedom from emotional blackmail.Untouchable tonight.

Let us charge our glasses to all that is unfinshed within us.To all that we never quite reach.I fear that if the challage of My glaring inperfections was taken from me I would Keel over dead.There would be nothing left to strive for you see…..

I got a month and 2 days to hit the stage running.I am watching ALOT of boxing videos and overtraining.Blackie is gonna be home any second.Nanda flies in in 48hours.

I am feeing a bit too hyper to be sitting here so I am gonna go for a run.

I got soooo much to tell ya’ll but……Later.

SF4L.
Michele.

I master in the art of tripwire.

I am a God of sabotage.I lay them lovingly, years in advance and then spiral into paranoia of remembering to remember where they all are.I am good but NO one is that good….I open a book and out falls a photo of “Ago” when I had the option of being somebodys someone.Friends and lovers long gone and faded.It hits me like a one inch punch.After I get My breath back, I congratulate myself on the best laid plans and 110 % success rate.I trip them when I am weak.My lazy feet find them when I am alone.When I stray off the path I detonate and shatter myself back to the truth.

Not a breeder,not a pack animal and not in the habit of giving a shit.

No extra ciricular corpse is ever gonna make anything better or easier for me.It is nothing but a band-aid on a bullet wound.

My failures keep me true more than any of my triumphs could ever hope to.

People complicate themselves with other people.Spiral into drama and malignant fucking.Blues and bullshit.It was always under glass for me.I fail myself everytime I get my hands dirty.When I get human.When I am aware in my darkness that I am letting myself do it…

No one is gonna save you.

The way I see it? If no one has the balls to say anything to my face well,then I guess that no one will have the balls to stand in my way.

I think that you can be betrayed so many times that when it dosnt happen you are so shocked that you run on regardless.I used to sign off letters to a friend “The headshy vigilante”. I have a new justice that suits me down to the ground.All are guilty untill proven otherwise.There are not enough hours in the day to convince me that I should cut any sucker an even break. I dont expect anyone to do it for me…..and if they did? I would decline.

You will pay.

Nothing ever comes for free and when it comes down to it I dont have the Mastercard of mass disrespect that passes for payment in their bullshit low rent reindeer games.

Every body wants somthing even when they say that they dont.You are made to pay over and over so you would want to ask yourself if it is really worth it .Can you afford it? I have known that it is not and that I couldnt and yet gone on regardless for the fevered contact high of the moment.What ? Did you think that I was gonna come on infalible? I tear myself apart. Never ask Me why I dont sleep….

I wonder now what I was thinking would happen when I went to Metal for the brain…I had a good time and as always think that I could have done better up there. Caught up with alot of people that I had only ever seen on stage and got to thank them.The Roadburn crew. My old pick up buddies.No questions and you re-tie the thread that could have been cut the week before or a decade ago…summer time and sonics for a good cause..A fine way to spend a day…

The crowd around me happy and high,Forte on stage.. George gurning and playing for his life.Dion drumming his ass off .And there I am ……

Surrounded alone.

It didnt solve anything for me.Nor did I have a moment of clarity but the gift is that I am not looking for the epihany anymore.Thank fuck for that! The more I let go the more I get.I have very little magic in my life.I am pig headed, rude,blunt and stubborn as all fuck.But I never claimed to be anything else.It takes along time to trust your self.It is a test that I fail on a daily basis.Some days you win others you dont.The trick is to stay aware.To watch your internal weather paterns and know what to tie down when you see the thunderheads rolling on the horizon.What is worth saving.Weigh it up.Get clean under the downpour.Work with the deluge.It is always gonna be bigeer than you so get smart and stay alive.

Every day I let go. I give it away.Sometimes I fuck up and throw the wrong stuff but what are you gonna do?

People always ask “What do you want?” . Hear it all the goddamn time. I try not to think so much about what I want.I get het up and the lines blur and I think that I have pretty much always been single minded enough to know what I want.I live it everyday… but I tend to look at what I dont want. What is it that they used to say about keeping your friends close and your enemies even closer?.

Giving up can be the greatest gift.Hate to give the Catholics any credit but they may have been onto somthing with Lent…..

Look, There is a bigger chance than you are ever really gonna want to admit to on any level that you are gonna get royally screwed by your life and everthing in it. Get your rocks off at every available opportunity. Regret takes up too much space and smells like an open grave.

Freak flags are ment for flying.

SF4L.
Michele.

The Horror! The Horror!………

I am laying pretty heavy odds that a whole lotta this is gonna make sweet fuck all on the “Sense” Front. So lets just go with it shall we?

I have never seen so many metalheads at a country town airport before and it tickled me black!I dont think ONE of us got through the security check without setting it off ,Moi included. I always give em’ a crooked smile which tends to make me look like I have just escaped from The Shady acres bughouse and say “Hmmm? It must be my clit ring.”

1] I gotta stop making Buddy Holly references when we hit turbulance.

2] Oh, and pulling faces at the 2 year old pearing over the seat in front of Me, making the little turd scream even harder.

3] Too much shit to mention but rest assured that I am nailing most of the 7 deadly with an animal grace and silent ease…..Blah,blah,blah…. I will give up all my sins for Lent.

Pft!

Metal for the brain?

Oh FUCK yeah it RULED!!

I hope that they made a Zillion bucks!

Finally got to play the show that shaped the way that I looked at so much that is heavy and to all that draged their way out of bed to see us that early? Mucho thanx to you.

I gotta be the only rockpig who said “Hey” to their mother from stage.She was well chuffed!

I dunno where to start…

Well Stolkholm Syndrome! I gotta thank Nathan at this point for being a pit pal and laughing his bass- god ass off with me for most of the day.Good luck with the offspring and kiss ya beautiful wife! I saw far too many good bands are far too many cool tee-shirts that I wanted!! Leeroy got some master vid action so thanx to anyone who threw themseves at the mercy of the Tourettes lens and Leeroy.We have told him to stop asking people to get nude but if that is what you wanna do…hehhehhh…

If it is good enough for Motley crue…?…Nuff said.

I cant seem to find my bed.When I was a kid, I was sure that my toys partied on when the light was turned out.I was sure that the funiture had a rich and varied social life when my back was turned as well but I think that that is all you need to know on that….as the young lion that I am now? I am sold on the idea that my room messes itself up.Evil elves? The Mafia? The ghost of Elvis? The mind fair fucking boggles….

Ok So I am a pig.I am domestically retarted.I need a maid. Hell! Puff Daddy has got some one to wipe his ass!! Who would be-grudge me a slave..erm..a maid.I cant be alone in never quite seeing Sir Jimmy Page the same way after he worked with P diddy or whatever the fuk he is calling himself this week.See! Sell your soul to the big man downstairs and sure,write some of the greatest music of all time BUT be warned! Payback is a BITCH!

Toldya none of this was gonna make sense.

Fuck it I will rape my journal and throw it up here for you cause I am sooo tired that I am seeing 3 of everything.I am gonna crash in Nanda’s room and scratch mine up as a casulty of war.Till I can get the sappers in? It is a dead zone.

I am fully aware the Stupid, fat and lazy is no way to go through life but I will cross that bridge when I am forced over it at gunpoint.

Bury my ass at Wounded knee…
SF4L.
Michele.

Canberra.

save me!!!

I feel that this entry is a rock powered SOS flare burning its way out,spluttering, across the cruel Canberra sky.

My ass is stuck to the chair and I am panting like a pampered dashound.Breathing air that tastes like it has already filtered through at least three sets of diseased lungs before it got to me.Alternatly listening to the Obituary anthology and Charlie Parker. Setting myself the only soundtrack that could ever do this place in time any justice.Burning through batterys like wishes.Night terrors that keep me out of bed and glued to The big screen TV.. My heart pounding “Hit me daddy,three to the bar”.All and sundry are happily informing me that it will be close to 36 degrees when we hit the stage on Saturday.I hate people.I cant wait to get up there.I want to scream so hard I puke.I have been pacing these surburban streets rolling my tired eyes all week. I dunno if it was all a very good idea to tell you the truth.I have said that about this place all my life.This is the poisoned field that all my hate bloomed from.Should I get over it? Nah,I don’t think so.It has been there so long and is such a huge part of me that I think that I would miss it like a limb.Welcome home Kid.

I will not pass this way again.

Have not had a chance to catch up with Leeroy yet.hopefully tonite.I have been watching cable Tv and doing situps.I really do feel like the bad guy in a Sergio Leonne movie here.I walk anywhere and the place goes still and in my imagination I see the close ups on fists tightening and cut eyes flicking before the 1st scream and the bar stools go flying.I walked to the store the other day to pick up some photos and out of sheer boredom.Got my happy snaps and went to walk home.As I passed the TAB all the space monkeys stopped blowing their kids collage funds for 5 minutes and all did amazingly passable inpersonations of  “Cletis the slack jawed yokel” from the Simpsons..

What to do?..

I threw my head back,roared and ran at the window at 100 miles an hour.Stoped short of smashing the fucker and blew a raspberry on the window flipped the bird and sauntered onward to the family pile.

You shoulda seen their heads: priceless.

Like I said not a whole lot to do here.Oh Man! I hit the mall! The last time I saw that many women cursed by the tracksuit fairy I was in Texas.Damn! Talk about junk in the trunk! This place is a half / half between The Stepford Wives and the Deliverance. I mean I am only just on the wrong side of 25 and there are people I knew when I was a slack assed disenfranchised youth in this godforsaken burb who have got 3 kids for fuck sake! I don’t even know one end of a baby from the other! I guess that I was smoking behind the bike shed the day that they handed out the slip that you had to sign in blood and hand back to ensure that you cashed all your dreams in by the age of 21.

This place gives me fucking heartburn.

My Brother Jr is in town for the night.Good to see him again;what can I tell you; we sign everything to Saint Tina “The Good son and The Bad Seed.” That about sums it all up.He has just gone for a run while I sit here spewing all my crap out onto Whitetrash.Like Chuck Mosley would wail is a dirty job but some ones gotta do it; Saint Tinas computer is powered by a disgruntled hamster on a rusty wheel.

I cant wait to throw myself at the mercy of my band tommrow.In the carpark at the uni “Never!” She gasps “Let Me come here again!!” Fuck! Diamanda Galas does the greatest version of Screamin’ Jay Hawlkins “put a spell on you.” Gives my goose bumps goose bumps if ya know what I mean.

I was thinking a lot about the last Metal for the brain that I got to go to before my life got in the way I guess.My X-Husband had a Metal shop and we had a stall at M4TB in ’99.I ran around like a fool all day and standing on my chair watching Blooduster I swore that I would be on that stage one day.That I would get to come back to the place that damaged Me the most on my on terms and dropfire.I don’t think at this point that anyone ever gets a “break” so to speak.You just do what you do and enjoy all the small greenstick fractures.Could be that one day they all add up and that is the mythical “Break”. Hell! Whadda I know! The heat is addling my peanut brain.

The Coolest drummer in the world [ TM ] called the other night to tell Me that the jam that they had booked went swimmingly.Wish that I could have been there but at the start it is always better if I am not around. Always good to hear. The new stuff is cool. The song that I have got a real bug up my ass about is called “Small Enemy” Sets me off like I have just pissed on an electric fence.Not gonna tell ya about the 2nd one as I wanna change the name but the 3rd one is dirty and low.It is all about the Bassline. I wrote it on the back of the Deftones setlist while watching the ping- pong wars at BDO last year for the object of My ever missguided affection.It is called “Sand.”. We are jamming and playing hardcore on the lead up to The BDO.Gotta get the new babies rolling for album 3!!! Got some killer shows including one with The Hard Ons at The Surry Hills Excelisor. Coool! Tell Me Oh mighty Sikfuks!!!,Tell me what you think of the new stuff when you hear it.

Holy shit! Album 3! File THAT under “Hell yeah!â€�

I will catch you all after I recover from the weekend.
See ya in the pit!
SF4L.
Michele.

Perhaps even one’s feelings get tired when one is alone with one’s self.

– Ugo Betti- 1946.

-Lt! You ok?
-Fine.
-Its just that…umm….
-Whats on your mind boy?
-You look tired Sir.
-You got a hole in one with that Pvt.Now get back in that foxhole ,keep your head down and stop
asking stupid goddamn questions.
-Sir,Yes Sir.

[You woulda been here with me seeing this cause god only knows,you saw something in me before I managed to see it in myself…I cant see you as a grown up but then again I havent managed to see myself as one yet either….]

-Heavy ghost action on the perimeter tonight Lt….

This is an incomming that I really dont need……Stiff shit right?

I know that there would be fuck- all point in going to bed cause all I am gonna do is lie there covered in a fine sweat staring at the ceiling, turning the light on and off so many times that the roaches will start snorting amyil nitrate, wearing spandex and doing the hustle….I dont really know where to start with what is on my mind at any given point when I sit down to write this shit.It keeps me outta trouble to a warped degree.Keeps me form walking round the dirty streets scoping for potential snipers nests.All I know is that I dont think that there is much that I would not give to be able to sleep a whole night through.

Tell you who is keeping Me awake and crazy burning in my fucked up flesh? Its the ones that go and leave you behind to guard their memories.Not just talking about dying.People just fade.I am keeping company with a Shey Stadium of memories tonite.A triple live at the fucking Budokan crowd…The one gift is that they are just the way you remember them…No one gets old or sick and you can kick back on the porch in the house jerry-built in your busted up scar ridden non- denominational heart and laugh your rotten asses off.Lets just say that there is a reunion in my memory tonite .The beers are cold and the living is easy.

[I know now that you didnt want to be saved…That doesnt make me feel any better..]

3am is when your hurts hurt.I feel like I am out on the point.That I have to keep some kind of watch while the rest of the world sleeps.I shit you not..it has always been this way..What am I watching for? I dont know but I hope to hell that I know what it is when I see it.All I know is that I have been waiting on it to arrive my whole life….Fuck the “Burning it at both ends” Theory.I napalmed my candle.All over this silicon titted bitch of a city a million freaks and fuckups are doing the same watch as Me tonight….She is cruel and never returns your calls,this place. Hot and she knows it;does Sydney….Fucks you and forgets your name.You gotta be a sadist to do the roach shuffle in the harbour city darlin’ ……..

I have got half finished shit lying round all over the house.Sway like a willow in the flight path and try to leave myself alone for as long as I can every day.Silence is golden….

-If I close my eyes I dont exist, and the glory comes in never being missed….

-Mission statement-
M.Madden 03′ [New song.]

I woke myself up today calling room service asking them to come and get the lawn furniture out of the pool in my penthouse.Yes,room 413…where I was staying With Axl Rose and the fat kid from the Goonies. I know. I need help. It then turned into a sushi bar in my 5th grade classroom. I hate hearing about other peoples dreams unless I am in them so I am gonna shut up now.

I wonder why people ask for my advice.I tell them not to….I am a AWOL fuck up of the 1st degree.Everything the hardline…Ah! My New York brother…I hope to hell that you know what you are doing and I understand why you feel that you have to give it, give her a second chance. Me? You know where I stand on that….That iS why you asked right?…good luck man….

Oh yeah! Right! Like I am so tough! Just stubborn as all fuck…I break myself before anyone else even gets a look in. No one could do it as good as me anyway….

Downstairs for the 1st bucket of tea for the day and that longing for a Marlboro that I think is gonna haunt me forever. Mike behind the kit in the lounge..rolling…effortless…I smile and fall over the chair in the door way.Suave eh? Our house has a heartbeat that lulls me.I groove on living with The coolest drummer in the world [ TM ] like nothing else. Hola! But I LEARN shit too! I can now nail “Too fast for love” [really badly but what the hey!] By Motley Crue. Sweet! Oh yeah…you know the 3rd round in the chorus of “No one knows” By QOTSA? When Dave really cuts sick? Well I am now armed with the knowledge that that is called a “Swiss triplet”.When Mikey 1st told me this in the van on the way to Brisbane I was drooling! I was swept away in the stellar vision of 3 blond nympomanics in a hot tub….mmmmmmmm…….

-“Get It!!! Like, 3 chicks and…” -me
-“Yeah Mish…I get it” -Mikey.

He sighs and on we roll….
Like a newborn spat out of our kitchen into the un- friendly sun,to the backyard and the saddest attempt at clothes dyeing ever seen….quel sigh!…….

On my journey into, what I belive to be freedom from the bondage of a heap of shit clothes that I do nothing but swear at,kick into the hallway for Mikey to climb over or fall asleep under.That or in a pique of rare and bullshit sentiment,I decide that I cant chuck out cause they are sodden in memory. It is every womans DNA. We head hunt your clothes..I still have a sweater from my now frequently mentioned 1st boyfriend.[ Hey Mike!]…We cant take scalps without getting arrested so in leiu of your locks? Your jagermister t-shirt will do JUST fine….where was I?…

Ok so I rounded up a heap of almosts…you know,like… “This hoodie would ALMOST be do-able if it wasnt the color of baby shit”…I got a choke hold on my inner Tonia Toddman and dumped a shitload of black dye into my faithful off white goods and waited for the magic to happen..All my clothes all black…zen…O-ren ishi…Huh??.Ok.fuckin’ great! so now I look like an escapee of a Star trek/Matrix/Alien style prison ship.Kind of a gnarley grey action…I look like I would be in the weightlifing scene in a b- grade “dykes in the slammer” flick.I dont think that this is a totally bad thing…

Like Homer J Simpson says, if at 1st you fail? Well it was a bad idea So,I left the washing machine looking like two sqiuds had fist fucked themselves to an inky demise.Armed with this sage advise I went and buried myself on the sofa and spent the afternoon reading Dan Simmons books,listening to old soundtracks , “Monkey grip” by The Divinyls being a stand out, eating Lychees and burping gently…..The outside world? The outside world can fuck off.

At 7:30 I did a call thru interview with Keiren up in Newcastle.I am always kind of relieved when it is not live to air as I cant NOT swear…I always hope for good questions and the boys came through.I have never talked pets to deli trays before! Look foward to getting back up there in the New Year.

The Saints got hammered again.[ “The NOLA ‘aints”…sigh….] I love my team but it is a painful kinda love..feels like bad gas pains,I always wanna slap em’ round like a red-headed step child.When it gets to this point in the season all I want is to be propping up the bar at Daisy Maes in Tucson with Gooch,Gil and all the rest of the crew.Why the fuck am I writing about football??? I am missing my far flung crew thats why..It is late and it is moods like this that have me ending up with BRUTAL phone bills….I think that I was born with an Indian bone.My feet are always itching to get gone.I am never gonna belong or stop so I may as well keep going.I am cronic- sonic- bum.

The sun is gonna be up real soon….

Fuck it! You know what? I am gonna go and tango with my ghosts under busted fairylights and a full moon to the coolest juke box in the world…Kicking up dust and ciggerette butts in lazy 12 bar blue circles holding on so tight…..I am gonna laugh with my gone ones till I cry.Hold em’ in my rare sleep and be thankful that they still drop by on my onery old ass.We will charge our glasses.Here we will live forever……

– So of my stupid sincere youth
The exquisite failure uncouth
Discovers a trembling and smooth
Unstrength,against the strong
Silences of your song.
-e.e.cummings.
[ Goodnight Eamon….]

I will catch you all at the Annandale tommrow night.
One hell of a fuckin’ ride ain’t it?
My advice?
Hold on tight.
Drop fire.
Michele.

All in all I think that i am doin’ OK.So thanx to all the sikfuks who write me and ask but I think that it is wize not too think about HOW you are doin’ and just do.Some days i think if I stop I wont go again but i know that i dodnt have dibs on that feeling…

After all the songs that Me and Ash have beening going through we have finally come up with the 1st unholy trinity.The boys are gonna be nailing them while I am away at bootcamp.I still havent totally unpacked being ,in genral,bone fucking idle.So, there are notebooks that are trapped under decades worth of shit.

I am still surrounded by boxes…sigh….

I hate this time of year..HATE it.Civillans full off bullshit good cheer.I swore that I was not gonna write about this but what the hey!!Drunk slappers in santa hats falling off their high heels…spare me… Yeah…Xmas….treat each other like shit all year then for two fun [Gack!] filled shopping weeks decide to be …cough…nice. ARGHH!!!!! As always I am giving out IOU’S this year….Dont stop me from sending in MY list mind!! [ more on that later..] All cash donations welcome.

I am the mega fan of UPROOTED.Go and check out Rosscos grumpy stoned view on our world….

Ok! Time to change the subject. I am listening to “The best of the Black Crowes” and thinking about all the things I have gotta get done over this summer with “Remedy” swirling thru my addled head… [Note to self: loose weight or forever be known as “The Mamma Cass Of Metal.] Summer! Pft! If you can call it that as I am still wrapped in my usual selection of circa;93′ flannos and a bad moods. I get to thinking more than ever round this time as well,about all the shit that has gone down in the last 12 months.IF I end up flaking out and getting really lazy I will mush it all into a dis-jointed list and go back to bed.Its sunday for christs sake!Its rock and roll!! I can do what ever the hell I want!

The new house is cool as a really cool thing! [ Sorry Dev!] SO cool infact that I never leave it! I am in the midst of planning to build my inner city oaisis on top of the carport including a kiddy pool and banana lounges.I stay home doing my take on Howard Hughes.Dont leave Unless it is to fall up the street to the fruitshop to get cheap crates of San Peligrino and grapes.Where the guys call me “hot stuff” and give me mangos. Being a shut in, as you can imagine, is becomming a right strain on my hip pocket.Dont care! I just got my bond cheque back so that takes care of rent for the summer and if I have gotta live on saucy comments and pilfered produce? So be it! Wait up..just gotta change the sound track.Eyehategod-Southern Discomfort, Everytime I hear this at the moment my eyes water. Too many seasons between me and NOLA…sigh….FUCK! I am in a crap mood tonite!

On the phone to my freshly tattooed sister [ Nice one Mr Craft!] who at the moment is bored off her tits in Auckland but comming home to move into my bedroom as we save money and plan world domination like the hellcats that we are!Poor Mikey! Living with the 3 horsewomen of the apocolypse. ‘Nanda will be back from Rio in a few weeks..Then the B*…..all home again…sigh…. I am lucky to count most members of my platoon as family. Miss Karen is going to be continuing to TCB [ If you dont know what TCB stands for ,take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself “Why? Why this lack of Elvis in my shallow life…” ] She and Big Mike Vaughn have got shit cooking down south and we are lucky to have them. The Sydney team is a whole new story as the Brittstar gets into the ring to help move and shake us all the way. I will tell you more about the team as we get closer to the BDO and summer tours.

Ross is on my case to write a news letter for all those who dont like wading through the psuedo Vietnam flashback that is “Whitetrash” Not everyone is gonna call me Lt he likes to inform me.Heh! Like I could give a fuck! [“Someday this war is gonna end…”] he wants me to talk about how this year and everything in it has made me feel…At a risk of sounding totally pat, the highs are sooo high…. so you know the lows are gonna be on par with root canal and rehab.Its strange,no matter what level and point I find myself at in life I always think that it is just the beginning and that I have so much more to do. Big Val once gave me the best advice,he told me to “Aim for the moon cause falling on a star aint such a bad second prize”…I can dig it, but knowing me I would land on a star and manage to tear myself a second asshole! Nothing I do will ever be good enough which is how I always manage to drive myself into the ground.

All in all it has been a good recon year.I started the year at The BDO and The Foo Fighters with The Hard-ons,A chance and a gift that I can never repay them all for enough and what do ya know, Into the summer of 04′ the same way ! This time with my boys..HELL YEAH! Pinch Me! [mmm! Harder!] Fuck! sorry! Where was I?..Have been given great press for a pack of proud punk rock shit kickers! [ Matt R? Big Rod Y? You fucking rule….].We got out there and did it and I dont think that is gonna stop anytime soon.I am a road dog through and through.It is as close as you can get to running away with the circus.But with hotter chicks, more drugs and marginally less elephant shit .It is a rare and beautiful thing when the reality lives up to the dream…I had a ball out there this last 6 months and to all the sikfuks who came out to meet us on the feild?.I thank you.I live to play live and you enable me to do that.To all the people who gave us their demos,who wrote me,who brought enough cds and merch to keep us rolling and starving,the bands that we got to play with……fuck man! Who says that you cant write your own script! Thanx.

Anyone cruising across the Harbour bridge at 4 this morning would have got a chance to see how seriously we take our Rock and roll.Me, in the middle of the fucking freeway like a beanie wearing tosser, on a poster run with The greatest drummer in the world [TM].I was laughing my ass off.Trust me.At this level you have to! Went and saw Rossco at the Gaybar.He quit about ten seconds after we jumped back in the van to poster the fuck out of Parramatta Rd. There is only SO much you can put up with even if it IS for the rock dream.And a bunch of vacume brained bitchy fags on a Saturday nite would have done my head in Lonnnng ago…When we walked in R.Delux came over to say hi as we got a drink and I confused all the gay boys who were on the hunt and to quote D.Bowie “Not sure if your a boy or a girl”….. “Hey guys” smirked our bass playing hero “Hey Man Hows it…” I managed to get out…. “RO-SSS!!!!!!!!!’ Squeeled the prune faced fag behind the bar “FUCK OFF!!!!” roared said hero and looked fit to kill…I Love my brothers! Me and Mike rambled back to the van of doom and laid odds on the quit factor.

Soundtrack now: Lynard Skynard box set.”On the hunt”

I think that there is an art to being broke.When you get money you gotta know how to spend it.To whit…Yesterday,in a practical mood,I rounded up the last of my riches and proceded to take my drummer out for lunch at Cafe C in Newtown where we sat beside a grumpy looking fat woman with a face like a fork fucked meatball and her young daughter who must have been about 9.Mike, being the gentleman that he is, winced at every “Motherfucker” that I dropped into casual conversation as we perused the new Kerrang! and Spin magizines over strong coffee and fruit salad.I looked at fatso over the top of my glasses as I could feel her parental gamma rays burning into my dermis.I lavishiously winked at her and lewdly waggled my tounge ala Gene Simmons as she hump-hed and Mikey rolled his eyes.I smiled at the wide eyed kid and then loudly offered my oppionions on parents who allowed their kids to listen to emanem but come on hoiler than though when they hear some one swear in the flesh…

I am of the opionion that a coversation is less than its potentional worth unless some how, like a master craftsman of profainty, you manage to lovingly include a “Cunt” or two …a “Motherfucker”or a “Dufflecoat supreme” for that matter …its all about color you see…They got up and left and I went up to Faster Pussycat to catch up with Miss Maggie and the local degenarates.Tito and Tim my fave gay lovers trying on sunnies and scaring the customers while I rested on the couch chatting with Brett Booby trap.Talking food with Tito “He” said the ever suave Mr Riveira pointing at the worst Drummer in the world “Dosnt eat seafood” “Really” I replyed “I thought that all pussies ate fish…..” Tim then dumped me on my fat ass on the pavement as Miss Maggie rolled her eyes….funn-y…..More wise spending followed.Are you gonna stand there and tell me that a KISS patch is not a nessisty? That I would sleep sound without a Ramones patch and a set of ye olde school decals of swallows to stick on my guitar? I didnt bloody think so! After wishing all a cool saturday nite I did more posters on my walk home to Chez Madden.

I seem to have a permant roll of tape around my wrist…..

This Show at the Annandale is going to be MONSTER! Gonna be great to hit the stage with Ollie and the boys from Anxiety Whispers .And to hook up with New Project again.I fucking LOVE it!

I have been checking out the tourettes chat room over the last few days and I gotta say,you fuckers crack me up!It is really cool to see everyone connecting[ I sound like a fucking hippy!] Jess blew me away with the fan site that she has built and Mike V is doing a great job running the thing! Get on there and check it out for yourself.I want to say happy Birthday to Mike V as well. So good to have you on the team man! Thanx for all that you have done for us this year. Mark My words.. Mike will be running Roadrunner before we all know it! See ya at M4TB. I will be able to buy you a drink or 10 now!!!

Ahhhh Metal for the brain.Looming like the Raven…I am getting the hell outta Sin City two weeks ahead of time after rocking with Scotty at the Shine show on the 12th of Dec.[ BE THERE!!] Back to the family pile,fresh air,stoner guitar heroes and the long suffering Saint Tina,Leeroy fish boy and his lady love Miss Jo.1st time back for me in a long time…I can always hear dueling banjos as soon as I cross that border….knowing that Tina is gonna get to see us cutsik is reason enough for me to head back.Leeroy has been on the team for a long time and was out on the road with us this year.You will see him filming at M4TB and BDO so get up in that lens!She and Leeroy fish boy are the only ones who never gave up on me.And she has never seen me play….Even though she hates my tattoos with a zelot- like passion she is a pretty hip lady who took a whole bunch of shit off her family for having a kid like me.So this one is for her..For Alec..That and to hack off all my inbreed dumb assed trailer park relations that disowned me rather than attempting to understand me.Payback is a BITCH motherfuckers.I won.

Totally un-related subject-Am I the only one [ “YES!!!”] That thinks the dude from Linkin park sounds like thingo from Savage garden doing emo/new metal??.. I gotta get some sleep!

There is some HUGE news on the BDO front but you are gonna hafta head into the chat room to find out about it…Dunno if I am ment to let the kitty out of the sack just yet…..

Ross and Mike just rolled in.I think that Ross is still celebrating has dive into the shallow end of the stagnent pool of unenployment cause he is drunk off his ass and passed out in our spare room.He berated me for not finishing this earlier “Michele” he burped ” It dosnt have to be a fucking best seller!” Pft!

Soundtrack;The Doors.

Christ! I wish that I still smoked!! I am gonna run upstairs and throw on my leater pants any second![ “I AM THE LIZARD KING! YAHHH!” cue breaking of coffee table…] Oh Man! Nix that smoking line…Mike has got the lung infection of doom and it sounds like an old peoples home up there.I keep yelling at him that he has gotta spit it out but he is too polite.File THAT under “Too Much information Michele.”

-What the hell are you ment to do after sex if you dont smoke? -Me.
-Fuck more I guess. -Britt
-Why should I care. -Me.
-True…. -Britt.
-Oh! Thank YOU dude! -Me.
-Hhheeeheheeeeee……. -Britt

Fuck it! If Santa is out there this is what I want for Xmas.
1] The head of Alfredo Garcia. [ I have ALWAYS wanted to write that!]
2] Someone to pay my rent.
3] a 69′ Dodge Challenger in candy flake orange..385. Stock.
4] A spot on OZZFEST.
5] To see ……….. again in the New year.
6] Many more HUGE FUCK OFF TATTOOS!
7] Genna Jamerson…gift wrapped.

For the New Year? I want all you sikfuks to stay safe and true to yourselves.Same goes for my most stellar band and crew.Me? Hell! I am just gonna keep rockin’ and pissing off the masses!
Did you really expect any less?
Didnt think so!
SF4L.
Michele.

Why am I not more zen?

If I was zen I would not have so much crap and moving would not kill Me. Colour Me dead. I should be like some rock warrior from the Planet “Fuck you Buddy!”. But no. I am a crabby inner city fan boy who could’nt find her ass with a flashlight and two hands. I dream of having this totally clean and military life. I own one of everything and when it falls apart I get a new one and get back in the van.Simple huh? God! Dont make Me laugh! I have still got the black converse that I got in the ninth grade.I cant seem to bring myself to hoik my last pair of Vans Disasters all because I got them the weekend of the ’99 Big Day Out and for some godforsaken reason they dont make them anymore..I also found A love letter from my 1st boyfriend [Hey Mike! So much for forever eh?], A Van Halen “51-50” t-shirt that fit me when I was ummm…12? ,2 baby teeth,My wedding ring,A Kerrang year book from ’89,A “My little pony” without a head… And I packed all this crap and moved it across town.

I have made a pact with my new roommate, The coolest drummer in the world [TM] that I will be strong and throw 5 things away every day untill my lfe is noting but a backpack,A cowboy hat and a steely glare.But untill then I will stay in bed reading the cache of shit hot comix that Blackie gave Me for Xmas before buggering of to europe for the next month to play with Turbonegro.I will be the Scarlett O’hara of metal.I will think about it tommrow….

Oh man…then you have my book collection.Let me rephrase that..My book collection has Me. By the well read short and curlys so to speak.All 3000 of them.Books that is. not pubes… Oh! and lets not forget the SUPER practical Seven and a half foot carved javanese oak and leather sofa that wants to move in with the Osbournes and cost me as much as a second hand Datsun in good nick.Mmmmm…. and the spare room that looks like some one threw a frag grenade into a St Vinnes clothing bin…A room full of clothes that I swear I will wear yet I pull on the same scummy outfits day after day….”Sloth thy name is Michele”…I got 19 days untill My other roommate gets back from OS so that buys Me a bit of time….

Next time? Next time I douse the lot in ligher fluid and flick the zippo without a second thought.Yeah and then burn to death trying to get My Black Velvet Elvis out of the hungry inferno….

Its ALL about Melbourne. Fuck I had a great time! We did an all ages show that was out of this world! and met a whole bunch of new sikfuks who have been sending me heaps of emails that have been most welcome.So to all at EV’S…Thank you soo much and to everyone who showed to all the other shows inc a killer midnight spot at the Espy.Leeroy fishboy and video king supreme got it all down and some of it aint real pretty but editing is not in the deal..its gonna be warts and all [Lemmy?] From here on in if someone shoves a camera in your face at any of our shows cutsik with your bad self and go to home movie heaven.!!

Hmmm…So I take it that I will be seeing you all at The Annadale for our last Sydney show for ’03…right? Cool! Thursday the 11th.Anxiety whispers and New Project are rounding out the bill.

Mikey came home with a heap of photos that he took when we did the Strapping show at the Metro. Cue me swooning in the kitchen! Gotta tell ya’ll, one of the TOP rock moments in my LIFE thus far was myopically squinting into the pit at Candys covered in blood at 2am on Halloween only to see one of the drummers who has turned my world on its sonic axis for more years than I care to remember! There before my blind ass was Gene Hoglen grinning like a loon throwing Me the bird and rocking out to us!My internal fanboy shat himself!!! It was,the whole night, a TOTAL fucking honnor.To play with Strapping and hang with one of the last gentlemen in rock? Wahhhhhhh!!!!!

Belive Me when I tell you that I never take it for granted. I never take Any of you as a given. I know that I am prone to ramble but…Fuck!All my life I have been a shit magnet and I knew that when I got into this that people were gonna love it or hate it.I dont seem to get alot of grey in my life…HA! That is the understaement of the decade!!.The fact that all you Sikfuks can see it,that you know what we are about, That it means what it means to you? Well shit! I finally got somthing right in my life!

By the time this hits your screens my mind would have been blown yet again…

The night that we played our 1st ever show at the sorely missed Iron Duke,We were the last band on the bill following killer sets from Neo Ezi and Kyser.Bonds were formed that night that are still strong today.Brad from Kyser is the mean fucker you see beating the crap out of me in the “Stand” clip!, Neo Ezi opened for us at the Detestimony launch this year.Hell! It was the night That it all started and it was magic cause I saw that it was ALL that I ever wanted…There was a room fulla poker machines out the back and while loitering round the doorway I met a girl who became a friend and possibly one of the staunchest supporters in all that followed.She was THE true sikfuk before we even had a name for it!

I think that it was in a long late night ramble to Leeroy that we were talking about what you do for music. I was doing one of my horrible long winded “Rollins is a God wahwahwah” Numbers and I was saying that it must feel amazing for him for anyone to see that their music has ment so much to someone that they have gone under the needle and had it inked in.Thought about what it must have been like the 1st time Sir Hank ever saw those 4 black bars on somone elses hide… I said that I couldnt imagine how it would make Me feel…

Well now I know. Jacobi? You are truly a sikfuk 4 life. Takes alot to take my breath away and you have nailed it!! Remember: LOTS of bepanthan!

Seeing that I am on a “You Guys Rule” Rampage I want to thank ALL the sikfucks who have thrown up the goats from all over the planet this year and have let us know that we are getting out there! I am not gonna be able to remember all the names but I got some shout outs before I flake out in the shower.Thanx for reading ,listening and showing up time and time again with your freak flags flying.

Melbourne.
Miss Karen Cocks, Mike V, The EV’S Sikfuks, The Street team, Andrew Hague, Sue at The Espy, Craig Hickey 94.7, Miss Alex at FIEND, Pj and Amelia, Bloodduster,No Idea, truckstop diner dolls,Abrasion, Glen and the peanutbutter men, The Tote and anyone else down south who has ever given a shit! Kudos to you.

Sydney. The SIKFUK nation, You know who you are and there are too many to name! Skot 09,Elle, pixie ,Amilie, Jarrod, Fernanda, Bolt ,Pocketrocket,Capt A,Kittywhip,Vegas 69, Little bit, One littlle Indian. Tin tin……… To all the clubs who have let us play .The Hard Ons,Mz Ann Thropik and all the cool bands that we have rocked with… Matt Reike, Rod Yates, Murray at drum, Meridith at brag…Argh!!My brain is melting! Ken West for taking a shot…

Toddski,Matt and Bryan In New York. The Brazilian Sikfuks. Carey and the London crew. Miss Sophia and Mr Adam In NZ. Gooch and crew in Tucson AZ. The Brisvegas sikfuks. All in NOLA. B* the gypsy.

Now if that dont run like the sloppiest MtV award speech I dont know what will!

Remember..As long as they spell your name right its all good……
S4FL.
Michele.

My Sister likes to tell me that everything is about numbers.

That if the numbers ain’t in your favour to get the fuck outta dodge or kick some ass..She usually pulls this theory out when that big gnarley vein in the center of my forehead is doing its best Vinne Paul impersonation…I believe in choosing my battles,really I do, but some peoples kids……She has been on damage patrol all the way from NZ.And my long suffering mother is sick of the bad language and hate manifestos that I am been speweing down the line to her.All bridges are on fire…hehhehhheh! File THAT under give a fuck!! Now MY pet theory of the week is that we must be doing something right to piss off so many!

Gotta admit ,I do get around to feeling sorry for my band on a pretty regular basis. I find it hard to put up with myself at the best of times so they have it pretty rough…I am still trying to duck out on recording most of the time…Ash and I were toe to toe on the phone again today..He got me to the “Ok! I’ll do it! Jesus! You Are one..” and the motherfucker hung up on me! So I called back..”Hello?” “Never” I snarled “Hang up on me!” and then I slammed the phone down.The height of emotional maturity we are NOT.

The look on Ash and Mikeys faces when they came to pick Me up for the show on Friday was pretty priceless. Let me fill you in on yet another band dynamic,one that very few are aware of…In their spare time my boys are Martin Luther King, Ghandi and Jesus H Christ. They are the most spiritually alined zenfuckers in rock and roll. Which make me a cross between Tyler Durdin and Attila the Hun.. They rise above and turn the other cheek. Where as ,on said night,I cruise out to the bus with a song in my heart [snort!] a smile on my face and an axe handle slug over my shoulder.There was one thing that I dug about my swiftly aborted catholic education and that was “An eye for an eye” I dont bring this argument up with the band cause they start in on all the lightweight commandments…I digress…I dont like space monkeys fucking with me and mine.

“Oh no you don’t Michele! I will not be tarred with the same brush as you! You cant go around knee capping eveyone who pisses you off..” Ashley.

“Why?” – Me.

“I dont believe this…” – Mikey.

“How the hell did I end up in a band with a bunch of hippies!”- Me.

“He is not worth it”- Rossco.

“Yes he fucking is!!”-Me.

So, if you can belive this I didnt do it!. Band:1 Me:0. The powers of good yadda,yadda,yadda..[“Michele,you must fight me,I am your Father!,Come to the darkside”]..I was so pissed about it all and the party in question will never know how close they came to limping their way into the new year…it is hard for Me to admit this on so many levels but my band do a stunning job of handling my bullshit temper and keeping me out of jail.Its just that everytime I have got round to turning the other cheek I have had it smacked in.I figure that I have taken enough licks…

Before I take off and see that man about a dog once more I wanna thank all that made the show on Friday a pure fucking joy.You Sikfuks are the SS Minnow in My ocean of shit.

More later.
Watch out Melbourne! We are comming for you!
Michele.