Latenite weekend shit fight ….11/19/04

Wild horses couldnt drag me away.
-The Rolling Stones.

She never mentions the word addiction….
-The Black Crowes.

Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier.
-Thomas Fuller.

Gabba,Gabba,Hey!
-The Ramones.

As soon as I told the Brittstar how little we had been playing of late all I could hear was the miles between us and in my mind,see the lines bother her marble smooth brow.

“How are you getting you agression out baby?” She drilled me with good intent. I grinned ,scrathing at my forearms in the cold dark of the phone box that I had busted up a few weeks prior.We both laughed into the silence knowing each other far to well.

“Enjoy it while you can,before the photos start again…”

“I am!” I reassure the only one left.

The one who never left me.

I can hear shitty punk songs jarringly out of tune telling me that Hollywood is burning.Miss Sophia “Some live ,some die Mish…” And I want danger Iggy,I want the Hotel California once more.Miss Pamela? Come dance before me at the Whiskey and let me steal one long lime tinted candy kiss before The Riot House kicks us out again.

“Goin to California” Croons Mr Plant

“Yessssss” I sign split tounged and ready…..
It will be good to miss my brothers again.Distance gives me clarity.
I am in a ,Well, what is for me, a dangerous place.I am tired.I find myself wishing that someone would offer me somthing.If offered? Well,I would have the right to refuse.
The thing that jolts me awake as my fingers skim the mirror surface of what ever apple is being offered in my illicit dreams, is that I will say yes.
That I will not refuse..
Being that I am sodden with longing and dizzy with exhaustion not to mention fed up with myself……??
I would say yes to almost anything tonight.
And that is what keeps me running.
“LIVE IN THE NOW YOU FAT FUCK!”
-Letter to me pinned above my bed…erm…from me.
[When she tells me that she loves me……..]
What Ho Dark Horse!
Back to holy beginnings with unsound methods.

I think that Ross can be SO evil.I cant belive that he let Miss Annie make her way into my cave before the sun went down.He of ALL people.That is just plain mean.

The gamers have a smoking room at this net cafe.That is class.I am still trying to get around to picking up the habit again so I will have somthing to do after I get laid and such and then I remember some of the tossers from The Ranch alummni who went back to it and being lumped into the same lot as them? Well, to be quite frank? It makes my spritual ballsack crawl.

Oh yeah….and I cant afford it.Some tosser just rolled in and is playing some shit music down the end of the room.Thank fuck the wannabe axe murderer who is watching porn behind me is wearing a headset.

And no,almost bringing a 16 year old to tears was not a good way to wake up.Poor kid.She stood in the door way throwing my dirty laundry on to my prone and growling form.Smart cookie.She flicked the light and said to me, quite ashen after the fact “All I saw was a hand creeping out and curling around your baseball bat”

I had just had a rather sad,hectic and oddly horny dream to boot.I pulled it together and mooched out into the SNOW,and NO I dont give a flying Fuck that it was only about an inch,its still fucking frozen water and I think that it sucks….onward to see Miss Suzanne at Blends, who has been sick so it all worked out in the end.We spoke of Fisting,canoes,fire and Mexico.Well rounded and topical conversation is always worth the effort.

Then I Got taken to dinner by Miss Annie and her Dad.I guess that they must see me as some kind of musical dog that followed their kid home one day.Or somthing.Not that I am complaining here.I eat like a king these days! Went to “Boggies Burgers” and talked about plane crashes and “Your ass better be home by….” times for the comming festivities of the weekend.For Her not Me!

The weekend ,that is ,as far as I can tell,is off to a FLAMING start for at least half of my band.Mike was home alone when I got back from watching some god awful TV pap at Miss A’s [“Oh Joey! My Mom says that we cant see each other!!!!” Piano swells…yawn…] so I left him too it and made a break for the studio where I soon found out it has been a shit fight and a half all day.I start muttering darkly as Endre pats my hand and drops me at Juliets where Ash and Delux have already started making one hell of a dent in what becomes a rather formidible bar tab.

Ahhhhh….Fridays in buttfuck Canada can only mean but one thing….Kare-fuckin’-oke.I shit you not.Ross and I decided to join forces tonite and sing “Hoplessly devoted to you” Which I guess we are in some twisted way…..I am the Dean Martin to Deluxs slobbering Jerry Lewis.His haircut alone strikes terror into the stoic hearts of most Calgarians as it is.Imagine when he sings.Well,kinda.Rosses auto reflex is to do noises better suited to a cow doing phone sex when he forgets the words…or just dosent wanna read them.

I gave him the shot of jager that was bestowed apon me for making a cock out of myself . Our trusty guitar got beat him to it but not before sluring/telling me,

“Drink it! G’on! Ya wont get drunk”…

Sometimes I want to beat him like a rented mule,I swear to fucking god.

Then Ross and I moshed around the pool table while a fat chick sang Shania Twain ernest enough to make me wanna hurl and then he scared the bejesus out of a small man of asian decent who had chosen to sing some Sinatra, screaming at Carl, our cross dressing long suffering host [ Who by the by makes one HELL of a Dusty Springfield…I digress…] “I AM FRANK BABY!!! NO ONE ELSE CAN DO “MY WAY”!!!!!” I know ,I know….you dont have to tell me I was there and sober….sigh….

Ash went to the shitter after telling some cletis clone while pointing at me like some beer fueled Charlton Heston sans hair, that “Thats not a man you fool!” and so on.The second dude who

made the same mistake tonite? I just went “Outside!” untill he freaked out.Ross dropped another beer, Ash tried to tell me what I was thinking yet again, they went outside to blow yet another fuckin free spliff and in the company of an Ann Margret-esque Red head named Sheryl ,fell into a cab driven by a frightened looking indian man and went to a stripclub.

The end [as we know it….]

If they wake me up telling me how much they love me at 6am? I am gonna go postal.

So,at least half of my band took its “Motley Crue” pills today.

Alas I was not one of them.

It is now 3 somthing in the morning and there is a dude behind me looking at hardcore porn and the owner is flaked out behind the counter yet again.The excitement is really far to much for me.I have slept away another week and had a low grade freak out when Mikey stood grave in the bathroom doorway and told me that he is out of here in 18 days.Holy shit. I wish that I was heading back for the summer but Like Ross put it we have gotta stay here till its all done.I dont mind I guess.once I pull that bank job……

A good party to go to tommrow nite.Dylan sikfuk and all round hottie is having a birthday bash.I wonder if Big mike will throw the fridge at anyone??? What ever happens it wont be boring.That is MY job.I mean fuckin LOOK at me.Friday nite and I am in a net cafe with a pervert batting off a few seats away.Stellar aint it? Got a most welcome email from Mr Matt R back downunder who is keen for photos and at least 1000 damnning words from the steaming smutt heap that is the world of tourettes.Bless his rockin sox.I will clean my act up and get typing.

Did not end up getting my ink this week as my chick bits are rioting [ read;on the rag] and I know that any inked ladies who are reading this will know that that is the WORST time to go under the needle.Delux is gonna brek out the camera when I go and get some stunning tourettes TV.I really want to get both arms done at once.Always wanted to know if I could handle that or if I would just barf on myself like a big loser.Trying to get the cover art sorted and we still dont have a title.The working tile has been,with a smirk for a few weeks now..”Rocky mountain low”

EWWWW! The porno dude just woke up the counter jockey….to ask for a tissue.

I did not read ABOUT this in the contract baby.

We also have a song called “Rod-fuckin’-stewart” Betcha he sues.

Miss Jessi M dropped me a line and it was good to hear that she is still out there and flyin the flag.Told me that M4TB has been shifted to Feb.Looks like we will still be on this side of the planet.Moo!…My, how this year has flown.

I am gonna go and steal more garden gnomes for the living room.
Why?
Because I fuckin can.

Dont get none on ya.
SF4L
Michele

I swear that I tried to get up today.

Bless the Finches.Thats Miss Annies clan.They fed me and sent me rolling home last night with BAGS of books and being the glutton that I am I stayed up till sunrise reading.Thats the thing that I miss the most….books.

My stuff reads like the most diabolical wad of monkey spank when compared to my mighty bass god.How good is Uprooted???.As he was saying we have had the house to ourselves a real lot of late.Me ,clapped out on orange peoke tea and him blissfully stoned we staged a “Read-in” in the spirt of all that is beat and rolls its own ciggerettes while wearing a beret,in paris….somthing,somthing….anyway.He let me read his work out loud and kiss his talented butt.It was all very arty farty and I dug it a great deal.The poem about the greek cop? I rest my case.

I dropped by the studio tonight but its not as if I really knocked that loud.Its a weird position to be in as Ash really is in the drivers seat and there is nothing that any of us can do for him.It makes Me see red when he gets pissy and complains about it though….he is looking so beat ,the poor cunt.We are all just trying to get there.

Mikey seems to be a bit happier about his work in there.Its great what a few big fights will do for you.I havent even left yet and I am already wondering what it is gonna be like when we all reconvine here at the end of Feb.Delux and Endre were talking about how many shows we are gonna have to nail next year and I sigh with relief cause that is all that I ever wanted anyway.

Just play.That is the one thing that I swore when I cast myself on this sonic pyre all those moons ago.Do it live or dont do it at fuckin all.

I figure if I sit here much longer this is all gonna fold so I will fuck off now.

SF4L
Michele

Monday something in November.

You Know that I love ya baby.
-Ash, after 3 days solid drinking at 3am walking home in the snow.

Yeah,Until you dont.
-Me, after too many years sober.

Fuck with me.C’mon,bring it on!
-Face it.

I hold onto Rock’n’Roll even when it,when she, dosnt hold me in return.
She is a stone cold bitch and she has owned my heart ,as black as it is, from day one.
When we are talking? When she wants me the way that I crave her?
Its hardcore aural porn.
Its the rail of coke that never ends.
The bottomless bottle of Jack.
Not only am I in the endless loop of love, I am proud to have her on My tattooed arm, All doe eyes and wet suggestion.I can hardly keep my tounge out of her sugar pink mouth.
She is the one who licks my scars and pushes me on stage.
She is the face that I see.She sits cross legged on Rosses bass cab ’cause “Then I can feel you baby….”
And eye fucks me wet and hungry the whole show.
I do it all for her.
For my mistress Rock and Roll.

Problem is that she is holed up at The MGM Grand in Vegas with my Amex card and not taking my calls right now….but I can win her back….you’ll see……..

I think that being astounded is good.I am good at admiring people.I make a great fan.I guess that I dont have a whole lot of friends cause its not easy to find things,traits in people, that you can admire all that often.You know what I mean right?The ones I have got are keepers.And the 3 that I live with?

I owe them my life.

I cant belive that we are all still here to tell you ther truth.I think that when people,well some, come up against a brotherhood like ours that they get a hearty dose of envy.I dunno why most days seeing that the internal aligences within the 4 of us shift faster than Paris Hiltons fuck puppets, Ouside the loop?They cant understand it so they wanna destroy it.

Let me learn ya some.

Me and these 3 men that you see here?

We have delt with enough bullshit to turn Vegas into the fucking Amazon.Lovers?Husbands?Wives? They will come and go…..I remember everyone who has fucked with Me and mine and you will pay….but for now?

We have got a point to make.The bullshit that we have endured to get this far.The “Metal” labels,fans [Snort!] and bookers that would not look at us because they couldnt shift their peanut brains outside of the square.Keep your narrow minds,heap as much shit on Me as you want.I will take it all.Im good like that.I am like a fuckin rock and roll Timex. I will take a lickin and keep on tickin.You think that I?,That we,have not taken worse than the petty shit that you have delivered?

Turn your back,fuck me over ,rip me off………

I will take it all and I will come back for seconds.

Call us what you like.I creep like disease.Every Sikfuk owns a peice of what we have built.You cant buy them.They see through you for the fakes that you are.We are all lifers.Every town motherfuckers.We are comming for your children,They have been waiting for us.

I have never belived in somthing as much as I belive in what I am doing on the other side of the world sleeping on the floor in Buttfuck- minus -god -knows- what in Canada

You know, I sit there in Miss Suzannes old lazy boy recliner watching hours of spastic cable TV.Numb with longing and depression,not knowing from one day to the next if we are gonna get shafted.Bandages itching under my filthy long sleave,Behind me,swearing at his computer, is Delux,tireless self educated and true.Hammering it out again.When it comes to the fine print I dont know my ass from a hole in the ground.But there he is.In my motley punk assed corner.Telling Me where and when and how.Just like he has done from the get go.He never talks down to me and takes all the time in the world.I need a visa? He is onto it. Ticket? Leather pants?….whatever.He is the one who rolls us when we think that the wheels have fallen off.He holds me up.What ever girl is left in me he lets run wild and dosnt take my self abusing bullshit.One word from him when I am down can sear like acid but never could I have drempt a better Lt to my folly.I still wanna be him when I grow up.

I gotta make it clear,I dont belive a fucking thing that Ash says.I will knock heads with him untill the day that I die.Most days we cant stand each other.Yet, I would give the motherfucker a Kidney if he needed one.He hasnt let me finish a sentence in almost 5 years and has said shit to me that I would have walked all over anyone else for.That is how he gets away with it all.He is like no-one else.Ever.The soul of Phil Spector on crack and candy.The longneck Hero.The other side of the noise that I need like air.

He completes the shitstorm inside me.Hours of building these big soundscapes in where I run barefoot and no one can hurt me.He gives me this.We will never really have anything in common and in the big picture thats cool, but I know that the sum of my life would somehow be a lesser place if I looked to my right in the midst of it all and did not see him there.

Oh Mikey. My open wound. My number one son.The eternal perfect doubter.My spine ,my back bone.My wet blanket.I wouldnt change his misery guts for the world but I would give him peace if it was mine to give.Mikey who teaches me and makes the beat sing back to Me.My drummer on damage patrol who makes me want to be bigger.I would also go back in time and kick the shit out of any of his kin or otherwise who gave him the greif that he still carries.Perfect in my eyes the engine of my hatred on stage always driving me on.Mike who fights like Jake la Motta,who has listened to me shotgun on dark long roads when the rest of the band was passed out in the back of the van for hours.My drummer,the only one I have known who has never laughed at my secrets.

These three men,my brothers,are greater than the sum of anything that I ever dared imagine I would do.

I am sure that we all want to kill each other at least once a day.

So,
You can see why I dont give up.This dynamic would never happen to me again.I can be a bit thick at times but I am not stupid.For what its worth,how it wounds me and heals me, Its got to be the one thing that does not lie to me.The stage does not lie to me,The blood,sweat running like rivers,In the name of the bass,The guitar,the drums,amen. All of it is my only truth.The truth That wants me to go harder that pushes me out of the cell that I lock myself into out of habitual depression.When I was a kid and getting torn apart at school I would say that I had 5 brothers.I wished it so hard that it happened.And now I do.

All of us are going through our own versions of hell.The sort that you cant talk about.We are together almost 24-7.Mikey just spent 30 somthing hours in his room.I dont blame him one bit.You have to be able to fight and get on with it.A lesson that has kicked my grudge keeping butt,thats for sure.This band taught me how to fight like a man,not a bitch.It was a good lesson to learn.

It was fucked at the studio today.I felt like it was all going to drift beyond our control.I went into “The church” and if talking to Elvis and Johnny Cash is praying well that is exactly what my agnostic self was doing.Sat there with a guitar in my fucked up arms and I begged.I made a zillion promises,told all the availble saints that I would get and keep it together just dont leave me broken out here in the sticks.

Red crosses for Marie L in Nola,Voodoo childe slight return,Blood stained novena,Jesus,Mary,Janis and Jimmy M with your lizard flick hips throw me a fuckin line., you name it,I was betting the farm.

Dont take this away from me before I have had a chance to prove myself,to pit myself against myself in the arena that I have craved forever.

Then I went and smashed up some shit.

And gave the last of my change to some crackhead out the front of the Safeway.When your life is turning to shit you get kinky supersticious ,belive me.Being up for the last 48 hours trying to flip my body clock didnt help much either.

All I know is that if we hadnt of met Endre and clicked the way that we did we would have all been on the 1st bird out within a fortnight.No shit.It was dire.None of us are willing to let go of this,whatever it is its a hell of alot bigger than the now five of us ever imagined.

I walked into that studio like I was facing a firing squad.

Ross did warn us that it was gonna be insane.No shit,Its like the shower scene fron Psycho on a 24 hour loop.Endre put his lanky arm around me and said that we will find a way.This dude has put it all on the line for four guys from Australia.[ Yeah? I am one of the boys?You got a problem with that?] And here was me thinking that I was gonna go hard before…They will be scraping my blood off the walls when I get done.

So from room to room I walk,like a tripwire dodger, and gave them each a kiss,[ Ash thought it was Ross,kinda relived and disturbed that it was me,Mike,a shy smile,Ross “Dont Touch Me Michele!” but he took it….] threaded my way through this magic place,with there amazing people who make all my killing words come to life and keep me out of jail.Who give me a fucking reason,the only reason to keep going when I can see none.Out into the snow to you.

You who read and belive.You the un-named endless.

All I can go back to is that we are all dust.Gotta be be bigger you know?

Here is to fearless futures.Here is to you.To us.To my brothers who never read this shit anyway and so will never know how I feel.Maybe that its better that way.Dont want ’em gettin’ soft on Me!

I will just keep hacking and changing the shape that I am in.Dont have a car so I will fuck with myself instead.

The weekend was like Caligula….more on top of what I told you in the last one.The heights of such decadance are exhausting to me tonite and I know that Delux is gonna spill the beans and incriminate the bejesus out of me so I will have some decorum for a change

Ner.

Believe half of what you see and fuck all of what you hear.

It was the Hash that finished everyone off in the end.I sat on the sofa reading ‘High Times”

As always thanx for the letters.Your belief keeps me running.
Oh,
And Hate is my fuel.
SF4L
Michele.

Oh Baby…its just a kiss away……

-Gimme Shelter-The Rolling Stones.

So there I was in the back room at Jokers tattoos, Wailing on a couple of gats with my new mate J.Who by the way looks like he should be on tour with The Stones back in the day.ALL about killer silver and flared jeans.Well Met!.We were on fire!…Dont think that we jammed but a few songs that were written after 78′ to tell ya the truth.

I needed it.Dylan came and woke my onery old ass up. Flew throug the basement door and scared the crap outta me.Lucky that I didnt brain him.I had only passed out at 7 and was lucky if it was ten when he decided to bust my chops….[ “Dude! Its daylight!Fuck off!!!” “C’mon Mish! I will be in pain!You can watch!” “….well,when ya put it like that”] So that is how I ended up there.And Dylan ended up with a massive Skull thingo inked on his ribcage.It looked painful as hell.Since he was in the chair for so long all the Sikfuks in town rolled through to see what the fable was.Ryan,who is like the DREAM music lover decided to take the grand leap of faith.Before I knew it he had “SF4L” enblazed on the nape of his neck.

Swoon.

I will get pictures pronto.It still blows my mind.I am next.I gotta beat SOME of you guys to the punch….*Blush* I mean! Fuck!….I have not been inked since the sad day that Mr Adam Craft and his Lady Love Miss Sophia Rolled back to Auckland.By The way.If you are down on K Road? Go in and tell em who sent ya….Leif was sounding off about getting it done before I made a break for it…dunno what the stats are on that….Dylan is next and that is why I am getting my Knuckles done on friday.

Playing the devils music can hook you up sweet sometimes.Calgary has been real sweet to me outside all my own shit.The sikfuks here are outta the ballpark.I dunno how many of them are on line but I know that you guys will like ’em back in Australia.So….I worked out a deal With Arnold at Jokers and I am not gonna tell y’all what we are up too….I will post photos…I saw a dig-camera at Mikey and Ryans the other nite.

As always?
Big and Black.
What? A unicorn?.
Neh.

Got a lunch date with miss Kerri if I wake up in time and a Toga party on the weekend.I am gonna go home and eat a craft dinner and see what is up with the boys…I am gonna combust if I dont get in there soon..Ment to be in Mexico with gooch…and I am not…sigh

Talking to the B* as she yelled at bums on Hollywood bvd.Then doing a happy dance in the Kitchen.

Dont get none on y’all.
SF4L
Michele

Your flying high

Your selling teeshirts
You pull out of shows when your voice hurts
You ignore fans
Trash your tour vans
Think you’ve got it made cause your singles getting played…..
“Next big Thing”.M.Madden 04′

Heres a trick…Let other peoples fuck ups fuel your creative output.They suck and you get a song out of it.No names tonite cause I am being Sam Elliot cool but I will be the last man standing.Stay in your small pond.Only takes an inch of water to drown anyway….

Buddy?

Your fans, as missguided as I belive them to be ,made you.They will break you the same way.

Flipping burgers all the way for you.

Note to self: Do not clean out bag in Zen tantrum mode as you will leave all the cool shit that you need on your floor.

Oh! but it is charged on the corner of 13th and 1st gentle reader! Mikey said it the best and keep in mind that I am paraphrasing here.

“I let him know what a bunch of egotistial prima donna fuckwits we all are so thats cool”

Mikey telling us how it goes.

We did one of our huge numbers in the parking lot today.Fuck we are both loud when we get going.Its all good.It clears the air ya know?

I told Ross that I KNOW that he rolls his eyes when ever I leave the room and he went red so now I double know that its true.

Got a cool email today from Capt A of the good ship doom.Pod People are getting monster rave ups in the UK so that makes me smile.I told him how much I am stinging for gossip and it all got rather evil from that point.So Im a cunt.Whadda ya want?

The more I listen to what we are doing the more I know we are on the right track and how much its gonna piss our haters off.Yey! Dipshits who shit a Meita if they cant stick a label on it.

People can be ever so narrow minded dont you think?

There is a mouse loose in the living room so you can imagine how happy that makes the Bassgod sleeping on the floor in there.He is sick to death of me.He will be winging it to Spain sooner rather than later so its all sweet.Oh thank fuck! I dont have to spend the whole winter up here.My sister is back in LA so I will be spreading the Tourettes gospel down there sooner than soon.If any of you LA sikfuks wanna meet up and start plotting a bit of west coast domination drop me a line C/O the site.Me and the B* plan on helming the streeteam equlivlent to the Hells Angels.

Are ya in?

Mucho huge thanks to all who are keeping the flag flying back home.Well,we did not make the BDO this year.I would have died of shock if we had of to tell you the truth.I am stoked that you keep us up in everyones faces though!

At the most base level [which is the only one that I give a shit about right now] That is what matters.I dont know any other band that has what we have on the level that we do.

Lets see what happens next summer.

Ash is running on empty right now and even on the days that we dont like each other and belive me there are many,I still respect the pointy headed fucker more than he will ever know.I think that he wishes that I had batterys that he could take out and just charge Me up when he needs some vocals.

Being in a band is a headfuck on so many levels.I mean,Here we are, 3 albums and almost half a decade together…I mean…I have seen more of these three men than I have seen of my family in the last 20 years [When it comes to 99% of my family belive me when I tell you thats a godsend…] I think it drives Ross nuts cause we seem to have the same conversations alot….that and me farting at him all the time and thinking that it is the funniest thing ever.

It will be good for all of us to be apart for a while.To bring new tales back to the camp.I just cant wait to let loose in LA once again cause it has been far too fucking long.Back to Hollywood.I went through a stage thinking that I would never go back…Bad memories and my stubborn ass…But where the B* is at? Well! Fuck it really,that is always where I am gonna end up….Tales of heavy ink and you KNOW that I have got all my didgets crossed here.

I was kinda thinking about tring to get back for the summer and what not but when I told you that I nalpalmed all my bridges I ment it.I want what we are,all of us,to be world wide.I want to do somthing bigger than the sum of all my personal bullshit….I know that some of you have been talking to Miss Annie.This to me is what its all about.I met her in much the same way that I met most of you guys…hangin at a coffee shop and she got a hold of what we do and what we are about and just ran with it.She got to converting all her likeminded friends.She is selling our cds at school for Christs sake.Now to some big band or record label that would not mean shit but that is what it is all about.To Me that is what matters.

I still write to all the people that I have met through rock and roll.Sickfuks or not.They are the ones that understand me and make killer mix tapes.I know that you guys know what I mean.The lasting friendships that I have made were forged in the pit.Leif? The dude with the killer hawk at The Annadale? We met at Slayer in 98 and through many cool and crappy times have remained mates.That is what I am talking about.Miss Susan writing to me from Melboure and then getting up here with Big Mike Vaughn and the crew for BDO.Princess J and her ink,Tony and Box seeing us last summer and jumping into the life.Meeting Toddski in a New York bar,Miss Shelia and the SF site,Gooch still behind the band and Me after almost 10 Pantera fueled years, Maxwell Demon Flying the flag through punk squats all over Europe,Gene Hoglan beliving and supporting.The list of names is endless…I am fuckin blessed.

There are a million more tales and I have got em all and you close to that black thing in my rib cage.

I was telling a new SF about the “Stand” clip the other day when it struck me that it was all friends made through music giving their all in that.

You guys are beyond staunch.

Everytime you write Me.Everytime you lodge a request….You add another brick to one mighty foundation.

You guys listen.You wear the teeshirts,sticker everything that is not moving fast enough to get away from you,download the songs……And the thing that gets me is what you have become,The cells that you have formed and the friendships that have been made away and outside of the music.It is a fucking family.

Nothing can touch Me when I think about it all like that.

On that note I am off to bed.
Up all nite….sigh.

Here for ya.
SF4L
Michele

Wednesday somthing blah…dunno?…Nov 10th mebee?

Dont say you want Me,Dont say you need Me,Its understood.
Dont say your happy,Out there without Me cause its no good.
-Depeshe Mode.

The spiderman is having me for dinner tonight.
-The Cure

I am so sure that this would have been alot more lucid a few hours ago. Cause god only knows I was feeling mighty purposeful and hard -assed storming down Center street at about 1 this morning with a fire under my ass and a song in my heart but instead of running right to you I dicked around in the fetid bowels of my hotmail account and answered emails and signed guestbooks.

And here I am.I am all for memory loss at 4 in the morning in this shite netcafe.I should also get into the habit of wiping old mash notes.I am a sucker for self punishment thats for sure.

Weird but y’all can blame my sister for this rave tonite.There I was,the kittens using my lame ass for a scratching post and my peanut brain running the minute mile.I have gold star in “Coulda….shoulda” at the moment.Picture if you will,Moi,in training for the sadistic olympics when I kissed the tattoos on my wrists and muttered somthing about “….send me a fucking sign or a ciggerette….” when Lo! A cloud appeared before me carrying Jenna Jamerson raining Lucky strikes…nah…..I looked up at the digital read out on the clock and in lime green [Think Poison “Look what the cat dragged in”] and Volia! The Time? 1:11

Every time a clock hits all the same numbers Me and the B* claim it.I dunno why! Never said that this was rock and roll mensa buddy!Read on…..

So I did a runner feeling very stealth and some what sexy in spite of,well you know, being Me.And here I am.

The Rev Al Sharpton once said “What do you choose? Convenince or conviction?”

I am going through a real lot of that right now.I am not gonna back down or get out of it here.I just spiral hard.I have a real lotta time on my hands and that is somthing that I have never been real good with.I am a grunt.Put me in the feild and I come to life.I have been stuck in the DMZ with nary a firefight on the wire to get my jaded blood pumping….Yeah yeah I know….poor Me right? I sound like a suck ,granted ,but I am not gonna write if its not warts and all.

Being a lead singer is about as useful as an ashtray on a moterbike 99% of the time….

So I tango with the blade every once in a while.

B* told me that she was proud of me.I felt winged monkeys fly from my butt.

Ok more sonic tales.I holed up for 2 days.I gotta tell you,its real easy not to leave the house…ahhh digressing again….Mikey in in “The church” with Endre and Nate getting the PERFECT drum sound.I have not been down there in a few days cause I tend to get in the way and its all serious as cancer now.This is what we bet the farm on.22′ inch bass drum that I sure John Bohnam is smiling down on from where ever he is.The room is pretty boomy when we are jamming as you can imagine but miked? Load loser for sure.Hot Damn.

Being as we tune so low and that I have been around my boys to learn a thing or two this time,I am really keen to see how they pull the bass and guitar parts cleaner so to speak.I cant fully convey how BIG it all sounds.

So I guess that I will be roped in sonner or later….

Passed out on the floor on my room,Head exploding trying to get all the names for these tunes in place ,when Miss Sue storms in with a six string for old iron sides here.So very kind.I am sure that the rest of the band will be cursing her sooner than later.

I really gotta pull my head in.I am like some kind of fat narpolic mess.I just crash most shamelessly anywhere.Like that drunk that you always step over to get to that bathroom at the party ? Thats Me.

Big Mike told Me while I was zoned out in front of the idiot box at Dylan and Nikkis tonight that his life took and upward swing when we rolled into town.Just when I think that I cant be shocked someone tell me somthing nice and it fair takes the wind out of my sails.

Let it be known that I belive everyone here to be on Lithium or acid as NO one is this nice.

How down am I at the moment???….Read on……

I did not go and see Vince Neil on comp tix [No less!] tonite at Cowboys [Thanx anyway AJ] So that may give you some idea of how far I am gone out on the perimiter here.

It’ll serve or slay me,Y’all know the deal.

Love letters suck.SUCK! except when ya 1st get em….I am gonna abort this before it gets stupid and at 5 in the morning its bound to get dumber than dog shit.

I know that alot of y’all who read my shit write yourselves.Now,I gotta ask you cause I have always wondered if it was just Me ,but do you always write the endings? In life and on paper?

I am a feroicious coward at the moment when it comes to human relations and I tend to put it down to being the eternal epitaph writer.That and not having recovery time.Nah,Not having the inclination to get burned [ Again…yawn. ] and or my ass kicked.

My long suffering sister has sat through many a night of me talking about how the best relationships of my life….NEVER HAPPENED….Thats right campers.They never made it to the starting gate and they RULED…Why? Cause I am a writer thats why!.I always looked great,they always said the right thing,the sex was out of the ballpark with no wet noises or clashing teeth…..I mean,work with me here….

Ok…Lemme learn you one.Back in the hazy days of my excellently misspent youth I ran a nightclub that shall remain….fuck it…. “Rogues” on Oxford street.Spastically underaged I bluffed my way into running some of the biggest nights it had at that point.Oh yeah,and I fell in love.

The only reason that I have thrown y’all this juciy tit-bit of my sordid life is because I still view it as…TA-da! The big fuckin’ Kahona.It was perfect.Every inner city rock Queen should have one of these tasty buggers on her romantic resume. A Pale,tall,underfed,english,suitwearing Coke head.I mean???Hog heaven much?.

And why do I rate it so even though the poor bugger is now cooling his heels on Her Majestys request [read;Jail] ????

BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED.

Therefore it was perfect.

Although at the ARIA afterparty a scant few years ago I felt my spinal fluid drop and lo and behold there, all sweaty and coke bloated in my myopic eyeline, he was…..he gave me THAT look and told Me that he always knew that “You was gonna take over the world babe”.[ sigh…damnit!] Deni swanned by and winked at me and although I wanted to act like an up myself wanker I regressed to a stammering 16 year old and bleated “Why didnt you want me?” before promptly staggering off and hiding behind a couch.

The end.

I have no idea why I am sharing all of this dreck with you this butt freezing morning.Trying to learn about myself? Fwa.I think I am pnone to “Diconceted” evenings….You know when you go through all the names that make up a life.You wonder if anyone is out there.Faces get blury and memories cast long shadows.You find yourself thinking about the People that just up and lost themselves in the time line that is your life….well,I have had a bit of that action going on and in leiu of trying and the loss that can accompany such bolshie fuckstick romantic folly I write here.To you and to myself.

And who knows…I may just end up getting some sleep out of it sooner or later.

Ash cooked the other nite.I am hoping for leftovers as I got kidnapped by a blonde rastafarian.Long story.

I am sure that the dude nodding off behind the counter is wihing that I would just fuck off.Back into my files I will dive and with and iron will and great resolve I shall kiss it all goodbye.Not in the mood to be a pack mule for heart breaking lies.Syonara motherfuckers.Ciao Miow.

If you took the word “Motherfucker” from me I would be a conversational cripple.

Holy shit! Its 6 in the morning.

This has gotta be the biggest load of dreck ever.

Thanx for putting up with it and me.Your letters lifelines……

And Miss S? The GnR quote saved my rotten ass.Thank you.

SF4L
Michele

November somthing [Rain?]…..late-ish.

RIP-John Peel.

I should be running towards disaster.I cant just play it safe anymore.
-Chuck Palahniuk.

The end of laughter and soft light.
-The Doors.

Comming at ‘cha from the basement of doom on Deluxes computer.I cant afford that fucking netcafe.Built for rich gamers on the highway to hell.I wrote Saint Tina a 30 page letter last night Waffling on about ‘Transending” and how,no matter how much I try I cant get around to dealing with 99% of humanity.

I attended a bithday party for a one year old today.I know,the wild uncharted plains of rockness.One of those not so cool times to be in a band.I wonder if accountants get asked to balance their hosts books after coffee?.Point being?I am not gonna sing happy fucking birthday Ok?

Mikey starts going for the killer drum sound tommrow.Ross woke me up today which I found quite astounding as he hates my room.I just kept moaning “Why?Why” while clutching My Louisville slugger.Boys upstairs watching war movies after Sue hooked us up with cable.Mike said “I can never relate to anyone in these films” while inhaling another loaf of bread.I then took my blushing leave of loungroom company thinking that they are the ONLY movies and characters that I ever fucking relate to.

“Things that Ash has called me”
-Redneck
-Warmonger
-Neanderthal.

Um? Duh.

This house is ratshit for loud farts,fucking or talking to yourself as their are vents everywhere due to the heating.I can hear everything….so can they.Shudder.

Still trying to get the album art up to scratch. I want a pastel orgy scene with Care bears,My little ponys ,Strawberry shortcake and Alf.As always, no one is into it.

I am having one of my “Anti metalhead” days. I know that some of you mean well but please dont send me links to chatrooms populated by zit ridden ass wipes who secretly want to be me or have the crap beaten out of them by Me.They are the music worlds version of Bush supporters and I got enough shit to deal with if y’all know what im saying.My hannuka wish? That one of them would step up to the plate with Me when I am having a bad day.Mick Jagger told me That I cant always get what I want but I just might get what I need.And I NEED that.

Cheers.

Today smelt like Xmas trees and bordom.They call ciggerettes “Darts” here and I figure that I should throw myself to the lions again.

From here on in I am only interested in true feeling.
-Lester bangs.

Well buddy,from here on in I am only interested in pissing off as many people as possible and lasting as long as I can.I know in my black heart that I would rather be hated.I will die by the gun and be honest with it.I cant not hate the way that I do.Its not blind….

I got bigger shapes on my hands than these uptight punk and metal purist fucktards would ever dare to throw.

Hold the grenade and toss the pin you fuckin bitches. I take risks.You hide.Generic pap dealers.

I just wander round thinking when I am not needed which is often.I will be lying in fucking bed doing much of the same now seeing that the ass has fully dropped out of the weather again.You walk half a block or in my case tonite,slide in ill equiped converse,and you can no longer feel your face.The boys are fast becomming big glove fans.We get back into the studio and really have to warm up again.

It was the most pat sad assed scene.There I was standing in the snow offering myself one last chance to get through at 4 in the morning.My air turning to fog.This is where I hate myself the most.Weak and fucking tired.For being the fool who comes back for another beating.
That is the place where I want to die.

Phone Box-0
Michele-1

My levels of social retardation are hitting new lows daily.Ross and I went to a friends wedding party at the Barfly a week or so ago.Matt and Tam were happy that we trecked it and Stinkhammer played.While my ever hip bassplayer ran around getting together the makings of a joint,I sat at the bar with a painfully beautiful lad attempting to engage me in some kind of banter.I couldnt meet his eyes. Any words that I may have once possesed curling and dying on my tounge like a salted slug.

Walking home over the Bow river coulda been a rock past the surface to the bed below.Ross ever steady in my despair. Totally naff really.

[“It never would have worked” she sighed “He liked The Smiths more than he liked me….”]

Living on 13th street babe.”Gonna come round at 12 wit’ some girls that are just dyin’ to MEETCHA!” Keith Richard-itis without the good smack and Anita hangin’ off My skinny arm.Wanna sail into the sunset on “The Mandrax” Wanna hang with Gram at Nellecote.Call it “Some Girls” cause “We couldnt remember all their fuckin’ names man!”Altamont and the bottom of a swimming pool…..

[recomended listening for the last paragraph.”Wild horses”]

Note to self:try not to live downstairs from a drummer.

Ash just fell down my narrow stairs with a bucket of tea and a cookie. The battery on this thing is about to spit so I am gonna go and listen to “Exile on main St.”
Again.

SF4L
Michele.

Maybe in another life

I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I cant deal, its so unfair…..
-Offspring.

Hi! Welcome to Weiner burger! Could I take your order?
-The Decendents

Its never over,My kingdom for a kiss apon her shoulder…
-Jeff Buckley

Been a while!

Sorry about that!

There should be another one from round the 20th up as well…Thanx to rossco delux…..

Fuck! Its like 1 in the morning! I got in here at 11! Not complaining though.I got to answer heaps of cool mail.Skot wrote me that he thought that my life would now be “Heartbreak and long highways” Well,sure.Me and Bob Seeger both but I am never not gonna get back to you guys even when it does take a while.Delux is currently being haunted by a Silver bullet band song.[ Who is gonna ride that chrome 3 wheeler Ross???] No shit.Tom Petty is hot on my Converse…means my sister is thinking about me.Always has.

This place is so over heated I feel ripped.I hope you motherfuckers are enjoying the summer. I wear so many layers I think that I am going mouldy! Depression makes for great art.Van Gough said somthing along those lines and he ended up with syliphis and cutting his ear off for a hooker.

shit.

Anyway…….

Memories.

Feeling displaced at Havlock house.Redwine teenaged tired.Stoned again,rushing the void.Itchy with agression,damning it for the hippies.Entertained in a tiny city,knowing that I would be away.That none would be stupid or tireless enough to follow me……

My ghosts a tapdancing a fucking Busby Berkley number tonite.

I remember after you left I wanted as much pain as possible.As much as I could find.I courted it as fervently as I had once courted you. It heeded my call and found me lacking.Pain provided in the space that you had left behind.

I tried so hard to remember the last time that I saw you.I remembered the last time that we tried to reconsile instead.I relive it under low wattage light on a doom loop and wish that my greif would kill me.We were interupted by one of my brothers a nano second before we were eternal.Did he know? Was he protecting my basement dwelling vagabond rock and roll future? We tore like paper never to be the same again.

I dont have any answers but tonite honey? I got a PHD in Meloncholy.

Damage.

I can never get clean.My body is always toxic and never reticent in showing me so.Forever noxious and secreating mad poison through its pores.

I was ment to be out tonite but my date [ahem!] got kidnapped and I was not up for babysitting a Plague of sikfuks.[Dig that! “Plague”] I will catch em’ hangovers and all tommrow.I think that some of y’all back home are chatting to them now.They are solid.

I was asked about what being a “Sikfuk” entailed the other day.Goddamed if I know! I just know that it is us and and it the last thing I have got that no motherfucker can take away from me.We never needed to name it.We always were what we are.I speak for myself when I say that I am glad that there were more out there.This civillian wanted to know if it was a club.Wish that I had of had a club at that point.

Just like home! I now sleep with a baseball bat!

Pretty fuckin sad Saturday night but to tell you the truth I could not give less of a shit.In Chinatown [Read:one street of asian shops in downtown Calgary] at one of those 24 hour net gamer cafes.[ Picture; Tweeking dudes with even less of a life than your wayward scribe here.] Ross is out raizing hell,Mikey arrived home with a box of cookies and all my crew are out getting drunk.Ash has got cabin fever and is under lockdown tonite making sense of all the riffs that he wrote but cant remember.I keep waking up with a sore voice and packing shit.

Ner.As My Miss Karen would say….

I am now listening to GnR after writing back to all you guys.Duff McCagans finest moment [ According to my sister ,myself and several drunk Hell City Glamours one nite…. ] was in “Civil War” .To whit….. “Peace will last forever” Me and the B* have spoken about this stellar moment in rock often.Speaking of the B* she is now back in England eating shitty take out smoking crap pot and watching Richard and Judy.She says that its not too cold and that she will be heading back this way soon.Mexico is looking better and better for Xmas thats for sure.I just wanna be where she is.Oh,and getting Tattoos.

No longer do we live in 38ft of tin can hell! The bus is dead long live the bus!

Fable goes that Ash was out the back of Skinnys having a joint last time we played there where he spotted a pair of legs flailing out of the top of a dumpster.Enter Sue.World traveler, stoner ,muso and dumpster diver.Her and Ash get on like a house on fire and now we live in one of her abodes.No shit,she has these 3 totally cool junked out pads in a row.We are 2 stumbling blocks from the studio.

Only this fuckin band! I swear.We have a living room fulla lawn furniture.Heaven.

I started throwing all my shit down this shady stairwell as soon as we got into the house.There was no way that the basement was not gonna be mine.No way.I cant even stand up down there and I dont give a shit.Kill the lights and you cant even see your hand in front of your face.I scored a matress off the junkie who did a runner on the place the week before [Read;he came around for it and I didnt give it back] so,off to the dollar shop with Miss Suzanne patron saint of flame… and 15 bucks later we have candles,tiger print walls and more incense than a San Francisco flop house in ’68.It smells like a hippy exploded down there.I wanna black light! Lotta Sabbath goin’ down..There are ciggerette burns all over everthing and I am feeling dangerous and listening to the New York Dolls a real lot.Fluro lights that flicker when ever Mikey walks across his Lime green room upstairs,Office style roof tiles and a dodgy Metallica mural in the boiler room.

I can imagine Blackie blanching at the sight of it [“Its gotta be asbestos Sis!!!”]

Ross wont even come down there.He just yells at me from the kitchen

Oh Fuck!!!

And a bathroom!!!! I decided to spend the whole nite in there when we moved in.Happily picking my dreads and a bath…ohhhh!!!!!…..my 1st bath [Not litrally mind!] Since The Ranch!!! Ross put a spell on me round 4am cause I did a M.Jackson and set my hair on fire but enough about that.In the spirit of hot water and shaving cream I attacked my legs for the 1st time in fuck knows how long.I mean there are only so many times you can do a shampoo mohalk and beat off before the water goes cold.

4 razors later and it looked like I had skinned a boar in the bath.

fun fun fun.

I let Miss Annie feel my pins up at the cafe today .

Being in a house is magic.I really dig band houses.All my best memories are tied in with them.[ The guitar god who never knew I was alive/bad speed/ black flag/ goon wine ] Growing up they were the hip hot spots to aim for.Ahhhh! Memories!Like a lazy sidestroke through a pool full of bong water.Picture me standing ouside in the snow,my nose pressed against the glass…hehehe….NOT ANY MORE!

So…on to the studio,We are now all set up in the main room that I call “The Church.”It really is.Sound proofed and blissful.I spend alot of time in there with the lights out and my guitar just singing for the love of it.Just to get to that place,ya know?.Mike and Ross are, in a word,Formidable.Its the dream you know? No rent,No job [No fuckin money!] But all you do is what you love.All you have to think about is the music.I cant belive that we got here.I am awe stuck alot more than I let on.Ash is driving himself hard as he can and I stay out of his evil Scorpio way and fancy myself in a movie staring ME! Fuck man! If you sikfuks could see this room! It really is the rock and roll wet dream 101.I sing “Gimme Shelter” at least once a day.

There are persian rugs all over the blonde wood floor and I sing perched on top of a Mesa bass cab.Tied a scarf around my mike today WITH ZERO IRONY! I mean,like I could give less of a shit about what is cool and what is not.I am all of The Rolling Stones and Aerosmith in one tonite.The alchemy is great.I feel like I could walk with fucking kings right now……

Some of the tracks still dont have names.See,what happens is that Ash calls them one thing and I have called them another and then we go to play them and I end up throwing pleading looks at Delux who tells me the 1st line as Mikey is counting it in.Although of late he just says “Its the depressing/slow/fast/unrequited one that you wrote about……” While the rest of the band snigger and roll their eyes ,then I go a funny shade of purple cause he is right.I have written a whole album [Well at least 6 whopper trax] about a crush.Oh ,and being a junkie [ago…] and other assorted sordid things.Shame Big Black took one of the best album titles ever. “Songs about fucking”. SORDID!!!!!!WOOOOOO!!!!!

‘Bout time is ya fuckin ask me!

[I doubt that I could ever explain it well enough for you to understand and not think that I am mental….but you have kept Me company throughout this album.I carry you into the studio everyday.I carry you and a world away I doubt that I even occur to you.The true irony my muse? You will never know.]

pathetic non?…oui.

Big themes?
regret [Working on having none.]
revenge [keeping the knife sharp and the list updated]
drugs [ Vale! my sodden lost love.]
lust [for a ciggerette more often than not]
saving graces [the things that go bump in the night]

So….It looks like I am gonna be on this side of the planet for a time….Michele Hemmingway? Ya never know.I am going shooting next week cause I am avoiding going back to NA.Low is not just a David Bowie album kids….but I trust in your knowledge of all that is dark.I respect yours and in turn you listen to me scream endlessly about mine.Anyway.I cant go back to meetings.Nothing worse than sitting round with a bunch of other fucking burnouts to make ya wanna top yorself,not without a ciggerette anyway!See! Ciggerettes saved my life.

I gotta sleep!
Ahhhh.
Princess and Co.
For what you did….
Y’all know who you are and the degree to which you got my back? I am forever in your debt.Thank you from the bottom of my black heart..

Miss Karen
Princess Jack
Miss Shelia
Perko
Miss Elz
Skot 01#
Miss Haunted
Chris
Miss Amilie
Miss Cass.
You restore faith ……I couldnt ask for more.
SF4L
Michele

It is easier to stay out than get out.

-Mark Twain.

Men must live and create.Live to the point of tears.
-Albert Camus [1962]

Fire dreams that liberate me.Fire the great leveler that does all the dirty work.Gets rid of my warped humanity.Wake up smelling like rotten leaves and ash in the cold darkness.Itching with fear.I wait for the sun to come up and tell myself that I am rested.

Padded by disorder and a dirty tired ache that knows me by name I tell my corpse that it will have to feed off its stockpiles cause I cant be bothered eating right now.Corrine and Jules give me some where to run and chai tea.

Miss Shelia, I know that I swore on a pinky promise to you,drunk and swaying on one of our last nights together that I would not cut my ears off but the pain is becomming so bad that I went and bought a scalpel.I cant sleep on my sides.Feel like comming back to Australia and buttfucking all the Drs that blew me of with a stainless steel chopstick.cunts.I have sat,weeping with pain in front of the mirror.I started on one and the pain was so great that I almost passed out.I will keep on ignoring it.Or courting it.

Miss S? I ask in advance for your forgivness.

I count on the little sleep that I can get to move me away from the grind of “Hurry up and wait” that takes up all my daylight.I walked into Ashleys studio yesterday.I had been doing my very best Taxi driver impersonation through the snow and I just ended up at his door.He smiled at me and got back to work. I camped on the floor for hours.No words exchanged.I snuck off to call my sisters shit phone that always comes up as engaged.Felt like crying but couldnt make the grade when Delux skulkes by my cubicle door looking kinda sheepish.We smiled.

The tin can that we call home has no heat at the moment.As I lie there in the bunk that is at least half a foot too short for me covered in borrowed blankets and atleast half my wardrobe, I recall all the letters that I have sent out .All the times that I have told myself and others ‘What are you prepared to do to get what you want?’ that is what keeps me going because there is nothing that I would not do.

I hate children.I got stuck baby sitting the other night.I will need years of therapy for this.One of them is crying at my feet as I write.All the parental units that I have encounted on this recon are all seemingly retarded by riguers of reproduction.They complain that they have no life and then when they get a day away all they do is talk about the kids.It is the thing that I WOULD wish on my worst enemies.

Had a charming coffee with Miss Annie at Blends yesterday before I enbarked on my “Damaged loaner meandering throuh show cursing god” mission.She is quite astounding.All of 16 and the smartest person I have run across in a while.Much better than baby talk and stale pee.I have just plugged back into music to save me from going postal.Mike and Delux have taken the bus out in the snow and black ice to dump the tanks and get gas.You truly work out the meaning of desperate when you cant pee on your bus at 2;41am and its minus 15 and snowing outside.I find myself shaking my fist at the skies quite alot.

Back to baby sitting.To any of you who know me …would you even trust me with your loin-loss for starters?…It was harrowing.Oh yeah…Babies dont like Machine Head.Well this one didnt.

I think that I have a hankering for a job that involves spitting ,ass cracks and a tool belt.Did some work on a event site the other day and with a ratchet? I am a god.Queen with a spanner.A greese monkey goddess….Sorry if I am getting carried away.Mikey was uninpressed with the forklift action.Its all for the greater good.I am donating my pay to our legal team as is the rest of the band.We are still in pre-pro right now and the real slog starts in about 10 days…

Which would go hand in hand with us moving out of our bus.I have been lucky enough to score sofasurfing points an a few houses that are thankfully free of offspring.I can hack a few weeks at Dylans as long as his lesbian kittens stop shagging each other in my dreads while I am passed out.Miss Suzanne has also extended a room to my bad self and an chance to play with fire.Miss S makes glass beads and the like.She bestowed an awsome broken heart necklace that I adore apon me for my always insufferable birthday.She is a pyromanic who is impressed my my trumped up arson charges.

Well met says I.

Looks like the B* is off to Japan.I am still hoping against all hope for a Xmas in La.Today I dont really give a fuck and as welcome as that might be it is also a dangerous state of little or no grace to find ones self in.Always an ugly thing trying to rope ones self in again.Got lonesome for the south the other nite at Mikes birthday party.I was telling someone the story that sums up what NOLA means to me.I was told once not to think of New Orleans as the most dangerous place in the US but the 4th safest in the carribean.Ya gotta love that.

Tell Me LA Sikfuks?
Did you find your own way here or was it via my sister.How is not important in the long run the fact is that you made it here.

Coffee shop shuts in an hour.I am gonna rug up and get the fuck out of here for a while.

You have sent me heaps and I havent put em up.

-Delux.

Thanks man.
-Me.

The whole band is rolling around me for the 1st time in days.Do I fit? Oh man…..not the way you want to be seeing your life …….I am writing y’all then going to train till I burst a blood vessel.I wish! That would be soooo nice right now.I am crap at taking it easy.Delux is about to drive Mike to jam in the doom-room [ not as cool as it sounds by a long shot.] so that means that me and Ash will be on the bus…I will be in and out as fast as…well,pick your fave fast thing and that is me.

I cant get a straight answer out of anyone.Makes me feel nuttier that squirrel shit at this point.

I really dont know where all of this is going right now.I am on some kind of spiral with out the joy of abundant drug abuse,worse luck.Do I sound weak? Well,I guess that I do.I like to think of it as honest.

The line that goes through my head?

Talkin’ loud aint sayin’ nothin…

I shaved Johnny a killer Mohalk the other night.Delux was baked…I dont have anything to really say to anyone right now.I get that way.If you were here you would see and belive it.I should have just shaved my head…Kerri told me that I would loose 20% of my body heat,not a good move in this point.So I am gonna dye it green instead.

When Dave talks I get about one word out of three so I just walk away.

I lie awake till all hours,the cats using me as a jungle gym, watching crappy cable TV.My head pounding and the light fucking its way across the walls.When I do pass out I end up screaming awake two hours later.

Dylans kittens are named after dope plants…somewhere right now I can see the Brittstar smiling.

I cant work out if I am sick of myself [ That one is in the lead tonight] Or sick of my situation.

Its summer somewher…not fuckin’ here.

I have got a really cool bunch of people putting up with me.We are getting an apartment this week! Yey! a bathroom!!! I asked for a walk in wardrobe to which Delux rather sniffingly replied “Sure! We will get you a maid too!”…Totally got me wrong as always…..I want to live in it….at least then I get a door.

I cant say anything right by Ross so I just sit out of all conversations now.Mikey has got a week lockdown to drum so I guess that I wont see him till recording starts.Ash and I clashed so badly a few days ago that I have not been back in the van in about 4 days.

Got a message from my sister telling me that she is going back to London.Crap.I have been trying to call her but no joy there.I wanted to go to Mexico with her.Hopefully she will be back in LA in time to save my rotten ass at xmas.Gotta call Gene.

There is a 6 week lay off that I did not know about.There is no point on Me heading back downunder.Cant do it.We are ment to be here to tour again in feb and those tix get mighty blingy for want of a better word.Delux is heading for London Mike to his woman,Ash I couldnt care less…..Me?

It will be one shitstorming adventure.

My Mate Ryan drunkenly muttered a job involving power tools on saturday nite with Tool blaring in the background.Ross did his cats ass face as I whopped like a cowboy.

Thank you for all of your letters and support.I dig that y’all still write me all the time.You are gonna get the best slab out of this.The trick being is for me not to die in the process…that would make tooo many cunts happy.

SF4L
Michele