You cant say we never tried..

-The Rolling Stones.

Stranded,Im so far from home.
-The Saints.

Watching you walk,you know your really attractive…
-The Sunnyboys.

At the back of my mind I hear the engines whine…
-Henry Rollins.

I enter anothers ground deeply,with many walled cities and towns at my back.
This is “Heavy”
-Sun Tzu.

“You shouldnt judge me”
“Then Prove Me wrong then, you sappy cunt”
-Conversation today.

Mikey had his copy of Back in Black on tape, so in our crappy hire van that kept pulling to the left we hit the road again……

Woke up to a letter from my 80 year old Grandmother.I dont know who it was for because it didnt really have much to do with me besides my name on the envelope.I dont think that I am anyone that any of them claim to know.Now more than ever.It dont worry me but I think that it tends to fuck with their atoms some.

About last night……

I am glad that they were with me cause there is some shit that no matter how well you write or how engaging your conversation that you could never describe…Shit so perfect and unto itsself that if the rest of my band didnt see it I would have thought that I drempt it…Some theing are got to bear witness to with your tribe….

It was 180 miles to the show and what felt like double back again.All the way down the coast to an irish bar called [what else?] “O’Malleys” in Grover Beach.Think the ‘Gong,Geelong or Newcastle I guess.
Small town fuckin’ anywhere….
At 4 somthing this morning I looked across the black ocean with the cliffs ready to fall at our left and the oil rigs like lit up lego deep off the coastal shelf to our right…A full moon on the water past the rich houses where we stopped at a private compound and peed on their flower beds…

Pink Floyd on the radio and we all sighed in different ways for different reasons because this is all that there is.
Aching first fight back and the ringing in my ears wont stop but this is the only thing that knows my name and dosnt want to fuck me over,that wont leave Me….
The life that I want.
A smart machine at war.

I was kinda pissed when people started walking out after the first few songs but then,all of the sudden, more people were there.A girl told me timidly as I was giving off steam in the car park after we came off that she and a few others called their friends as soon as we started.I was high on stage.Told em that they would be boasting about seeing us here.They loved it.Chicks touching my dreads like they were gonna get bit.The opening act The Carnies had a song that had the refrain “Its gonna be a bitchin summer…” which as you can imagine is my new call to arms….We sold out of what little merch we had left and are gonna do a CD burn for the up comming shows.

They didnt know what the fuck to make of us so nothing new there.

Cool seeing my boys all angry and dirty up there.We all needed it and it pulled us back into a unit.

[I will take it too far/its not a smile its a scar.]

If you cant be what you want pray tell Me, who the fuck are you gonna be? I know what I am I know what I can do.I cant take grey.If you are not with Me you are against me so fuck off.

Grey is what wants to kill me the most.Grey is the enemy.

Time is fleeting and I am getting hot footed and freaked out.When and where are we gonna be playing again after this month??.Europe could be so cool but I want to be in California for the summer.My corpse is laughing at me as I was not ready last night.Its goading me telling me that I am not worthy of being up there if I cant deliver .The ache feels good cause it reaches me through all my defences.It will kill me or I will accept the challange.My Abbs are terroized.I forgot how much of my body I really use up there so consider me told.

I gotta do somthing about the conditon of my condition so many emails are gonna get fired this week to Drs round the way.I have been putting so much off for so long and I guess that if it was only about me I wouldnt care but I got a platoon .I have more outside of my selfish circle.I fuckin hate Doctors.

All I know is this is what I am ment to do.

Search and Destroy.
-Iggy Pop.

Mikey asked Me if I “…had enough hate” refering to getting back up there after ..well…shit…And I thought about it and I have been doing myself a massive dis-service.I got bogged under greif rather than high on anger and hatred.

Silly rabbit.

I got into a fight even before the show started [Angry wife in car park calling me out/ backed down when she saw the size of me/take your domestic crap away from me/you cunts/I rolled my eyes and left thenm to it]
Which I think kind of impressed the bar staff and amused my band but it made me ill to tell you the truth.Made me feel like all the gates were open and defences were low.I am a shit magnet by nature and I am never gonna turn that down or back off but as we are all to painfully aware now being yourself can get you killed.If that ,being said ,is what it is? Its more of a war than I first belived.I have been whupped before and I have given some back but fight dont be a faggot and hide behind a gun…..

She came back and watched me play then wanted to be friends.I fuckin hate civillians……..

Makes me long for the land of my birth in an odd way.Kick the shit out of each other and then go back to the bar.

So I hung with some good people and signed alot of stuff.Sang as well as I could with a head cold and a shocking PA and admired my brothers filthy playing.NOLA was as always a clusterfuck.We went to the 7-11 after the show to get shit coffee and the indian guy asked if we were the band that kids were talikng about that had just played.Rock stardom by the hot dog broiler.Hola.

Classic radio all the way home.Highlights?
Pink Floyd
Yes
Skynard
Led Zep
Tom Petty
Stevie ray Vaughn
The police.
Stevie Wonder

Sweeeeet.

I love the add for the hip hop station in Hollywood “All that is good today and from back in the day!”

I start singing that “Soul glo” add from “Comming to America”

Mikey reminded me that when we all started this almost 5 years and 3 albums ago that I always said that we would be in America doing this.And I did.I used to say it so much because I needed to belive in it just as much myself.All the shit that we did and are gonna have to keep doing.The ebb and flow of the 4 headed hydra that we are.

On stage one day and working in a carwash the next. Keeps you hungry if it dont break you first.

I am home alone tonite.3 and Rockstar Shane have gone to Hollywood and Sin is doin her thing,the B* is high somewhere in the guts of London and I think my boys are at a kegger.I am sure that I was ment to be somewhere but I would rather be here with you.I woke up with Shane jumping on me and I was so tired.I slept from about 7 this morning till about that same tonite.I got the dogs for company and I wanna crash again real soon.The house is a brothel and while me and Sin dont mind it makes 3 a bit sniffy.Poor fucker.2 gold dust women in his living room for months on end.Bah! They will miss me whan I bail…or so I like to think.

Gotta take a slash gimme a sec….

Had 2 girls wanting to take me home last night.I looked behind me to see who they were talking to.Kept tryin to touch me.I declined.Too wrapped up in my imagaination and the one that I pine for to fuck around on the road.I blushed and looked rather unsuave about the whole thing.
I dont think that they really ment it anyway .The last time I got in on with someone at a show she just took my hand and bewitched me out into the back ally.Fuckin Minx.It was over so fast and as good as it was it put me off all at the same time.

They dont really want you.They just want to be seen with you and what they just saw.Never look at me untill after they have seen Me up there….

Van talk was all about that.Ash said the last woman who held his attention was a german biochemist who called him silly.I can see how that would work.Mike has got his beloved Lex back in Sydney and Delux and Demon are the surest thing I belive in.With or without glitter.
I revolve around my sister,or I did,I have learnt alot…of what I have to let go of….

I still want the one who does not want Me.
I still have the same old dog eared black and white snapshot of us from the Manning bar in the summer of 03′.That photo has been more places than you……

My motivation zero/everyone needs a broken hero…..

The mental cases upstairs are doing their midnight furniture moving to hard core gansta rap yet again.

I have a clear target which is all I hoped to get from last night.

So strange being able to see what was going on.I dont know if I really like it or not yet.

Ok ……Heres another one for ya…

Ash hit Me with the bomb that we were gonna write more for the album when we got to Canada.So he fucked round for a week and then called me in.I dont know what drugs contributed to this one but it was new wave disco all the way.

I wrote my part in it in Kings cross after some evil flirting had taken a bite out of my ass…and I kept going back for more….Fool.

We both name songs different thing while we are recording which gets confusing but after we tracked this I dubbed it “Rod Fuckin Stuart” .Its got nothing to do with the lyrics at all but I cant think of one good reason to change it.Its sleezy and it makes me think of fucking/blacklight posters/methamphedimine/wine coolers and the dopey cunt that I wrote it about but could never…minger!..BAH!…who cares ??! Read the fuckin words then when we drop it live you will look clever singin along.

We always do what ever the fuck we want musically as a band,We always have and if you dont get it I couldnt give a shit… but that being a fact it still made me smile with glee to think of all the so called metal purists that are gonna have smoke pissing out of their ears when they hear this one….

I give you..

-Rod-Fuckin’-Stuart.

You
You want me to want you
So that you can hurt me
be the one to desert me

But Im quick to your Plan
And I know what your doin’
and you cant ruin a ruin…..

Nothin’ left here for a theif like you
and I like you??!!
God help me but I do

How to get me
how to let me let you get me….

I gotta lie down
I feel like Im gonna drown
Turn around and let you?
At this rate I wont live long enough to regret you

There will never be enough love here for me
look all you want and you will never see what I see

I file all that I once loved
under regret
that way I wont forget how bad it is

and it really is…..

Later.
SF4L
Michele.

California.

Gonna send you back to wherever the hell it was you came,
Then im gonna get this tattoo changed to another girls name.
-The Cruel Sea.

Dont be so reckless,
Throw down your gun..
-Australian Crawl.

Be direct,usually one can accomplish more that way.
-My last fortune cookie.

I cant remember if I have given you this one yet so I am gonna blame it on my looming insanity and the fact that I live in a country that has spray on fake butter.
I rest my case.
Now read on.

The beginning of this song was written while I was loitering round seedy places in St Kilda on a Melbourne tour on my shitty birthday in 03′. I found it ,or some of it written on a menu when I moved into The shed and thats when it came to life.

Ash was pushing these huge Sabbath tones and I was of the mind that slower is heavier.

It took from the get go and it has become one of the best moments for Me live.If ya dont know what L.A.M.F stands for? Ask me next time ya see Me…

NOLA [L.A.M.F]

When the dust clears
and you come up for air
through the carnage
guess what?
I’ll still be there.

Hammer your drugs
drink your beer
beat on your bitch
guess what fucker..
Im still here.

Im more of a man than you’ll ever be
Keep your bouquet of bullshit
You only get one hit for free
I could walk away
and let you think Im done
well thats a nice theory tiger
But guess what?
Im not fuckin done.

White wife beater
religious meet and greeter
What sharp teeth youve got
All the better to eat her

Kiss the girls and make them cry
smile its easy peasy pie
hit me again
I wont cry

Born to live born to die

Is that all you got???
Is that the best you can do???

…………………………………..

There are no veiled references left in Me.Miss S of the tundras tells Me the reason that all the people I know fuck each other in leiu of me is some twisted groupie thing which made me smile.In my dreams find myself with her being un PC and playing with glass,spicy and adored.I miss my frozen friend.

I thought that I was burnt out but its only a scald.I am not dumb enough for California.It does keep my hatred nice and sharp so I am looking at that above all.

….Down on La Brea the barista knows my name and my order and I pollute just by existing,just like all the other kamakaze human roaches on the Strip.The most shocking thing that you can do is be polite.Two dollars by The Music box gets you the best re-fried beans in town and as we sat at the bar with our huge tangled joint existance, Skynrd told us that “Tuesdays gone with the wind….” I stared at our reflection between the dusty bottles lining the mirrored wall and belived for a split second with my brothers I can never die…

There are people who are aware,Who have listened. [Pony up to the truth/An honest buyer needs a liar.] The tattoo on her ass reads “Slave”.
Its a long story she tells Me.I think to myself That most of them are but its the one liners that own me.Fit my skin.I could carry a perfect paragraph into my daily war like a sheild.

And I do.

Before I dont adore…. I want you to know…Before I get mean…I want you know…

Vancouver September somthing 04′
[On the floor at The Brickyard listening to Gene H do his soundcheck]

Bah! This pen is shit and I am hungry horny and aggro in that order.Shouldnt be.I beat off in the shower this morning…oh well…G’s drums are too massive sounding for this room…wonder where my band are…

Ahhh! The object of my blind affection.

When you play I watch your arms,your hands.The sounds that you choke out of your Gibson the sea of fans parting at your feet.I ride the wave and belive. We write and I spark like the 4th of July.I dont know why it means so much comming from you I just know that it does.3 years I have indulged my missguided longing for you.Your confidence,your sand dry wit,worlds move,plates shift and as empty and stupid as it can all get,I belive in the effort of wanting you.
I like the shape,the texture and the color.
The last time you played a big show in my old hometown I wanted you to roll home with me.
I could have sat with you in the dark,the gulls stoned on trash,pulling blind figure 8’s over the Glebe point bridge framed by the window that sold me the room in the 1st place.I could come to the image of kissing your palm,wet open mouthed,tounge pointed and curious against your lifeline…..
Pupils dialated.You sweat pure THC and I pull the phone out of the wall.

We are infinate and feeding on the inevitable.

I just saw a rat run over my backpack and we dont play for hours.I would send him this but I dont have the guts.I am far too in awe of him.Wonder what hes up to? I am gonna have that visual in my cracked fuckin head all nite.Gene just pointed at me and winked which he knows always cracks me up when he is playing.
………………………………………..
Now back to LA meantime shall we?

Hey Rock star?
Issue monger?
Tool
You are nothin’ special
And you sound dumb as dog shit
When you attempt to elevate what you are and do
You are not holy
You are no better than me
Than him and her get up there and do it Make it real I want to belive you but your press blows dogs You are not a “Conduit” An “Artist” You play in a fuckin band and I paid 10 bucks to see you do that. So fuckin do it and fuck off…….

Nothin’ worse than whining musos.You have got the deal that I would kill for and all you do with it is hang round drunk.I watched you as you signed their CDs…you never made eye contact with them once.You put the “Hole” back in “Asshole” thats for sure.I am not gonna name you cause you are comming undone anyway I just feel sorry for the kids that fell for you.I will pick em up after you drop em with your self indulgent shit…If I had a 100th of the resourses that you fritter away on a daily basis I would own you.

Sure,I whine.But NEVER about the sonics…My life ? Sure.
But never the road..never the shows…never the tribe…
That is the only good thing that I have and if its all to much for you?? Step aside and make way for the real deal.I have more time for the road crews and tee shirt vendors than I will ever have for you.Do you even know the name of your fuckin driver? The people who get you there?.

Burn on it.

Fuck em……back to my other useless shit….

I was a shoo in to be the next Pope I tell ya! I was so sure of it…The envoy rolling into Dukes on the strip while I laboured over my hello kitty note book listening to Coltane do “My Favorate Things”…

Do you have any idea how much cool shit the catholic church hides from the rest of the world???.And they reckon that the Nazis did a number on art treasues during the 2nd world war? Novices compared to what the last 10 pontifs have kept under their skirts thats for sure.God! I havent thought about this shit since drunken fights with irish uni students in NYC.

Why am I on about this?

Truth??
I have no fuckin idea.

Wait!!!!!

Nope,nope…no fuckin clue.

[What would I return to?]

I woke up to a conversation about ingesting a small ammount of mushrooms [ count me out…] to go an see “Hichhikers guide”
[ “Not enough to make the walls melt or nothin!”]. It was Sin and my Sister.
Yes…The sister who was ment to be in London right now..sitting on the end of our bed???..let me back up a touch…and how did I get food on this CD??….Hold on….

I passed out yesterday round noon ,sick and blah blah blah…my most mohawked roommates roll in 2 hours later and woke me up via x-box,silly voices and happiness that I did not begrudge them cause they have been having a rather crap time of it all of late…..

So I passed back out for a little while longer and woke up when the door opened.We all looked at each other like “No Way” when in gangled the B* all blonde and dark glasses and totally pissed off….

” Dont fuckin ask….” She intoned from the doorway.I didnt! I was too shocked and I knew that in a few cones time she would inpart the whole sorry tale…

She blames missing her flight on the fact that there are no loud speakers in The Burger King at LAX “I am never eating chicken tenders again” she glowered darkly as I looked up from my nest of blankets and filthy teeshirts slack jawed and Sin packed her a bowl.

My sister is a Diva.
We are talking about a woman who will not board a plane till she hears her name..She is more of a fuckin rock star than I will ever be..Fast foward….It was all too much for me so I passed out again and woke up at 2 in the morning thinking that it was much earlier and she was off again…off to Dallas to spend 10 hours with her suitcase and then onward to London.

I feel bad for Sin and 3 cause they are stuck with the boring sister now….

Ross seems to be on the up and up which is good…I told him that I was gonna be in Hollywood last night but when this broken machine decides that it wants to sleep about 3 times a month? There is not a damn thing I can do about it…I think the dog is eating out of the trash again and I cant be fucked doing my hair….Listening to The Angry Samoans and the rest of the house is passed out.

First gig on Friday and I have been waiting so fucking long. Ross is a bit pissed at me and my health I think. We have that in common.I would hate being in a band with me no doubt…I have been hanging for this [playing again..] after that fat fuck in calgary lied about so many shows…So I am trying to stay cool…Never one of my blinding strong spots to be sure…I dunno who we are on with and this point I dont really give a fuck…I cant even remember what I am doing….

Lets hope that its like riding a bike…some one told me that sex was like riding a bike…Lets hope not cause the last fuck I had was a shocker…and I can still ride..a bike?…huh.Excuse all this drivel…I feel so fucked up….and I didnt even get to have a good time to get here.

Drugs I miss:-
1] Lust
2] Ignorance
3] Morphine
4] Jack Daniels
5] Beauty
6] Ciggerettes
7] Chalk
8] Coke,sometimes….
9] Dream free sleep
10] Pills
11] Money

Got an email from my long lost baby brother Jr who you may remember was given the nickname “Hero” by his mates…He is bumming around in Orlando I think..Then somthing about the wilds of South america…happy trails…I like him alot because we dont pretend to be what we are not…On the family front I have not heard from my big brother in a while so I dunno what he is up too…just know that I miss him and his spitfire wife….Saint Tina is well…and I am now listening to a dub reggae mix…

C-Dub is bestowing some of his dreads on me.Fuckin cool! He made me swear not to so any crazy voodoo shit on them which had not crossed my mind untill he brought it up! He is one of the most solid people I know in LA and he said that he would keep an eye on me while The B* trips the light fantastic all over Europe with the ever suave Cary.

Hair is pretty powerful shit and for some reason the people who are dear to me keep giving me theirs.I just dread em in with the existing mess on my head.I really have to get my visual shit a bit tighter.

Randomness.
1#
Steve-O is really nice and I dont think that he knew quite what to make of Me.You cannot sway Me on my “All famous people are tiny” Theory.

2#
It has been well over a year since I spoke to my former best friend.I was listening to “Roots” and it hit me like a shot gun blast.His girlfriend and my long suffering St Tina tried to get us to hook back up but he has the Madden slackness running like poison in his veins.Sure,I miss him but you roll on….

3#
I am sick of beautiful skinny people complaining.I have been slapping them silly.I like it…The belting them part I mean.

4#
Leif is finally playing again.I cant wait to be in the front row for him someday just like he has been for me for so many years.

5#
Tattoos…You will just have to wait and see wont ya…

6#
Q-Why does Snoop dogg carry an umbrella? A-Fo’ Drizzle.
[Told to me in a parking lot off Sunset by a hot drummer boy]

7#
My new sunnies rule.They were the biggest and blackest ones in the shop and hide more sins than the guards at The vatican city.

3 just walked out and scared the crap out of Me on his way to work.I sit here typing with my disc man on full blast so that may have somthing to do with it…he has one of the all time coolest jobs if you are into this kind of thing…he works for x-box and sits around playing games all day…for money…I guess my version of that would be to own a second hand book store and be totally rude to people all day.I would settle for just getting paid to be a cunt…

Which is ,I guess what I am aiming for…Get the deal that we want and get paid to do what I do.Mikey has another tour to do in June through Australia so I dunno where I am gonna end up…It dont matter ,not really.For all of the shit that goes with it? I would not trade my pirates lfe in for anything. Look at it…I answer to myself and my 3 brothers who make me come true in vans and shitty venues,3 men who give me the only reason I will ever need.I own nothing and have no ties.Live on my dim wits and stolen produce.Got a hot sister who everyone wants to fuck so they are nice to me and do all they can trying to get into her pants so I use em up faster than rubbers at a gang bang.Back stage passes…No kids,no car repayments….

No hope at four in the morning most nights as well but I know where I am gonna pitch my tent…I will let them raise the bar and I will kill myself getting to it.

At least when my number is up I will go out knowing that I followed somthing that make me live my time out swinging.

Got some pix back from the last show in Australia and I was a wraith! Fuck it!!I have finally got the monster body and cant get laid! Nowhere near as fat as I was pre LA.I have lost the equivilent of a 2 year old since I fled Canada!!!

I do think about what is gonna be like to get back to Australia.How big it is down there.Giving you guys the tour to say thank you.Just to keep it all rolling and growing.

Just bit my lip so I am tasting copper and my ass is numb.

Sorry if its taking me a while to get back to y’all.I cant get Hotmail at home so I have to wait till I get up to Hollywood and shit.

Gonna go and Pass out with the dog and dream on.

SF4L
Michele

I know who you are and I know what they call you girl,

Im just like you baby,Im on the hunt…
-Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Im above
Over you Im standing above
Claiming unconditional love
Im above…..
-Mad Season.

Now here you go again you say you want your freedom…
-Fleetwood Mac.

Yeah
I wanna cut my heart out every time
Love is deaf dumb and stupid not only blind… -Tourettes.

Its all what it is and I try to roll like thunder at 6 in the morning while she tries to get some sleep. My tounge entertains its self on my broken tooth that clicks like a lock in my jaw.
I was in and out of horror dreams all night.The B* woke me up round 9 and I called our bass god sick as a dog.I had no idea that it was possible to hear someone rolling their eyes over the phone but you learn somthing new everyday…I am still trying to hook up a kit….I met a drummer from Sydney tonight called Sash who was all over the Hanging Tree back in the day.Now that was a killer band.Sue me but when he said he had heard of us it made me smile and I am gonna get and take my kicks where ever the fuck I can at this point even outside The Viper room on a tuesday night…

Our stickers are everywhere now….

This was going down when I was also chatting to a Jeff Spicoli clone [“Aloha Mr Hand!”] called Gary whos band The Angry Beaver is playing at Jumbos Clown room tommrow night.That is the strip club where the mighty Miss C.Love got her chops up to pay for the dream….The Viper is kinda like the LA version of Club 77 for those of you who know Sydney.All these “would bes” [Yeah,thats Me…] and “has beens” [The list is almost as long as my million years and 6’3 frame…]

But I still shiver when I sit on the pavement while my friends smoke and wonder where it was exactly that River did an Elvis and bailed on Gen X….
So long ago…

[I dreamt of you last night,fast and thin.The houses where we fucked and how I lost you.Different grey light and no matter how we hurried we could never catch each other for long.]

And on to our up comming show at the Cat Club on Sunset.I file sentences like that under “Small victories”.The milestones that keep you running.Just knowing that I was right even when I was wrong.Have you ever had that? I am sure that you now what I mean ’cause you usally do…

I have a real issue with Emo haircuts and drummers who are too hot…well the second one is not that bad cause I dont have a heart to break.

Sue me but I have been evil…
Let me learn you a thing…or some of the shit that I watch,play see and write about……

California.
Lotusland.

No one here is really from here and if they are they tend to have a thousand yard stare and a pill habit… here we are…and him…and her …and them…get a million monkeys to type that last sentence and you would have the paperchace of heartbreak right there…..
All here have to belive unflinching-ly ,at all times,that they are the chosen one.You have every hometown hero on the strip pimping their dreams with a bottle of Nighttrain in one hand and a copy of “The dirt” By Motley Crue in the other…

They will sell you what they are within the 1st 15 sec and glaze over unless the subject boomerrangs back to them with in the same time frame.

Hence?

“Great big whopping porky pies that I have told barhopping in LA”
By Michele Madden aged 19 and 2/5ths

“I am a drum tech for a blind big band of albinos”

“The church was restricting my interests in blood play and human sacrifice so I told then to shove it and left”

“When the circus disbanded I gave up fire eating for good….”

“I just got back from teaching french at Yale”

“No! Really! that sounds fuckin awsome!!!”

“I am lucky that it was only manslaughter in retrospect….”

“Liontraining IS hard work,dont get me wrong…”

“Your right! In this light you DO look like Madonna Jose!”

My point being that you can say anthing and they dont give a fuck.
Why?
Cause no one listens…
‘Cept me…and I write it ALL down….

Cant remember who said it, but, a good artist borrows…and a great artist steals…

So, I guess that it is possible that you are in a song that I have written some where along the line…My boys are telling Me to push it and in My own dodgy way I do and I am.

The cheapest fun I have been having is listening to wanna be rock gods who file me under “Alt Chick who knows toooo much about music and MAY fuck if she thinks I am good enough…”

You can never know enough about music and no ,I wont fuck ya….

What they would file Me under if the knew the truth is “Public Enemy No1#”

In a nutshell? I NEVER tell them that I am in a band and entertain myself on them trying to hook me in…. Some sample lines??
Dont mind if I do….

Lemme set the scene a little…..

Seedy bar
Them drunk
Me sober
Them loud
Me?
Taking notes and liberties

Me all big blue eyes and whatnot after listening to them talk about the …..
“Thrill of being up there babe…I mean…You would not understand…you have to do it!!!..100 kids there for you..”

“No way!!!” gasps Me as big man on campus leans back into his LA Forum fantasy..

“100 kids all to see you! Whats it like??’I sigh batting my clotted lashes. [Give em enough rope…]

Hone your hate,see what you dont want to be,pit yourself against it…..

Ok,Ok… so its wrong [yawn…] and mean [meh…] but so is being sober in sin city and a girl gets bored….

I have been told that when they make it that I will “…..have a freeride babe…I wrote this track about you…I cant belive that you dont wanna do acting or somthing…..”

Sorry to fuck with the flow here but DAMN Tumbleweed ruled! Back to our regular program….

It never fails to amaze and amuse me listening to the shit that people will spin to get a fuck.I am interesting to them because I sit in dim lit booths and write…They write bad songs about me and lay them at my converse clad feet…mash notes and flyers bearing phone numbers…they wont remember me…too many brighter bulbs to fly around…

Just let people admire themselves in the reflection you provide and write it all down…

Not to say that their are not times when I dont go all out….heres a Dinger for y’all….

Being that it was the B*s last nite in town she woke my snot stuffed self up and got me mobilised to the strip…And there is my future brother in law looking dapper outside..Hey C dub! Tickets and stamps and all the red lit shit that makes daylight almost worth it…Emo kids all over the place springing up like somber ‘shrooms under the weight of hoodie wearing Hot topic tears…I am gonna carry shears round and start ridding the world of retro fringes…I digress. Moi and sis were lary as all fuck tonite and no one was safe …Good to have a few yanks on our team who get that irony is not the art of pressing shits…

Pizza and bullshit reign…

[ Oh man how I want to stay…]

Night over…dope smoked in carparks and girls looking at my sister with ill concealed hate while their dates wilt in her company and I laugh and spin in circles head back and smiling….

Bands loading up and out when out of the corner of my eye….into the Liquor store…”NO WAY!!!”…”Cmon dick!’ Yells my fearless sister at my pale face pulling me by the arm…

What would you say to Billy Gibbons Form ZZ top at 2 in the morning?
Lets just say that I was thinking on my feet and having a low grade fanboy freak out…. I think that he liked that I called him “Sir” and thanked him….Gave me a big hug and asked where we were playing…turns out that his mate owns the Cat Club….I had the goofiest look on my face…Then He invited back to his place for breakfast….!!!…Omlettes with a God!!!!!!……I told him that it was on me after our show…

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I did my stupid hoon dance after we said goodnight…Anyone who saw me after Slayer knows this dance…very wrong!

We then jumped in a cab and sang “Tush” at the top of our lungs all the way up to La Brea.

That is the kind of shit that finds you blessed…I am never not gonna be a fan even when my nerves are on warp speed…I will always thank the people who have made my world a better place…its a sacred bond….I feel it as hard as you do and its the food of the muses that keeps all the players playing…it adds up….I keep all that shit close to me…The pictures that I have with my heroes…the stuff y’all write and make me…

It has to go in circles….

Billy Gibbons is a legend and he wanted to cook me fuckin breakfast! The angels wept!!!!

Mkes up for my toothache and head cold all the fuckin way!

I got 10 bucks out of a scared tourist the other night.He took a picture of me sitting on the pavement near the Aladdin….just call me local flavor!…. ’cause I had all my hair up and ink out I guess….. I thought of him going back to Japan and showing my photo to his friends …

“Look at cwazy cawlifornian person!..”

Heheh….

IT reminded me of the Punx in London doing the same…I wonder how low and shameless I can go and I know that this is what is ment to be happening…I yelled at him and he gave me 10 bucks.

And bowed…
So I bowed back and smiled.

Then I went and sat in the window at Hamburger hamlet and wrote.

When in Rome right?

I rule.
Who cares.

SF4L
Michele.

And as we wind on down the road…

-Led Zeplin.

Here I am awake after 2 hours sleep and when I cough all I can do is taste the infection that sits apon my chest like a lazy toad,evil,green and seething.I spoke to my boys last night and I am trying to secure a drum kit for a show that we have next monday.My sister leaves for London tommrow and its all so large is it not?
She is on the phone to Ted right now and we are ment to be going to a show that C Dub is putting on at the Viper room tonite but to tell you the truth my focus is in a custody battle.
I have to go and jump on her…back in a sec….

I think alot about my failing health and how much better I felt when I just did what I wanted! Aint that a bitch…I think about Gooch and how he gets the shits with Me cause I have not been out to see him yet….About how if I REALLY wanted to give myself the gift that keeps giving I would be on the way to Mexico right now to find Jim on the 7 mile snake…Thinkin about Tammy from Long Beach who wants to push the fuck out of us even when we are not in the states..Think of all the miles my life is gonna show me,How we may be heading to Europe and stuff…Delux talking about some shows in punk enclaves and me being Butt hurt over all the winters that befall Me.

Ah my boys,My brothers.The room they are is is tiny and the place they stay a magnet for wild eyed army deserter,Wanna be bohos,chancers,crack heads and broken dream wrangelers.I would be beating the shit outta 24oz Buds as well.Mikey? If I did not have to sing [When? Where ? how?…….] I would be smoking as well so have one for me.

I was sitting at the Bus stop the other morning after no sleep,the sun poking me with cold fire when a toothless homeless guy offered me his spot in the Hostel down the road.As always the ones that socity percive to be the scum treat me like gold.That also goes to show you how mental beyond the point of no return I am looking.The dogs rip the bottom of my 10 Vancouver specials for fun so I look like i have been sleeping in the great outdoors.Even the geek squad who are lined up and camping on Hollywood for the 1st Star wars tix wrinkle their noses…You have hit fantastic levels of anti social disaray when a fat kid in a darth maul teeshirt looks down at you.I am happy with this chain of events.

Hung out with Miss Otep the other night.Nice lady.I dont think that she really knew what the fuck to make of me in her Jagermeister fog as we sat on Joey Jordensons tour bus as evil J fell in love with my baby sister all over again.Bah! Rock and roll my friends…
So I hear that daysend are comming out on the road.Well met.
Different shapes I think as The guys from Shadows fall look at me funny
“And you are?”
“No one important” I say and my sister gives me a deathstare….

In that drunk eternal place I dont really care.The world waits for us all and revoles around you.I just called Ross with my crap timing and he will get back to me…

Lemme tell you about one of the fab things about LA.Or some of them….
little fables from the land of fuck….

So …
I end up back at my Beloved Whiskey with 3 on Saturaday night to catch the Best Van Halen cover band in LA,The Atomic Punks.If I shut my eyes???It WAS VH… Now ya’ll know that I dont do that whole “I am too cool to get into it” thing so Dreads a flutter I was into the pit and doing the “Hot For Teacher” finger waggle.Now here is where it gets peachy…Jani Lane from Warrant gets up and does “Ice cream man” and then they break into “Down boys” and do the dance as well…Now there I am.Girl fom loserville Australia,broke and stessed in the middle of the Dance floor at The Whiskey on Sunset and its ALL that…Rock saves kids…

2#
Califonia! The porn capital of the world where you get arrested for sunbathing topless.Jay walk and it costs you 200 bucks but if you can prove to a Dr that you need it you can get supplied with a…wait for it…medicinal Pot card…You take yourself and the card to a shop where you buy pure THC choclate and huge bags of fragrant purple buds that stick to your fingers…Cops pull you over? No problemo! You have the card.!. LA is where stoners come to die.

3#
Rollins played in Santa Monica.I was not there.Its Cruel.I am in the town were it all goes down with no resourses.I must have been horrific in my last life….

Gonna go and watch porn and try and get some sleep.
More later.
SF4L
Michele

Hollywood.

Many trees are moving
He is approaching

Many obstacles in thick grass
He is missleading us

Birds rise up
He is concealing himself

Animals are startled
He is launching a total assult
-Sun Tzu.

A breif run down…… 1] I met Obituary…..WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
2] See point one again…..
3] Ross is going postal in Hollywood even if I buy him burritos and beer.
4] Mikey is loitering around the food court at the Beverly center stealing food and I could not be prouder.
5]Ash is embracing life as a backpacker…Drunk and talking shit…je adore….
6] Mixes back from London made me get all choked up.Marsden mixed them on the SOAD board and they KILL.
7] No deal yet…sigh….
8] Your dreads can NEVER be feral enough.
9] Miss Von D,Ink slinging goddess,is busting my chops to get more work…just gotta rob a bank….
10] My sister is anorexic and I am not,She leaves for London next week…Boo!
11] Having no money when alone is a hassle…your whole band being broke eats shit on a stick.
12] Gave Cory and Joey [‘Knot] our new DVD and was not above begging for a tour…What do I give a shit? I want what I want……

See,what happens when I dont spew up here is that stuff happens and I dont capture it all.Sick of most of the pig fucking bottom feeders in the music biz.There are alot of them as well.
I am kinda hoping that I get cut short here tonite as I told my band that I would meet em at the Whiskey and I am still stranded at home with no phone.3 should be back soon and I know that my boys wanna meet him.

Miss Billi is still in Berlin but for how much longer is unknown.Shine down midnight on all my fucked up mates and their excessive lives…

So the squat in Brixton looks like the go although my boys are talking of tours closer to home…another fucking winter..I could handle Japan right now..I dont want to leave lotusland just yet….I think that Ross is going spare living at the student inn…I am not rolling large or anything so what can ya do?

Still comming down after seeing Slipknot at The Forum. I am gonna have to fill y’all in best I can but excuse my wandering mind today…..

I dunno what the fuck I want to tell ya.I am not stopping…its never gonna stop…I just want someone to see what we are and get behind it…Whatever…I stole my sisters phone while she was asleep this morning and called the Delux…me sleepless as always…he sounded so hacked off about it all…which then sent me into stressful places that I could have done with out meandering through…I dont really give a fuck where I am as I dont like myself anywhere I fuckin go and I admit if I was living with my band right now I would be feeling pretty bleak….But they are my brothers and I will die for them….

I am just trying to focus on the fact that we play again soon….
And think about all the middle of the road cunts that take no risk and get all the spoils….ass licking corpse fucking monkeys….

3 just got home so I am gonna pick my dreads and go out.

Dont get none on ya and if you are bored write to Blunt and shit and tell em how great we are…go hard on our behalf…do it while I cant…I owe ya all my lifetime….you ARE Project Mayhem…Hollywood death punx forever motherfuckers…write K.West tell him to stick us on the BDO..Write rage,Flood em…..All the shit that you do no matter how small adds up and gives me faith….

Go hard or go home.
SF4L
Michele.

[insomnia reigns lord and master..]

Envy
Gluttony
Pride
Lust
Wrath
Sloth
Greed.

People who dot their ‘I’s” with circles make me itch.

I smoked Kents then….I was a child.
On the night they asked me what I had taken,what I was on,I recited a cold list a pharmicutial litany and left the room.She cried.I dont think that I did. After the fact I sat on the floor in my closet,a mountain of shoes piled at my feet…My name written over and over on the walls.I looked up into my hung clothes,The Rolling Stones faint outside the door and I ran the orange cap of My last fit over chapped lips like a poison lipstick.The ugliness of surbubia looming like a raven….

….she said leavin soft Broken teeth,eyes stiched shut,comacoam coma china white monkey girl lost bones rotting wet tiles razor dropped neon scars she fucked him ahead of time fated said she never should have tried to be me and i laughed a road out of my big rotten mouth and ran down it my feet burning waving at the crowd not that you expect anyone to fix it did you? I didnt think so i didnt know what you ment but I was super lucky for you like a charm on 7 on the one we jump ok? hello?…he-llo? is there anyone there?

I have that feeling that you get when you smoke a whole pack at a wake.
When some one asks you “What are you thinking?” and you tell them the truth.
I curse my faulty wiring and The black spots that fall like metal static every time I shift my gaze.Its 10 in the morning here and I cant go and lie down again,I just cant….I feel like there is a small animal trying to eat its way out of my chest cavity.Today eats a bowl of steaming dick.
What can I do?.

cant sleepaginagainagain….

I could do what everyone else did but you and I both know I would rather be this small and this hurt than cop out.I am trying to recall when the force of me became so fucking still.I need jumper leads.3 told me that he needs me round.He is cool but I am a fuck up.Sin is amazing,she is so small,makes me feel like a huge lumbering animal when she puts her hand on mine.

My sister is looking at me with a distain that I guess is a sadistic way I encourged.Cause I am down in that hole babe.Have my wings been “So denied” Layne? Is that It?

Fuck I feel ill.Life will kill you in the end.

The boys get here today and I know that is another reason that I cant turn My head off.I dunno what time they are getting here.Little or no fear of the house waking up as Hash chocolate was consumed all night.I keep going through the small ammout of shit that I still own and throw shit out.How low can you go.All? Nothing? I am being trailed by a hellhound so I dont think that it really matters anymore.

But still y’all write me.I am lucky.Thats why I spill up here.You wouldnt want me to lie to y’all now would ya? I cant.I am too busy fucking myself in the ass.Tough? I dont think so and I never clamied to be.Strong.Like a cockroach…Me,Cher and the roaches will be the only thing left after the big bang.

My somewhat inert stress filled existance.In a month I have to bail again.My sister is out to London again in 20 days.I could follow her out I guess….I am all about Bowie in Berlin…Miss Alexx may be there at the same time….Waiting on Miss Billie to contact me with possible floorage details….

Have you ever wanted to peel your whole body and start again or is that just me? I have not left the house in a week…it all bleeds together.

Like I wasnt gonna do this life time to myself.I lie there, my eyes making small dry clicks, and I think about what lead me to this.To want to be this so badly and all I could come up with was that no matter how shit the grind is when I am up there I am at some kind of truce with myself.

So many times I could have made it easy on myself and when I am this broken I curse myself out.Its all so vivid to me…I cant get away from it.I wonder if I am condemed to all my past folly?

[“I keep looking for the tophat in the crowd” He wrote “But its never there.”]

The way I am feeling I dont know if I was ever anywhere.

All I ever wanted was answers and I think being fed lies is what warped me the most.I think that I should stop writing for a while but the racket in my head never takes a holiday even if my hands do.I think that I should stay offline and have and internal screaming match with my deamons…This is always in Me,this state of non-grace…at a low roar….but the cage on my back is a rockin and a-rollin today.

I am a science experiment
I am a widows lament
I am an abortion breathing
I am a faithless lover leaving
I am Manic
I am blind panic
I am totaled
I am a body bag
I am a toe tag
I am the accidental death of a child
I am the sinner meek and mild
I am the wound that never heals
I am the maggot in an expensive meal
I am the cancer that grows and rots
I am the cream of the curdled cop
I am the mortition weilding the knife
I am the infidel within my life……

My nose is bleeding again.I let in run onto my tounge and somehow knowing that my blood is boldly amusing its self outside the constraints of mere veins calms me.

I am so tired but I know its a trick,I know the second
I lie down it will flood me.I am secure in that fact.
I seem to have misplaced myself.
I will send out the dogs,release the hounds….

I cant find any practicality in this,in Me.If I was 15 with a new bong this would be heaven.But I am not.

Is the art in the letting go?

By your leave.

SF4L
Michele.

If I leave here tommrow,

Would you still remember Me?
Lynard Skynard.

-Its like you never had wings.
Deftones.

But tommrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun.
G.Harrison.

Give Me one last painful kiss….
Social Distortion.

So the boys get here tommrow and I am house bound dirty.I am totally freaked out over seeing them again.I had almost sunk into the quagmire of being a garden varity loser.Thwarted before it got too late…though I feel too late…no sleep again sorry….Got a letter tonite from one of the tribe.”I have somthing to tell you but I dunno what it is” Just that alone was enough.

This is for all of you who are out there.

On the wire.

On the point.

“I wanted to wear My colors [so to speak] on my neck for the world to see” -Skoota, on his “SF4L” ink.

I guess I will let you know where it all stands when I see the lads again.

The B* is passed out,Sin is making somthing beautiful at her sewing machine and I am wild eyed and malignant at the computer once again.So nothing really changes.’Cept that I thought that it was Monday.

Its Wednesday.

And there is the sun…up-a-fuckin’-gain.

Ahhhh!
The summer of 03′
Sleeping with the wrong people and walking wounded.Glebe markets full of trustifarian cunts eating hash cookies and playing hacky sack…Kill! Kill! Kill!

I wrote this in three different places and it tied in with three different things that were going on in my life.Its a brave cry for help thing.I was dead in the water but I would not ask for a hand,as always.

Nanda was the 1st person that I read it to.I think she paid for breakfast that day.”I fell up the street…” was refering To Adam and Sophies house in Glebe that I haunted, very damaged all throughout the summer of 03′

By the time I got it together enough to reach out they were not home.I was ashamed of myself and kinda glad in the long run cause I was really fucked up at that point.

It reeks of that summer to me and the greiving that I was doing at The Shed in Glebe after losing The Ranch. …and all the things and people that went with it.

I stayed alone,shot hoops at stupid hours of the nite and rode my bike around Sydney Uni listening to sad songs.

Blah ,blah, and blah….

So This one is for those who put up with My shit and oddly enough still belive in My shit.

To My sister-in-law Nanda,Adam and Sophie and greif,My most faithful companion.

Believe in Me??$#@!$
I guess thats all of you ,ya missguided fucks!!!

Heh.

-Glad.

Im glad that you were not home tonight
when I had my fragility
Im wishing that you were
but there was only me

And for you not being?
Seeing?

Im thankful…

Im glad that you didnt hold my hand
Lie and say that you understand
I am tired
I ran away
I dont want to be this today…

Im glad you didnt see
The vomit plague inside of me
And I got so tense so tight
I fell up the street so glad that you werent home tonight.

I cant do this
but it sure as hell is doing me
And Im well done as it is and it just wont let me be.

I thought that I’d been spiked ’cause I kept seeing things moving
I cant do this but it sure as hell is doing Me and Im well done as it is
and it just wont let Me be…..

So like I said,
I am so glad that you werent home tonight…

As I lent on your doorbell, I was crying…….

……………………………………………….
I guess that will be it for Me for a while as Ross is gonna be ,As we all are, AWOL.
[Song for that sentence “Ramblin’ Man” By The Allman Bros.]

Dont take it easy
Take it anyway you can fuckin’ get it.

SF4L
Michele.

Cant sleep/cant see/head broken/

[“Dont worry its just Michele…”]Sit here with an unlit Lucky strike.I was grinding my teeth and bit through the filter.

Hate.

And I give you songs cause I am not good for much else right now.So glut on it.

-Small Enemy.

There are no small enemies.

If they tell you that your selfish
You know what to say
Just kick their fuckin ass and boot their corpse out of the way.

And when they say your difficult
You can yawn and grin
Just keep the knife behind your back while you invite them in.

You?!!You wanna stand there
And tell Me that I didnt pay my dues?
Well there is an argument that I truly belive that you
were born to lose.

Risk it?
Dare you?
Dare Me?

Darlin’,I dont think that you could bare Me….

Aint nobody Gods own
Got nothin’ from nothin’…..

You cant go back
But you can let go
If you let go
You will fall but then you’ll grow.

Aint nobody Gods own
You got nothin’ from nothin’…..

…………………………………………

SF4L
Michele.

[The jungle]

“I was high!!!..You KNOW that I am a different person when I am high!!!…I didnt know what I was doing!??! I didnt think that you would care THIS much…besides,it didnt MEAN anything…..”
-The beginning of the end.

Fides suadenda non imponenda.
-My new tattoo.

Judas.
It never means anything to you and I guess that is why the road that we have traveled together is now stating to fork.Nothing effects you unless it is standing in the way of you getting what you want.I hope that occurs to you when I am gone.I will regroup and I will leave you behind.Maybe I mistook a black hole for depth.Is that it? Ignorance for charming guile maybe?…..

I no longer flatter your existance or beg to serve your beauty so I am of no use.I see so much of what I was at the height of my powers in you.The shapes that you have assumed from Me.They are yours now.I hope that this is what you wanted…

Let it be known that although discarded, I still left of my own free will.

My last goodbye.

My problem is that I am around the people who are what I left behind when I got clean.For what its worth and I know that some- fucking- where honesty counts for somthing [not here, not by a long shot….] and being that I have not slept yet again I figure what the hey?

I dont really give a fuck what drugs they are doing…But they have a real problem with Me not doing any.

Whatever.

Not as if anyone else can fuck me any worse than I am getting fucked right now.

I am gonna need you to work with me on this ,ok?

I want you to,after reading this you smart arses, to close your eyes and channel beauty…the most beautiful things that you can imagine….and now,distill it all and make it human.

And brain dead.Flatlined but still alive…..

That,what is now before you,in your minds eye, is the last thing that I loved.A blissed void,perfect……

Writing this is giving me a migraine as smooth as glass.

It is an exersize in zen frustration.Junkies,pill poppers,drunks,addicts….and I am the bad guy.They wait till I leave the room to speak.Like I could give less of a shit?

I messed up bad last night.I begged entry to the void.Just to get some reasons to the spiraling insanity that has been taking place, some answers.Should have held off till it was a “powder” night…..

I am the reality check that is unwanted here.I wont lie,I wont engage in their shit therefore? Not real popular.

I still tell people who write me looking for the inside track that to live and succeed is all that matters on the revenge front and I guess that is why I want to see all these killing words on the screen before me on what feels like the countdown to my aramgeddon.

Red Dragon images fly before my eyes, I think of the great T.Harris discribing his characters “Becomming….”

I dread to think what comes after this on a level of personal development…thats why I have to get up ,dust myself off and go again.

Free of all that harmed me.No matter how much I once loved them…..

I dont even know where to start.Ain’t that a bitch!The only writing that I have been doing is to you guys and up here.My notebooks are poised to strike me like vipers as punishment for the scatched lists I have been repeating over and over on the surface of their virgin innards.

I feel like I am stuck in a Dali painting on strong acid.

[….. And to every question she was asked she sighed an emerald green “Nothing” and returned to much of the same.]

I am drinking a soda cause my bloodsugar has dropped and I dont want to pass out….not yet…..

I am so hated.I dont mind.At least,as misguided as it can get,its honest.Where I have been fucked on epic levels is not there…its the ones I believed loved Me.I know,I know, what the hell was I thinking,right?

Don’t think that I was…..

Did I love what I thought was there?
What I saw in the beginning?
Something that had gone a long time ago?
A ghost?

I think that I have stayed in the arms of my misery because I dont know how to say goodbye again…My time is almost up.I dont want it anymore but the thought of living without it?…..

Big breath kiddo….Make it count Madden.

And so I start on what is going to be my greatest Epitaph to date.I think of all of the times that I protected these cunts from the anger that they had caused within Me.How they got lazy with all that I was because they were on the inner circle,how I did their damage patrol again and again….

Opened my doors
Fed them
held them
Listened to them
Took them back agaist all that told me not to
Picked up the phone
talked them down from the ledge.

I stood in the way of darwinism and should be punished accordingly.I should have let them go.It was natural selection you see?

The lack of respect is stunning.I asked them for nothing but the truth.Hurt by the truth is a razor cut,
Clean.
Hurt by a lie? A landmine.A bouncing betty….Can you grasp the distinction?

I will leave you all one thing in my wake.Think of it as a gift.I will leave you without Me and with each other.I wish that I could stay to see what happenes when one void meets another….I guess that it will be somewhat endless.

I would be flattering myself to think that it will really matter to you.Nothing matters to you….But I promise you this…..You will live long and regret Me.

On this I give you my word.

SF4L
Michele.

I’ll turn you into Me, cause I’m a liar…

-Henry Rollins.

Why is betrayal the only truth that sticks?
-Arthur Miller.

Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
-Oliver W Holmes Sr.

I have given myself 2 options and one year.
I have seen bottom and waved at the other side.
I move even slightly and smell sulfer.
So I know humaity can die while breathing.

What will take its place?

I am not good at being this small.It binds my long frame in knots.I let myself slip away untill I became nothing at all.

“28 days.” my darling No1# son tells me.

And I stay here for them alone…….

Lied to, left and burned again.She sat there with the pipe as I went over the coals again.No one gives me a straight fucking answer and it causes me nothing but grief.

I hurt myself to virgin clear status/the smoke will rise from Rome/dying/as I am reborn/perfection in decay.

Stop caring.
Do not invest.

I am a stepping stone for other people to get what they want.Fuck what is left of my family and turn coat friends.
I am rid of you.
I am done.

My address book is clear.My emotional dance card is empty.

If you are gonna bullshit Me? I would rather that you took your bows and left.You embarass yourselves so fuck off.

Fucking liars…….

12 months….
2 choices….

Now back to what matters….

I dreamt this song last summer at Chez Rock.I wrote it as soon as I woke up and then went down stairs and read it to Mikey.Recorded it a few days later and it lasted this long.If they were all that easy.

But they are not.

-Good Mourning.

It took Me 5 hours to unclench my teeth
My jaw on fire
Its dark here
No relief
With all the will I had
I loosened up my fists
uncurled my fingers one by one
Praying for bliss.

My granite heart churned over
As my blood slowed to a swing
You could of stabbed me at that one pure moment
And I wouldnt have felt a thing.

Rise and shine
Rise and shine……

Through the hours you move?
I sleep
At the this I laugh?
you weep
All that you lose?
I keep….

Good Mourning,Good Mourning…

This is gonna be fun….

Watch,learn,wait your turn….

So I prowl this sleeping place
I got knife deep marks etched apon my bitter face
You want in with mine?
You keep the pace
I dont do this for fun
you best be able to run
extinction of my mercy stripped me back to one
Now make yourself useful
And pass Me up My gun……

………………………………

And thats that for tonite.
SF4L
Michele.